I got all of my packing done in about 10 minutes this morning. I spent the rest of the time cleaning myself up, making lunch for the road, and making sure the house was in tip-top shape before we took off for our extended trip. Bonne maman, maman, the triplets, Google, and I hit the road by 11h00. I decided I'd sit in the very back of the van so that I could be by myself for the trip. This turned out to be a brilliant idea and I was able to take in the breath-taking scenery with my headphones in.
The seven of us got to the vacation home in less than four hours. It is absolutely magnificent!!! Out of respect for the family, I won't post any descriptive photos or reveal the location. The home has over 20 rooms, while the rest of the property includes a massive garden, prairies, stables, and recreational building. There's also a pool but it hasn't been cleaned yet.
I spent the rest of the evening getting to know the area. The girls showed me all of the rooms in the house and I was able to see Céline's family all the way back to Napoleonic times. Speaking of Napoleon, the room that they put me in has furniture dating back to that era. I absolutely love history so this place is kind of my haven. Plus, there's cool secret entrances everywhere which is a ton of fun!
Andréa and I had planned on not being able to talk these next 10 days because everyone said that there was no reception in this village, but it turns out that I'm the only one that has all 4 bars. It would have been better if Andréa and I weren't allowed to communicate though because our conversations throughout the day were absolutely worthless. He started out by sending me a text saying that he was going to get a tattoo while I was gone. First of all, when you're dating someone this seriously, you make these decisions together, so I felt disrespected. Second, the tattoo was absolutely f-ugly. It's a feather with a scrolled tip. As far as tattoos go, it was the least masculine I'd ever seen a guy suggest. I've had boyfriends get flowers that were more manly than that. But apparently, it's a symbol of love--a very ugly and unapparent symbol of love...I thought about it for awhile and figured maybe I wasn't seeing something that Andréa was seeing in the design so I showed it to everyone at the house. Without making any suggestions to sway their opinion, every single adult and child at the house blatantly said that they hated the tattoo. I don't understand people who get tattoos on a whim. For each of my tattoos, it took me years of reflection to think of the design, placement, and whether or not I would actually want it on my body for the rest of my life. It took even more time to find designs that would illustrate my personality and mean something to me. It had to go beyond pure definition. I'm down with being spontaneous from time to time, but not with something so permanent.
In the later hours of the evening, Andréa sent me a text saying that he and Damien dressed up as their girl friends for fun. DOT...DOT...DOT...Are you kidding me??? You're off for a weekend with three of your friends and that's what you're doing for "fun"? No offense to anyone that likes to go out in drag, actually, I have quite a few gay friends that do that, but he is MY BOYFRIEND. I was forced to picture the "man" in my life in a skirt, heels, with full on make-up. Ça ne va pas du tout...I almost barfed! If every girl wants to marry their father, then I'm obviously not marrying Andréa. My dad was military. Straight up! Do you think my dad would give his blessing??? Think about it. He dressed my brother and I up in camouflage and posed us with guns as children...
I joked with Andréa about him being gay and he totally flipped out!!! He didn't even ask if I was being serious. And yeah, I didn't like the fact that he looked like a chick but it wasn't THAT big of a deal. I saw that I struck a nerve though so I went along with it. The conversation really went much too far and Andréa really took me too seriously though you can't really tell when someone's being sarcastic over text messages. He started cursing and really insulting me so I ended up getting pissed off. Honestly, he reacted much too badly to the comments for me to not wonder if the critiques had some sort of foundation. I'm sure he looked in the mirror after I told him he looked like a loser and thought "Fuck. She's right." I have absolutely no doubt in my mind...The four of them must've been EXTREMELY bored if they were on vacation and that's how they chose to spend their time. I can honestly say that I've never done that with any of my guy friends, and no, I don't find it funny at all, especially because Andréa is supposed to be a man. My man.
I knew there was a good possibility it'd be a mistake to date a French guy. Not only was I NOT looking for a relationship, but French guys are not my type at all. They're much more feminine, much more manicured than what I'm used to. Andréa already cares more about fashion than me. I'm the type of girl that likes to be pretty every once in awhile, but I'm completely comfortable going out in a t-shirt and jeans. I don't really care about what I'm wearing because I want people to look at my face, not my body. On top of that, I listen to metal, love horror movies, and have a python as a pet. I'm a country girl at heart--I shoot guns, fish with my dad and brother, and play paintball with my guy friends. I cannot understand how anyone who knows any of that about me would think that I'd date a guy that thinks he can be Barbie--even for a night. I'm twenty six years old. I don't want to be with a boy, I want a MAN. I've never had a boyfriend dress up like a girl before. My ex Matt put on my jeans once and that was kind of funny because they barely went up his legs, but he never tried on my heels, nor did he ever wear any of my make-up. Had I known this was Andréa's idea of fun, I would've thought twice about dating him before-hand. I guess it really just is cultural differences. Those differences though are already built into Andréa, therefore, I need to move on because I cannot picture him looking like a chick again. Do any of you hetero-women out there think you could have sex with your boyfriends or husbands after you saw them dressed as a girl? If you can, more power to you, but as for me, my sex drive totally died.
