I woke up on the couch this morning feeling well-rested minus any hangover symptoms. I immediately ran to Andréa's room to snuggle with him. The two of us had a pretty mediocre but decent day today. He made lunch and played the new Kinect game I bought him while I caught up on all of my reading and got my fix of StumbleUpon for the weekend.
While I was making cupcakes Andréa asked when I wanted to be brought home. I told him I didn't know. I figured that since he talked me into coming to Marseille that he wanted to spend time with me so when he told me that he was taking me home, I got a bit upset. Of course I did...I knew that he had to work at 4h00 but it was the early hours of the afternoon and he wouldn't have to sleep until 23h00 as he normally does. I was sad but I asked him why he wanted to take me home so early. His only reply was 'because if we wait, I'll get back too late.' The question in my mind was "too late for what?" When I asked him, he didn't give a straight answer so I didn't have any clarity. He didn't sound like he wanted to say so I felt like he was purposefully leaving me in the dark. This upset me even more so I decided I wasn't going to ask questions and just got my stuff together. As my bag was completely packed and I finished getting dressed, Andréa walked in his room, jumped me, and planted kisses on me as we both landed on the bed. He knew I was upset about something and tried to tickle it out of me, but it didn't work this time. He still hadn't told me what he needed to get back for so I ignored him. This is when he completely flipped out, pushed himself off of me, and threw whatever was on his bed around his room! As he stormed out of the room he violently slammed the door which scared the shit out of me! It reminded me of my one abusive boyfriend who did a lot of that. As I got ready to walk out, he opened the door and said 'We're leaving. Now.' So, I hightailed it and walked all the way out of the apartment building. As the building door was closing, I heard another thunderous slam so I kept walking to the car.
Things were no different on the road. Not only was he driving like a maniac but he was literally screaming at me at the top of his lungs. Anytime I tried to get a word in he would just tell me to "Shut up!" which are one of the few english phrases he's learned well. He started going off about how I get annoyed about everything and how I'm always ignoring him. Well, you know what? I'm human. I'm allowed to be annoyed. I'm not going to pretend something isn't bothering me, because that's not me. I'm SOOOO sorry I wanted to spend time with you, you're my boyfriend, it's natural. I guess I shouldn't feel that way. The next part of his rant was 'you get pissed about this, you get pissed about that, you get pissed about everything and then you ignore me! Can't I just spend FIVE minutes with my mom?!?' Suddenly, I got some clarity! So I chimed in and said "Why didn't you tell me you wanted to see your mom??? That's so simple! And that's a good reason for me to go home!." He replied with 'It doesn't matter what my reason is! If I wanted to spend some time alone tonight you would've been annoyed about that too!' But truth is, if he would've just told me 'Hey baby, I know I talked you into coming to Marseille, but do you mind if I spend some time by myself tonight?' I wouldn't have given two shits. I tell him that I want to be alone all the time. I don't see how this situation would be any different. He finished his scream fest by saying that we were done and surprisingly, I wasn't the least bit upset about this. This is a side of him that I never wanted to see, a side that reminded me too much of Mike who I loved for years even through all of the abuse he inflicted on me. I know I grew up in a violent household but things like what happened today still scare the shit out of me. And I NEVER EVER want to be in that situation EVER again! After my mom and Mike, I know when to get myself out of situations like that, and today is that day. Andréa kept on saying that we were finished and I just said "Okay" and just continued to ignore him. I didn't want the situation to elevate especially with his temper still rolling heavy and him driving 100 km/hr so I just said nothing and looked out the window.
As we were getting closer to my house he said 'Well, do you have anything to say? Because once I drop you off, I'm not coming back.' All I said was "I know" as I kept looking out of the window. He then said 'You better reflect." My reply was "I already did." And honestly, I have...I don't love him the same way that I used to because he's not the same person that he was, and neither am I. People change and so do relationships. It's natural. I don't regret the time we had together, I learned a lot from it. It was a whirlwind romance and I had never experienced love the way I did with him, but I know when something is finished.
When he pulled up to my house, I didn't even look at him as I took my bag and walked through the gates. As I walked in the door, my family was there to greet me. I quickly caught them up on the situation and told them I'd be hiding in my room for the night. I immediately deleted our relationship on Facebook and de-activated my account. I do this for a few months out of every year anyway, just to bring myself back to the real world. It was overdue and this seemed like the perfect time. Andréa sent me a text a few moments later saying 'Lol, it's clear that way. Too [lâche] to explain. You're right. Flee.' That's exactly what I'm doing because this is a situation I don't want to be in.
My host parents planned an egg hunt for the kids so when little Gregoire asked me to join in, I had to decline. My excuse was that I didn't like chocolate. He already knew that. He was just being cute. Dinner was ready as soon as the egg hunt was over and Baptiste came to my room to get me. I was still kind of nerve-wracked and had no appetite so I told him I wasn't hungry. He just came in, gave me a kiss, and closed my door. About a minute later, I got a knock on my door. It was maman. She asked if I was sure I wasn't hungry. When I told her I was sure, she said that the lamb had been cooking all day so it would be an incredibly delicious meal I'd be missing. I just smiled at her and said "I know." She didn't try to push me and just closed my door.
The girls checked on me for the rest of the night, continuously stopping by my room and asking if I was okay or if I needed anything. My host sisters are so freakin' cute. At the end of the night, I heard a loud rapp on my door and knew immediately that it was my host dad. Didier walked in and said to me "I just wanted to give you a hug and a kiss!" Then maman walks in and says "Me too!" The two of them hop on my bed and embrace me at the same time. They squeeze me so hard that all of the air escapes my lungs. They both recoiled as I started coughing then the triplets ran into my room, jumped on my bed, and took turns leaving kisses on my cheeks. It was cute...I may be giving the wrong message by staying locked up in my room, but I'm not the least bit depressed. I just wanted to be alone to think.
