Andréa and I headed back to Marseille after Le Vieux Castellet. Like I said before, we were supposed to stay in Bandol the whole weekend but we just weren't comfortable there. We went to Auchan to get groceries for dinner tonight and on the way to his apartment Andréa pulled some Grand Prix crap and scared the wits out of me! We were at an intersection, waiting at a stop sign. There was a car coming from the right and though they didn't signal, they pulled into the left lane to turn in our direction--a huge pet peeve of Andréa's. Before I knew it, Andréa put on his road rage hat and took off into the intersection, cutting off the car before it could turn and slightly missing another car that was coming from the same direction. I just looked at him with my mouth gaped open, holding tightly onto my seat. The only words that came out of my mouth were "If I ever marry you, I will NEVER have kids with you. You'd kill them."
He tried to argue his stance on the car situation but I wasn't hearing it. I just know that he'd be one of those guys that tells his wife he's only done something dangerous once, and then accidentally hurt their kids during one of the "rare" times. I've known so many people guilty of stuff like that. One guy I went to school with took his son out to climb trees with their jeep even though he promised his wife he'd never do it again. The wheels lost their grip because he was going too fast and the Jeep flipped over onto the both of them. The kid died immediately from his injuries and the father lived, only to be tortured by guilt. His wife left him as well. I didn't say another thing to Andréa. The only thing going through my head was that story. I know it's a long shot to say that we'd go through something like that, but when you're looking for a life partner, you pay attention to their habits--good and bad. To me, that was a red flag, and I was just making note of it.
We eventually got back to the apartment after a drive in silence. I wasn't purposefully ignoring him. I just didn't have anything left to say after that. And I didn't want to make small talk. I'm comfortable in silence, but for Andréa, 'je fait la tête.' He always thinks that I'm mad when I don't talk, but I'm just reflecting. The silence got to him so much that he went off on me. He yelled about how I had been annoyed all day and that it finally got to him. I didn't know what to do so I went out onto the balcony to be alone. He followed me out there and said that if I was going to ignore him, then I should just leave. I didn't feel like arguing with him so I got up to leave. He immediately stopped me from leaving, grabbed me, and pushed me down! I cannot freakin' believe it...I don't know if it was lucky for me, or lucky for him, but his cousins and their kids arrived for dinner just at that moment.
I was conflicted about writing this post because I don't want anyone to think that Andréa is a bad person. But I know that if I didn't talk about it, I'd feel like I was hiding something. Those of you that keep up with my blog know that there's a post for each day, and that there's always something to say. I tell you all everything. I never really though any of Andréa's previous actions during a heated argument were ever really violent before but pushing me down like that was crossing the line. Yes, I had an abusive mom and I can handle a lot, even being beaten to a pulp, but that doesn't mean that I want it to or will allow it to happen. One thing is for sure about personality traits like that though. They only get worse over time. I've already had one abusive boyfriend and that's enough for a lifetime. I will never be able to forget Mike because he gave me a permanent notch on my forehead. I don't care if flying off a handle is a Marseillais thing. If he really loved me, he would learn how to manage his anger without having to get physical. I would be stupid to stay with Andréa now...
He tried to argue his stance on the car situation but I wasn't hearing it. I just know that he'd be one of those guys that tells his wife he's only done something dangerous once, and then accidentally hurt their kids during one of the "rare" times. I've known so many people guilty of stuff like that. One guy I went to school with took his son out to climb trees with their jeep even though he promised his wife he'd never do it again. The wheels lost their grip because he was going too fast and the Jeep flipped over onto the both of them. The kid died immediately from his injuries and the father lived, only to be tortured by guilt. His wife left him as well. I didn't say another thing to Andréa. The only thing going through my head was that story. I know it's a long shot to say that we'd go through something like that, but when you're looking for a life partner, you pay attention to their habits--good and bad. To me, that was a red flag, and I was just making note of it.
We eventually got back to the apartment after a drive in silence. I wasn't purposefully ignoring him. I just didn't have anything left to say after that. And I didn't want to make small talk. I'm comfortable in silence, but for Andréa, 'je fait la tête.' He always thinks that I'm mad when I don't talk, but I'm just reflecting. The silence got to him so much that he went off on me. He yelled about how I had been annoyed all day and that it finally got to him. I didn't know what to do so I went out onto the balcony to be alone. He followed me out there and said that if I was going to ignore him, then I should just leave. I didn't feel like arguing with him so I got up to leave. He immediately stopped me from leaving, grabbed me, and pushed me down! I cannot freakin' believe it...I don't know if it was lucky for me, or lucky for him, but his cousins and their kids arrived for dinner just at that moment.
I was conflicted about writing this post because I don't want anyone to think that Andréa is a bad person. But I know that if I didn't talk about it, I'd feel like I was hiding something. Those of you that keep up with my blog know that there's a post for each day, and that there's always something to say. I tell you all everything. I never really though any of Andréa's previous actions during a heated argument were ever really violent before but pushing me down like that was crossing the line. Yes, I had an abusive mom and I can handle a lot, even being beaten to a pulp, but that doesn't mean that I want it to or will allow it to happen. One thing is for sure about personality traits like that though. They only get worse over time. I've already had one abusive boyfriend and that's enough for a lifetime. I will never be able to forget Mike because he gave me a permanent notch on my forehead. I don't care if flying off a handle is a Marseillais thing. If he really loved me, he would learn how to manage his anger without having to get physical. I would be stupid to stay with Andréa now...
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