I guess I'm still searching. Or more likely, I'm not. Those of you who know me understand. I'll wait until the next challenger falls into my lap as they always do. I'm just not one to look for love. It always just shows up when I least expect it.
Andréa ended up saying some really harsh things and I blew back with some of my own creative words. He's the one single boyfriend that has annoyed me no matter what he does and my critiques lower his confidence no matter how miniscule they are. I'm sure like everything else, they just build up. I feel really bad that I make him self-conscious but if he's looking to grow up and live in the adult world (i.e. move to a different country and find a lasting profession), he needs to double-track every once in awhile and think about what he's doing and the repercussions that might be involved. That includes who might find out what he's been up to especially because he and his friends put everything on FB. He thinks I have no humor, but honestly, he and I just don't have the SAME TYPE of humor. He's easily amused whereas I like to have a good genuine laugh where some intellect is involved. It's just not funny to me if there aren't any neurons involved. If any two-bit idiot can do it, then it won't intrigue me. Andréa's just too young to understand what I really need and expect, and I'm too old and serious to understand him in general. I'm just going to leave it at that.
I was looking at my pictures the other day and I haven't grinned from ear-to-ear since about February when we started getting super serious. I think it's because he doesn't make me happy anymore. Epictetus once said "If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid" and that just does not exist with Andréa. I don't care if I look like a dumbass because I'm human, obviously, but for some reason, it's such a big deal to him. Any sort of criticism is constructive and most people don't give you advice to hurt your feelings. It's like no one makes mistakes to him. So, I'm done with pretending that things will get better just because one or both of us has hope. Honestly, hope is for pussies. If you want to get something done, you just have to go out and do it. And we're not doing jack or shit, so it's time to drop it all.
Andréa said that I'm always looking for a reason to get rid of him, and you know, I think he's right. Since he wigged out on me a few weeks ago, I haven't felt the same about him. I don't look at him the same way...I've fallen out of love with him. I know it and he knows it. But I can't change it. It's so funny how one event can change an entire relationship. But for as fast as this relationship started, I knew there was a possibility it'd shut down just as fast. I'm not sorry for what's happened between us. I think what we had was great, at one point in time, but ultimately "all great things must come to an end."
The seven of us got to the vacation home in less than four hours. It is absolutely magnificent!!! Out of respect for the family, I won't post any descriptive photos or reveal the location. The home has over 20 rooms, while the rest of the property includes a massive garden, prairies, stables, and recreational building. There's also a pool but it hasn't been cleaned yet.
I spent the rest of the evening getting to know the area. The girls showed me all of the rooms in the house and I was able to see Céline's family all the way back to Napoleonic times. Speaking of Napoleon, the room that they put me in has furniture dating back to that era. I absolutely love history so this place is kind of my haven. Plus, there's cool secret entrances everywhere which is a ton of fun!
Andréa and I had planned on not being able to talk these next 10 days because everyone said that there was no reception in this village, but it turns out that I'm the only one that has all 4 bars. It would have been better if Andréa and I weren't allowed to communicate though because our conversations throughout the day were absolutely worthless. He started out by sending me a text saying that he was going to get a tattoo while I was gone. First of all, when you're dating someone this seriously, you make these decisions together, so I felt disrespected. Second, the tattoo was absolutely f-ugly. It's a feather with a scrolled tip. As far as tattoos go, it was the least masculine I'd ever seen a guy suggest. I've had boyfriends get flowers that were more manly than that. But apparently, it's a symbol of love--a very ugly and unapparent symbol of love...I thought about it for awhile and figured maybe I wasn't seeing something that Andréa was seeing in the design so I showed it to everyone at the house. Without making any suggestions to sway their opinion, every single adult and child at the house blatantly said that they hated the tattoo. I don't understand people who get tattoos on a whim. For each of my tattoos, it took me years of reflection to think of the design, placement, and whether or not I would actually want it on my body for the rest of my life. It took even more time to find designs that would illustrate my personality and mean something to me. It had to go beyond pure definition. I'm down with being spontaneous from time to time, but not with something so permanent.
In the later hours of the evening, Andréa sent me a text saying that he and Damien dressed up as their girl friends for fun. DOT...DOT...DOT...Are you kidding me??? You're off for a weekend with three of your friends and that's what you're doing for "fun"? No offense to anyone that likes to go out in drag, actually, I have quite a few gay friends that do that, but he is MY BOYFRIEND. I was forced to picture the "man" in my life in a skirt, heels, with full on make-up. Ça ne va pas du tout...I almost barfed! If every girl wants to marry their father, then I'm obviously not marrying Andréa. My dad was military. Straight up! Do you think my dad would give his blessing??? Think about it. He dressed my brother and I up in camouflage and posed us with guns as children...
