Andréa and I left each other on a bad note last night. He had irritated me earlier in the evening and noticed. I tried to forget about it but when Andréa feels like he's done something wrong, he can't let it go. He always wants to talk because supposedly discussions help relationships move forward :-P
Even though I was in a mood, I drove up to our spot after dinner--just to spend some uninterrupted time with him. The thing about me is that I bottle up my feelings, because I know I'm going to forget what upset me in the first place. It's hardly ever important enough to hold onto. That's what Andréa needs to realize. The only time I can't let something go is when people are constantly reminding me that it happened--like when he's constantly asking me what's wrong just after I had forgotten all about it. Seriously???
Here's the scenario. I was making chili for the potluck dinner at Krystle's house. It's my favorite recipe and I've been making it since I was 12. I couldn't find all of the ingredients at any of the local stores so I had to make some adjustments so I was already a bit put-off. Not quite annoyed yet, but...disappointed.
Andréa arrived while I was still cooking. He tasted the chili, made a face, and told me I was missing herbs like thyme. This entire time I'm thinking "Dude...This is chili. Thyme...Seriously???" I'm sure that herbs in addition to the cumin and cayenne would've been good but this was MY recipe and I'm going to make it the same way I've been making it for the past 14 years of my life. I have a ritualistic personality. I like tradition. I like having one, concrete chili recipe. Damn it!
Andréa's suggestion kind of annoyed me but cooking is therapy to me so I forgot about it immediately. The chili was mostly done except that it tasted a bit bland to me. It was missing some zing...The tang that you get from tomatoes. I was trying to think of a delicate way of adding this punch and the only idea I came up with was lemon juice. So I added some. Andréa watched with his mouth gaped wide open and said "tu l'a tué"--meaning 'you killed it.' And no, that saying does not have good connotation in french culture. I asked my host dad to confirm and Didier bowed his head in a 'Man...you really shouldn't have said that' sort of way.
My feelings were only hurt because cooking is one of my hobbies. I'm no 5 star chef but I like to do it and I do it well. I've never had ANYONE criticize my cooking so his comments just come across as a slap on the face. I've dated chefs and my one of my best friends throws out gourmet meals every other day. These people have never told me 'you need to change this'/'you need to change that.' And they're close enough to me to not be afraid to hurt my feelings. They've criticized me about plenty of other things without me being butt-hurt. But when you volunteer your opinion on a subject that you know little about, it's kind of annoying. I'd really just like to know how many times he's made chili or even eaten it. Okay, now that's just me being a brat. I know he's just trying to help but when you say something like 'you killed it,' after you put so much time into something, it just rubs you the wrong way. I don't care if you're trying to be funny--you won't find me laughing. This is my therapy, my art. Even with this little dagger in my heart, I still forgot all about it and went on with my evening. When you're busy, the more pressing matters take priority and you don't dwell.
While we were sitting at our romantic spot, Andréa kept on pestering me about what was bothering me earlier. And honestly, I had to work to remember what it was. When I finally reminded myself, I started to get irritated again. He started asking me detailed questions about the problem and I started to get upset. I had to dig deep to figure out why I was initially bothered. I eventually got mad because I was reminded of all of the other times he had 'formed opinions' about my platters.
The first time I made Andréa dinner he said "It's good...Even though I don't like lemon." Not a huge critique for my citrus chicken, but I told him that I'm obsessed with lemon so he should expect it often. The other night when maman and papa went out to dinner I made a steak with red-wine reduction. His comment this time was "The sauce was good, but the steak had too many nerves. It was too chewy...but that's not your fault." Ugh...Oh, and we can't forget the caramel apple cheesecake I made for Valentine's Day [sans caramel] which he deemed "too sugary." Oy vey...I didn't even add a quarter the amount of sugar called for in the recipe. He blamed the sweetness on the whipped cream--which had zero. It was probably the applesauce. And really? You're going to tell ME, the girl that hates sweets, that she made something too sugary? Shoot me now. Please. REALLY.
I've decided that I'm going to stop cooking for him. He's going to have to take on the responsibility of making all meals. That's fine with me. I prefer to eat anyhow.
There's always this problem with all of my boyfriends. Each one has been an insufferable know-it-all in some category and subsequently made me feel insecure about each passion of mine. There was CJ who made me feel like I knew nothing about cars. Then Mike who is the reason why I stopped singing. Matt the med school whiz who told me I never took the MCATs and had never taken them himself. And then now Andréa with the cooking. I mean, can't you people just let me freakin' enjoy what I enjoy??? If I'm not hurting anyone, please, leave me be.
Andréa's reaction kind of put me off too. He was kind of just like 'I can't believe you're getting upset over this. I love your cooking! I eat everything!' But come on...Just because you eat everything doesn't mean you actually like it. And if you like something, then just say you like it. Stop nit-picking. It's annoying. You don't HAVE to say anything else.
I also really hate it when he chimes in and says "I do everything for you" when we have a disagreement. He pays attention and he knows my likes and dislikes and I've never had to tell him. But for something like this where I've outwardly said that it bothers me and he continues to do it. It just doesn't make sense. How is he not catching on?
I walked into my house last night without kissing him goodbye, or really acknowledging him at all. I forgot my phone in my car so I accidentally ignored his messages. I would've ignored the texts anyway if I had had my phone. I just wasn't ready to continue the conversation yet and I try at all costs to avoid saying things I don't mean. I got my phone out of the car this morning and read a text from him that basically said 'I couldn't sleep last night. It's true that I need to pay attention to what I say, but you're not without faults either.' Was that supposed to be an apology? Because it doesn't sound like it.
All I've got to say is...I enjoy my food as well as my friends, family, and french family. Maybe Andréa should spend some more time exploring his friends' and their girlfriends' cooking styles and pass some judgement over there instead of just sharing it with me.
