I had been pretty busy with all of the kids and whatnot so I didn't have much time to dwell on yesterday's events. I pretty much cooled down and forgot about it. When I finally got some down time and thought about what happened, I was able to justify it. Honestly, it's natural for the family to want to know more about me since Andréa wants to move back to the states with me. I understand that. But it wasn't okay for them to tell me how to react to my mom's behavior. Yes, she's my mother but that doesn't give her a right to treat me however she pleases and expect to be pardoned just because she's my blood. Sara who commented on the last blog post got it right. People like that don't understand abuse. Abusers like my mom are like addicts. Their actions are repetitive and they get increasingly worse if they don't get help. If you continuously give them passes you're only giving them the chance to hurt you again.
I thought I was fully healed and recovered from my past but it's obvious that I haven't. Yes, keeping busy and moving to a different state/country every few years has helped, but it's always in the back of my mind. My good friend Kami is going to teach me how to meditate and through that, she believes that I can learn to embrace my past. I've accepted it, there's a difference. She said something about learning to not identify with the negativity of it all. I'm not sure what that means exactly but I'll take Yoda's advice at least try to learn. Even though he was trying to give me my space, Andréa texted me several times throughout the day saying 'I love you' or 'I miss you.' I couldn't really bring myself to reply with any sort of sentiment so I just said 'I'll see you soon.' I was really disappointed that he didn't have my back yesterday so I kind of just ignored him.
Antoine's band members left today so I was able to go to centre ville and wind down a little more with Kami. We watched a horror movie called Apparition. I love horror movies! They actually help me relax and forget about what's going on in the real world. I thought it was a decent movie. It didn't really scare me but it had a good story line. Plus, I love Ashley Greene. Kami and I also made chocolate covered strawberries in an ice tray. They were a huge mess but still delicious anyhow. I don't really like chocolate but feeding me in any manner will get my mind off of things.
I thought I was fully healed and recovered from my past but it's obvious that I haven't. Yes, keeping busy and moving to a different state/country every few years has helped, but it's always in the back of my mind. My good friend Kami is going to teach me how to meditate and through that, she believes that I can learn to embrace my past. I've accepted it, there's a difference. She said something about learning to not identify with the negativity of it all. I'm not sure what that means exactly but I'll take Yoda's advice at least try to learn. Even though he was trying to give me my space, Andréa texted me several times throughout the day saying 'I love you' or 'I miss you.' I couldn't really bring myself to reply with any sort of sentiment so I just said 'I'll see you soon.' I was really disappointed that he didn't have my back yesterday so I kind of just ignored him.
Antoine's band members left today so I was able to go to centre ville and wind down a little more with Kami. We watched a horror movie called Apparition. I love horror movies! They actually help me relax and forget about what's going on in the real world. I thought it was a decent movie. It didn't really scare me but it had a good story line. Plus, I love Ashley Greene. Kami and I also made chocolate covered strawberries in an ice tray. They were a huge mess but still delicious anyhow. I don't really like chocolate but feeding me in any manner will get my mind off of things.
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