I joked with Andréa about him being gay and he totally flipped out!!! He didn't even ask if I was being serious. And yeah, I didn't like the fact that he looked like a chick but it wasn't THAT big of a deal. I saw that I struck a nerve though so I went along with it. The conversation really went much too far and Andréa really took me too seriously though you can't really tell when someone's being sarcastic over text messages. He started cursing and really insulting me so I ended up getting pissed off. Honestly, he reacted much too badly to the comments for me to not wonder if the critiques had some sort of foundation. I'm sure he looked in the mirror after I told him he looked like a loser and thought "Fuck. She's right." I have absolutely no doubt in my mind...The four of them must've been EXTREMELY bored if they were on vacation and that's how they chose to spend their time. I can honestly say that I've never done that with any of my guy friends, and no, I don't find it funny at all, especially because Andréa is supposed to be a man. My man.
I knew there was a good possibility it'd be a mistake to date a French guy. Not only was I NOT looking for a relationship, but French guys are not my type at all. They're much more feminine, much more manicured than what I'm used to. Andréa already cares more about fashion than me. I'm the type of girl that likes to be pretty every once in awhile, but I'm completely comfortable going out in a t-shirt and jeans. I don't really care about what I'm wearing because I want people to look at my face, not my body. On top of that, I listen to metal, love horror movies, and have a python as a pet. I'm a country girl at heart--I shoot guns, fish with my dad and brother, and play paintball with my guy friends. I cannot understand how anyone who knows any of that about me would think that I'd date a guy that thinks he can be Barbie--even for a night. I'm twenty six years old. I don't want to be with a boy, I want a MAN. I've never had a boyfriend dress up like a girl before. My ex Matt put on my jeans once and that was kind of funny because they barely went up his legs, but he never tried on my heels, nor did he ever wear any of my make-up. Had I known this was Andréa's idea of fun, I would've thought twice about dating him before-hand. I guess it really just is cultural differences. Those differences though are already built into Andréa, therefore, I need to move on because I cannot picture him looking like a chick again. Do any of you hetero-women out there think you could have sex with your boyfriends or husbands after you saw them dressed as a girl? If you can, more power to you, but as for me, my sex drive totally died.
"According to Greek Mythology,
humans were originally created with four arms,
four legs, and a head with two faces.
Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate beings,
condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves."
- Plato's The Symposium
I guess I'm still searching. Or more likely, I'm not. Those of you who know me understand. I'll wait until the next challenger falls into my lap as they always do. I'm just not one to look for love. It always just shows up when I least expect it.
Andréa ended up saying some really harsh things and I blew back with some of my own creative words. He's the one single boyfriend that has annoyed me no matter what he does and my critiques lower his confidence no matter how miniscule they are. I'm sure like everything else, they just build up. I feel really bad that I make him self-conscious but if he's looking to grow up and live in the adult world (i.e. move to a different country and find a lasting profession), he needs to double-track every once in awhile and think about what he's doing and the repercussions that might be involved. That includes who might find out what he's been up to especially because he and his friends put everything on FB. He thinks I have no humor, but honestly, he and I just don't have the SAME TYPE of humor. He's easily amused whereas I like to have a good genuine laugh where some intellect is involved. It's just not funny to me if there aren't any neurons involved. If any two-bit idiot can do it, then it won't intrigue me. Andréa's just too young to understand what I really need and expect, and I'm too old and serious to understand him in general. I'm just going to leave it at that.
I was looking at my pictures the other day and I haven't grinned from ear-to-ear since about February when we started getting super serious. I think it's because he doesn't make me happy anymore. Epictetus once said "If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid" and that just does not exist with Andréa. I don't care if I look like a dumbass because I'm human, obviously, but for some reason, it's such a big deal to him. Any sort of criticism is constructive and most people don't give you advice to hurt your feelings. It's like no one makes mistakes to him. So, I'm done with pretending that things will get better just because one or both of us has hope. Honestly, hope is for pussies. If you want to get something done, you just have to go out and do it. And we're not doing jack or shit, so it's time to drop it all.
Andréa said that I'm always looking for a reason to get rid of him, and you know, I think he's right. Since he wigged out on me a few weeks ago, I haven't felt the same about him. I don't look at him the same way...I've fallen out of love with him. I know it and he knows it. But I can't change it. It's so funny how one event can change an entire relationship. But for as fast as this relationship started, I knew there was a possibility it'd shut down just as fast. I'm not sorry for what's happened between us. I think what we had was great, at one point in time, but ultimately "all great things must come to an end."
Umm, I would be completely freaked out if Vince dressed up in my clothing. And I think he would be completely freaked out if one of his "friends" suggested doing it. SOOOO weird...
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