I was supposed to meet up with Azzedine today, another CS member, but we opted for another day due to family business. Everyone stayed inside most of the day. It's been sprinkling outside though the sun comes and goes. I figured I should stay out of the sunlight though considering I'm nearly black. I have this thing about dark skin. I don't like it on myself. I just think dark eyes are prettier on a light palette.
Anyway, Greg and I camped out in my room and watched the last Twilight movie. I found myself getting emotional at certain parts of the movie. Before the grand battle, Edward tells Carlisle that he's afraid all of the witnesses are putting their lives at risk for his own needs. Carlisle replies with "Everyone here has something to fight for. I certainly do." And that made me think about Andréa with a million questions following. Is he worth fighting for? I say I don't love him anymore, but is that true? Are the arguments worth the trouble if I do still love him? Why do we argue anyway? Can he stop taking me so seriously? Can he find another outlet for his anger so that he doesn't blow up on me? Can I get past all of the cruel things he's said to me? For every question that requires a yes or no answer, I choose "no." It's obvious I still love him but this is neither the time or place for us.
It's strange that Mathieu recently came back into my life because he was absent for so long. He says he stopped talking to me because I started dating Andréa. I didn't quite understand because he never told me he had feelings for me and I never got those hints. He only recently told me that he always saw me as more. And now I'm wondering if he could be more to me too. Mathieu is more my type--dark hair, older, settled in his career, but also an adventure seeker. He's still a bit shy which is intriguing to me and very chivalrous which caters to the sensitive part of me. Not that I needed much consoling but since Andréa and I have been fighting these past few weeks, Mathieu's been there for me. And I have to admit, I really like how attentive he is. For example, he recently bought me a trick hoop after hearing me complain about how crappy hula hoops are in France. I'm not a very gifty type but it's fun to get a surprise present every once in awhile. And it's just so cute that he's just so thoughtful...
I keep telling myself that I can't grow closer to someone else right before I leave but there's something about him that just draws me in. The more I speak to him, the more I want to be with him. And the more I learn about him, the more I feel like we fit. The good thing about Mathieu's job is that it takes him to the two main places I frequent--France and the U.S. East Coast. I'm not ready for another boyfriend yet but, it's still good to have someone to look forward to seeing. It might be too soon to be getting those butterflies again, but...maybe they're there for a reason. We're heading home tomorrow so I'll get to see him before he jets off to New York for business :-)
Anyway, Greg and I camped out in my room and watched the last Twilight movie. I found myself getting emotional at certain parts of the movie. Before the grand battle, Edward tells Carlisle that he's afraid all of the witnesses are putting their lives at risk for his own needs. Carlisle replies with "Everyone here has something to fight for. I certainly do." And that made me think about Andréa with a million questions following. Is he worth fighting for? I say I don't love him anymore, but is that true? Are the arguments worth the trouble if I do still love him? Why do we argue anyway? Can he stop taking me so seriously? Can he find another outlet for his anger so that he doesn't blow up on me? Can I get past all of the cruel things he's said to me? For every question that requires a yes or no answer, I choose "no." It's obvious I still love him but this is neither the time or place for us.
It's strange that Mathieu recently came back into my life because he was absent for so long. He says he stopped talking to me because I started dating Andréa. I didn't quite understand because he never told me he had feelings for me and I never got those hints. He only recently told me that he always saw me as more. And now I'm wondering if he could be more to me too. Mathieu is more my type--dark hair, older, settled in his career, but also an adventure seeker. He's still a bit shy which is intriguing to me and very chivalrous which caters to the sensitive part of me. Not that I needed much consoling but since Andréa and I have been fighting these past few weeks, Mathieu's been there for me. And I have to admit, I really like how attentive he is. For example, he recently bought me a trick hoop after hearing me complain about how crappy hula hoops are in France. I'm not a very gifty type but it's fun to get a surprise present every once in awhile. And it's just so cute that he's just so thoughtful...
I keep telling myself that I can't grow closer to someone else right before I leave but there's something about him that just draws me in. The more I speak to him, the more I want to be with him. And the more I learn about him, the more I feel like we fit. The good thing about Mathieu's job is that it takes him to the two main places I frequent--France and the U.S. East Coast. I'm not ready for another boyfriend yet but, it's still good to have someone to look forward to seeing. It might be too soon to be getting those butterflies again, but...maybe they're there for a reason. We're heading home tomorrow so I'll get to see him before he jets off to New York for business :-)
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