Can someone please explain to me why the sky is always overcast when there's a meteor shower? The ONLY place I can ever get the full show is in Virginia. I wasn't able to view any meteor showers while I lived in Indiana and I haven't been able to see any while I've been in France. I caught the last bit of the Quadrantids in January but that was purely by accident. The peak of the Lyrids was last night while I was with Andréa. It would've been nice to watch shooting stars together but again, the sky was full of clouds. And what's more, it's supposed to be like that all week, so I'm out of luck.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Lundi, 22 Avril 2013: Boomerang Effect
I had spent all of Sunday kind of in a daze. I was thinking of Andréa of course because I had nothing else to distract me. Being at the vacation home last week was really a blessing because I was too busy to think about relationship problems. And though I was back in Aix yesterday, I had my friends to keep me focused on other things. I'm the type of person that can't stand it when people are mad at me. Ask any of my friends...I sent Andréa a text last night on his work phone. I had deleted his personal cell number as usual so the work cell was the only way I could communicate my concerns to him. I knew he wouldn't see the message until he started work so I waited patiently for a reply, because I knew that he couldn't ignore me. I told him I was sorry I was harsh and that I hoped he could be my friend. He's been such a big part of my experience in France that I can't just drop him. I'd rather see him with another girl than not see him at all.
I'm kind of jealous of the relationship Andréa has with his best friend Manon. She can say the meanest things to him and he just does not care. But if I make any comment that is the least bit critical, he completely flips his lid! I understand that my opinion would mean more to him because I was his girlfriend but his reactions were not a good response. I honestly have no idea why Andréa and Manon have never dated. They're exactly alike personality wise. But I also understand that once someone is your friend, they will always just be your friend. I feel like Andréa and I were never meant to date though. I love him, but our personalities clash. We're only a few years apart but a lot happens in your 20's that change you overall. If only I knew what I know now at his age...I would've chosen a lot of different paths.
Andréa wrote back around 4h00 like I knew he would. The text woke me up and I read it but I decided not to reply until later on when I was properly awake. His reply was in english. It said "I don't know what to think now. I have a knife in my heart." I don't know why, but the message made me laugh out loud. Maybe because of how dramatic it was. Boy, when Andréa feels, HE FEELS EVERYTHING. He said that maybe we could be friends one day but that he doesn't have any heart left to give to anyone else and that he had given me all of it. He also mentioned something about being an asshole from now on so that he won't feel pain. I couldn't stop laughing at this point and so I wrote back and told him that he should just stop while he's ahead and that he'll find someone that truly makes him happy someday. He then told me that he waited 6 years for me to come along and that he will never find anyone better than me. I thought that was cute at first, but then I remembered all of the horrible things he said to me, about me.
We went on chatting and I told him the future wasn't as bleak as it seemed. Andréa has a way with his words. No matter how indifferent I am, he can always make me feel as sad as he is. He randomly sent a text saying that he would accept my old proposition to be friends with benefits. I had told him I wanted this after the last big blow up. I thought it would be a solution to all of our fighting because if you don't feel like you're entitled to each other, you don't have the right to get mad about anything. I've never done it before, but I was sure that Andréa wouldn't last. He's too territorial. I can be too, but I can shut off my emotions. I've had lots of years of practice with all of the boyfriends and my abusive mom. Being friends with benefits seemed like it would work. That was the optimist lurking inside me. I'm not the type of girl to just change partners though--without extended time between so I thought our relationship would change to a relationship of convenience of sorts. Sex is good for your brain. Anyone who tells you any different is not getting laid. There's even research to support it. Google it!
When I agreed to be friends with benefits, I knew I had lit a new fire inside of Andréa. He wanted to start right away so a couple of hours later, I was on my way to Marseille. I told myself that no matter how much Andréa would plead with me, that I had to fight the urge to try to go back to the relationship. We're just simply not meant to be. And once I get an idea into my head, it's set. There's no turning back. When Andréa told me the relationship was over last week, it was totally over for me. You don't have to tell me anything twice. If you say it's done, then it's done. I don't try to change your mind, I just accept it. As a result, I come up with all of the reasons why you're right until I'm able to justify what happened. It's not a game and I don't have to believe it, because it's already true.
I arrived at Andréa's and it was extremely weird, as I knew it would be. He had that sad puppy dog look about him and I tried to uphold my composed demeanor. I gave him a hug and sat down on the couch. He sat down next to me, without looking at me. I tried to be 'friendly' and ask him about life for the past week. Everytime we made eye contact though, he would look away. It didn't bother me at all to look him in the eyes, but for him it was difficult. I could see that his eyes were red but I didn't know what from. I found out soon after that he learned about Mathieu--just minutes before I got to his apartment. Tears started pouring out of his eyes and he went to the freezer for a bottle of whiskey, which he chugged. Behavior like this really bothers me so I tried to calm him down and keep the bottle out of his reach without having to tell him not to touch it. I figured hooking up would get his mind off of things for awhile so...yep. It didn't feel nonchalant. It felt like make-up sex. [I'm sure my brother is horrified if he's reading this, but we're not children anymore ;-)]
The two of us talked. Andréa cried on and off. He also drank as much as he could without me yelling at him. I really hated seeing him like that but I had to stay cool and collected. "No relapses". I tried to re-assure him that everything would be alright. I promised him that he would meet someone perfect for him someday. He dismissed it all, but I know he's just living in the moment right now and the pain is just too fresh to be able to look ahead.