While I was making cupcakes Andréa asked when I wanted to be brought home. I told him I didn't know. I figured that since he talked me into coming to Marseille that he wanted to spend time with me so when he told me that he was taking me home, I got a bit upset. Of course I did...I knew that he had to work at 4h00 but it was the early hours of the afternoon and he wouldn't have to sleep until 23h00 as he normally does. I was sad but I asked him why he wanted to take me home so early. His only reply was 'because if we wait, I'll get back too late.' The question in my mind was "too late for what?" When I asked him, he didn't give a straight answer so I didn't have any clarity. He didn't sound like he wanted to say so I felt like he was purposefully leaving me in the dark. This upset me even more so I decided I wasn't going to ask questions and just got my stuff together. As my bag was completely packed and I finished getting dressed, Andréa walked in his room, jumped me, and planted kisses on me as we both landed on the bed. He knew I was upset about something and tried to tickle it out of me, but it didn't work this time. He still hadn't told me what he needed to get back for so I ignored him. This is when he completely flipped out, pushed himself off of me, and threw whatever was on his bed around his room! As he stormed out of the room he violently slammed the door which scared the shit out of me! It reminded me of my one abusive boyfriend who did a lot of that. As I got ready to walk out, he opened the door and said 'We're leaving. Now.' So, I hightailed it and walked all the way out of the apartment building. As the building door was closing, I heard another thunderous slam so I kept walking to the car.
Things were no different on the road. Not only was he driving like a maniac but he was literally screaming at me at the top of his lungs. Anytime I tried to get a word in he would just tell me to "Shut up!" which are one of the few english phrases he's learned well. He started going off about how I get annoyed about everything and how I'm always ignoring him. Well, you know what? I'm human. I'm allowed to be annoyed. I'm not going to pretend something isn't bothering me, because that's not me. I'm SOOOO sorry I wanted to spend time with you, you're my boyfriend, it's natural. I guess I shouldn't feel that way. The next part of his rant was 'you get pissed about this, you get pissed about that, you get pissed about everything and then you ignore me! Can't I just spend FIVE minutes with my mom?!?' Suddenly, I got some clarity! So I chimed in and said "Why didn't you tell me you wanted to see your mom??? That's so simple! And that's a good reason for me to go home!." He replied with 'It doesn't matter what my reason is! If I wanted to spend some time alone tonight you would've been annoyed about that too!' But truth is, if he would've just told me 'Hey baby, I know I talked you into coming to Marseille, but do you mind if I spend some time by myself tonight?' I wouldn't have given two shits. I tell him that I want to be alone all the time. I don't see how this situation would be any different. He finished his scream fest by saying that we were done and surprisingly, I wasn't the least bit upset about this. This is a side of him that I never wanted to see, a side that reminded me too much of Mike who I loved for years even through all of the abuse he inflicted on me. I know I grew up in a violent household but things like what happened today still scare the shit out of me. And I NEVER EVER want to be in that situation EVER again! After my mom and Mike, I know when to get myself out of situations like that, and today is that day. Andréa kept on saying that we were finished and I just said "Okay" and just continued to ignore him. I didn't want the situation to elevate especially with his temper still rolling heavy and him driving 100 km/hr so I just said nothing and looked out the window.
As we were getting closer to my house he said 'Well, do you have anything to say? Because once I drop you off, I'm not coming back.' All I said was "I know" as I kept looking out of the window. He then said 'You better reflect." My reply was "I already did." And honestly, I have...I don't love him the same way that I used to because he's not the same person that he was, and neither am I. People change and so do relationships. It's natural. I don't regret the time we had together, I learned a lot from it. It was a whirlwind romance and I had never experienced love the way I did with him, but I know when something is finished.
When he pulled up to my house, I didn't even look at him as I took my bag and walked through the gates. As I walked in the door, my family was there to greet me. I quickly caught them up on the situation and told them I'd be hiding in my room for the night. I immediately deleted our relationship on Facebook and de-activated my account. I do this for a few months out of every year anyway, just to bring myself back to the real world. It was overdue and this seemed like the perfect time. Andréa sent me a text a few moments later saying 'Lol, it's clear that way. Too [lâche] to explain. You're right. Flee.' That's exactly what I'm doing because this is a situation I don't want to be in.
My host parents planned an egg hunt for the kids so when little Gregoire asked me to join in, I had to decline. My excuse was that I didn't like chocolate. He already knew that. He was just being cute. Dinner was ready as soon as the egg hunt was over and Baptiste came to my room to get me. I was still kind of nerve-wracked and had no appetite so I told him I wasn't hungry. He just came in, gave me a kiss, and closed my door. About a minute later, I got a knock on my door. It was maman. She asked if I was sure I wasn't hungry. When I told her I was sure, she said that the lamb had been cooking all day so it would be an incredibly delicious meal I'd be missing. I just smiled at her and said "I know." She didn't try to push me and just closed my door.
The girls checked on me for the rest of the night, continuously stopping by my room and asking if I was okay or if I needed anything. My host sisters are so freakin' cute. At the end of the night, I heard a loud rapp on my door and knew immediately that it was my host dad. Didier walked in and said to me "I just wanted to give you a hug and a kiss!" Then maman walks in and says "Me too!" The two of them hop on my bed and embrace me at the same time. They squeeze me so hard that all of the air escapes my lungs. They both recoiled as I started coughing then the triplets ran into my room, jumped on my bed, and took turns leaving kisses on my cheeks. It was cute...I may be giving the wrong message by staying locked up in my room, but I'm not the least bit depressed. I just wanted to be alone to think.
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