Okay, rant over. Thanks for listening!
Even though I was in a mood, I drove up to our spot after dinner--just to spend some uninterrupted time with him. The thing about me is that I bottle up my feelings, because I know I'm going to forget what upset me in the first place. It's hardly ever important enough to hold onto. That's what Andréa needs to realize. The only time I can't let something go is when people are constantly reminding me that it happened--like when he's constantly asking me what's wrong just after I had forgotten all about it. Seriously???
Here's the scenario. I was making chili for the potluck dinner at Krystle's house. It's my favorite recipe and I've been making it since I was 12. I couldn't find all of the ingredients at any of the local stores so I had to make some adjustments so I was already a bit put-off. Not quite annoyed yet, but...disappointed.
Andréa arrived while I was still cooking. He tasted the chili, made a face, and told me I was missing herbs like thyme. This entire time I'm thinking "Dude...This is chili. Thyme...Seriously???" I'm sure that herbs in addition to the cumin and cayenne would've been good but this was MY recipe and I'm going to make it the same way I've been making it for the past 14 years of my life. I have a ritualistic personality. I like tradition. I like having one, concrete chili recipe. Damn it!
Andréa's suggestion kind of annoyed me but cooking is therapy to me so I forgot about it immediately. The chili was mostly done except that it tasted a bit bland to me. It was missing some zing...The tang that you get from tomatoes. I was trying to think of a delicate way of adding this punch and the only idea I came up with was lemon juice. So I added some. Andréa watched with his mouth gaped wide open and said "tu l'a tué"--meaning 'you killed it.' And no, that saying does not have good connotation in french culture. I asked my host dad to confirm and Didier bowed his head in a 'Man...you really shouldn't have said that' sort of way.
My feelings were only hurt because cooking is one of my hobbies. I'm no 5 star chef but I like to do it and I do it well. I've never had ANYONE criticize my cooking so his comments just come across as a slap on the face. I've dated chefs and my one of my best friends throws out gourmet meals every other day. These people have never told me 'you need to change this'/'you need to change that.' And they're close enough to me to not be afraid to hurt my feelings. They've criticized me about plenty of other things without me being butt-hurt. But when you volunteer your opinion on a subject that you know little about, it's kind of annoying. I'd really just like to know how many times he's made chili or even eaten it. Okay, now that's just me being a brat. I know he's just trying to help but when you say something like 'you killed it,' after you put so much time into something, it just rubs you the wrong way. I don't care if you're trying to be funny--you won't find me laughing. This is my therapy, my art. Even with this little dagger in my heart, I still forgot all about it and went on with my evening. When you're busy, the more pressing matters take priority and you don't dwell.
While we were sitting at our romantic spot, Andréa kept on pestering me about what was bothering me earlier. And honestly, I had to work to remember what it was. When I finally reminded myself, I started to get irritated again. He started asking me detailed questions about the problem and I started to get upset. I had to dig deep to figure out why I was initially bothered. I eventually got mad because I was reminded of all of the other times he had 'formed opinions' about my platters.
The first time I made Andréa dinner he said "It's good...Even though I don't like lemon." Not a huge critique for my citrus chicken, but I told him that I'm obsessed with lemon so he should expect it often. The other night when maman and papa went out to dinner I made a steak with red-wine reduction. His comment this time was "The sauce was good, but the steak had too many nerves. It was too chewy...but that's not your fault." Ugh...Oh, and we can't forget the caramel apple cheesecake I made for Valentine's Day [sans caramel] which he deemed "too sugary." Oy vey...I didn't even add a quarter the amount of sugar called for in the recipe. He blamed the sweetness on the whipped cream--which had zero. It was probably the applesauce. And really? You're going to tell ME, the girl that hates sweets, that she made something too sugary? Shoot me now. Please. REALLY.
I've decided that I'm going to stop cooking for him. He's going to have to take on the responsibility of making all meals. That's fine with me. I prefer to eat anyhow.
There's always this problem with all of my boyfriends. Each one has been an insufferable know-it-all in some category and subsequently made me feel insecure about each passion of mine. There was CJ who made me feel like I knew nothing about cars. Then Mike who is the reason why I stopped singing. Matt the med school whiz who told me I never took the MCATs and had never taken them himself. And then now Andréa with the cooking. I mean, can't you people just let me freakin' enjoy what I enjoy??? If I'm not hurting anyone, please, leave me be.
Andréa's reaction kind of put me off too. He was kind of just like 'I can't believe you're getting upset over this. I love your cooking! I eat everything!' But come on...Just because you eat everything doesn't mean you actually like it. And if you like something, then just say you like it. Stop nit-picking. It's annoying. You don't HAVE to say anything else.
I also really hate it when he chimes in and says "I do everything for you" when we have a disagreement. He pays attention and he knows my likes and dislikes and I've never had to tell him. But for something like this where I've outwardly said that it bothers me and he continues to do it. It just doesn't make sense. How is he not catching on?
I walked into my house last night without kissing him goodbye, or really acknowledging him at all. I forgot my phone in my car so I accidentally ignored his messages. I would've ignored the texts anyway if I had had my phone. I just wasn't ready to continue the conversation yet and I try at all costs to avoid saying things I don't mean. I got my phone out of the car this morning and read a text from him that basically said 'I couldn't sleep last night. It's true that I need to pay attention to what I say, but you're not without faults either.' Was that supposed to be an apology? Because it doesn't sound like it.
All I've got to say is...I enjoy my food as well as my friends, family, and french family. Maybe Andréa should spend some more time exploring his friends' and their girlfriends' cooking styles and pass some judgement over there instead of just sharing it with me.
Okay, rant over. Thanks for listening!
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