When it came time for me to leave, Andréa begged me to stay but I had to go back to Aix to pick up Greg. He made me promise to come back afterward and when my host mom gave me the 'okay,' I promised. I'm sure my host family is getting weary of all of the break ups and disputes with Andréa. I would give them less information if I could but they always know when something's wrong with me. Plus, I can't lie. Céline and Didier never thought Andréa was right for me, personally. They like him, but not for me. They see me everyday so they know me pretty well. They also know my family history in its entirety so they're able to judge from that as well.
I talked to Mathieu while I was waiting for maman to get home from work. I told him that it'd be better if we just remained friends because it's too late for me to get involved with someone else. He agreed, though he had his own reasoning. Mathieu's a pretty smart guy though. He knew that Andréa had something to do with my recent decision-making. He simply said that he understood and that he would like to continue to hang out. I don't see any problem with this since Andréa and I are just "friends" and Mathieu and I aren't dating anyway. Mathieu is likeable, that's for sure. But I'm also sure the butterflies I felt were false. They were the nervous butterflies you get when something new and interesting comes along, not when you're falling in love. I tried to tell Andréa this when he upset himself again later on.
Andréa was more calm the second time I arrived and he didn't wreak of alcohol. He asked as many questions as he could without prying or being too nosy. I could tell he was jealous and hurt but I didn't want to be "girlfriend Melinda" and concern myself too much because we weren't a couple. As much as I say that, we still did things couples would do. I'm still trying to take the relation out of the relationship, but I'm still trying to figure out how that works. I'm constantly reminding myself that he's not my boyfriend and all of the guys blowing up my phone are helping. I'm just trying to be neutral.
I'm kind of jealous of the relationship Andréa has with his best friend Manon. She can say the meanest things to him and he just does not care. But if I make any comment that is the least bit critical, he completely flips his lid! I understand that my opinion would mean more to him because I was his girlfriend but his reactions were not a good response. I honestly have no idea why Andréa and Manon have never dated. They're exactly alike personality wise. But I also understand that once someone is your friend, they will always just be your friend. I feel like Andréa and I were never meant to date though. I love him, but our personalities clash. We're only a few years apart but a lot happens in your 20's that change you overall. If only I knew what I know now at his age...I would've chosen a lot of different paths.
Andréa wrote back around 4h00 like I knew he would. The text woke me up and I read it but I decided not to reply until later on when I was properly awake. His reply was in english. It said "I don't know what to think now. I have a knife in my heart." I don't know why, but the message made me laugh out loud. Maybe because of how dramatic it was. Boy, when Andréa feels, HE FEELS EVERYTHING. He said that maybe we could be friends one day but that he doesn't have any heart left to give to anyone else and that he had given me all of it. He also mentioned something about being an asshole from now on so that he won't feel pain. I couldn't stop laughing at this point and so I wrote back and told him that he should just stop while he's ahead and that he'll find someone that truly makes him happy someday. He then told me that he waited 6 years for me to come along and that he will never find anyone better than me. I thought that was cute at first, but then I remembered all of the horrible things he said to me, about me.
We went on chatting and I told him the future wasn't as bleak as it seemed. Andréa has a way with his words. No matter how indifferent I am, he can always make me feel as sad as he is. He randomly sent a text saying that he would accept my old proposition to be friends with benefits. I had told him I wanted this after the last big blow up. I thought it would be a solution to all of our fighting because if you don't feel like you're entitled to each other, you don't have the right to get mad about anything. I've never done it before, but I was sure that Andréa wouldn't last. He's too territorial. I can be too, but I can shut off my emotions. I've had lots of years of practice with all of the boyfriends and my abusive mom. Being friends with benefits seemed like it would work. That was the optimist lurking inside me. I'm not the type of girl to just change partners though--without extended time between so I thought our relationship would change to a relationship of convenience of sorts. Sex is good for your brain. Anyone who tells you any different is not getting laid. There's even research to support it. Google it!
When I agreed to be friends with benefits, I knew I had lit a new fire inside of Andréa. He wanted to start right away so a couple of hours later, I was on my way to Marseille. I told myself that no matter how much Andréa would plead with me, that I had to fight the urge to try to go back to the relationship. We're just simply not meant to be. And once I get an idea into my head, it's set. There's no turning back. When Andréa told me the relationship was over last week, it was totally over for me. You don't have to tell me anything twice. If you say it's done, then it's done. I don't try to change your mind, I just accept it. As a result, I come up with all of the reasons why you're right until I'm able to justify what happened. It's not a game and I don't have to believe it, because it's already true.
I arrived at Andréa's and it was extremely weird, as I knew it would be. He had that sad puppy dog look about him and I tried to uphold my composed demeanor. I gave him a hug and sat down on the couch. He sat down next to me, without looking at me. I tried to be 'friendly' and ask him about life for the past week. Everytime we made eye contact though, he would look away. It didn't bother me at all to look him in the eyes, but for him it was difficult. I could see that his eyes were red but I didn't know what from. I found out soon after that he learned about Mathieu--just minutes before I got to his apartment. Tears started pouring out of his eyes and he went to the freezer for a bottle of whiskey, which he chugged. Behavior like this really bothers me so I tried to calm him down and keep the bottle out of his reach without having to tell him not to touch it. I figured hooking up would get his mind off of things for awhile so...yep. It didn't feel nonchalant. It felt like make-up sex. [I'm sure my brother is horrified if he's reading this, but we're not children anymore ;-)]
The two of us talked. Andréa cried on and off. He also drank as much as he could without me yelling at him. I really hated seeing him like that but I had to stay cool and collected. "No relapses". I tried to re-assure him that everything would be alright. I promised him that he would meet someone perfect for him someday. He dismissed it all, but I know he's just living in the moment right now and the pain is just too fresh to be able to look ahead.
When it came time for me to leave, Andréa begged me to stay but I had to go back to Aix to pick up Greg. He made me promise to come back afterward and when my host mom gave me the 'okay,' I promised. I'm sure my host family is getting weary of all of the break ups and disputes with Andréa. I would give them less information if I could but they always know when something's wrong with me. Plus, I can't lie. Céline and Didier never thought Andréa was right for me, personally. They like him, but not for me. They see me everyday so they know me pretty well. They also know my family history in its entirety so they're able to judge from that as well.
I talked to Mathieu while I was waiting for maman to get home from work. I told him that it'd be better if we just remained friends because it's too late for me to get involved with someone else. He agreed, though he had his own reasoning. Mathieu's a pretty smart guy though. He knew that Andréa had something to do with my recent decision-making. He simply said that he understood and that he would like to continue to hang out. I don't see any problem with this since Andréa and I are just "friends" and Mathieu and I aren't dating anyway. Mathieu is likeable, that's for sure. But I'm also sure the butterflies I felt were false. They were the nervous butterflies you get when something new and interesting comes along, not when you're falling in love. I tried to tell Andréa this when he upset himself again later on.
Andréa was more calm the second time I arrived and he didn't wreak of alcohol. He asked as many questions as he could without prying or being too nosy. I could tell he was jealous and hurt but I didn't want to be "girlfriend Melinda" and concern myself too much because we weren't a couple. As much as I say that, we still did things couples would do. I'm still trying to take the relation out of the relationship, but I'm still trying to figure out how that works. I'm constantly reminding myself that he's not my boyfriend and all of the guys blowing up my phone are helping. I'm just trying to be neutral.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Samedi, 20 Avril 2013: Still Into You
We left the vacation home pretty early today and made it back to Aix around 16h00. The triplets left for their birthday trip to Italy soon after arriving and I headed out not long after. Mathieu and I had a rendez-vous in Le Tholonet before he left for business and I spent the rest of the night at Krystle's just re-capping the week. There you go, the end.
Here's a new song I'm digging. This one goes out to all of you fine people out there in cyberspace...My friend Sing Howe was director of photography for the video. You can check out his work at singhoweyam.com
Here's a new song I'm digging. This one goes out to all of you fine people out there in cyberspace...My friend Sing Howe was director of photography for the video. You can check out his work at singhoweyam.com
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Vendredi, 19 Avril 2013: Les Papillons
I was supposed to meet up with Azzedine today, another CS member, but we opted for another day due to family business. Everyone stayed inside most of the day. It's been sprinkling outside though the sun comes and goes. I figured I should stay out of the sunlight though considering I'm nearly black. I have this thing about dark skin. I don't like it on myself. I just think dark eyes are prettier on a light palette.
Anyway, Greg and I camped out in my room and watched the last Twilight movie. I found myself getting emotional at certain parts of the movie. Before the grand battle, Edward tells Carlisle that he's afraid all of the witnesses are putting their lives at risk for his own needs. Carlisle replies with "Everyone here has something to fight for. I certainly do." And that made me think about Andréa with a million questions following. Is he worth fighting for? I say I don't love him anymore, but is that true? Are the arguments worth the trouble if I do still love him? Why do we argue anyway? Can he stop taking me so seriously? Can he find another outlet for his anger so that he doesn't blow up on me? Can I get past all of the cruel things he's said to me? For every question that requires a yes or no answer, I choose "no." It's obvious I still love him but this is neither the time or place for us.
It's strange that Mathieu recently came back into my life because he was absent for so long. He says he stopped talking to me because I started dating Andréa. I didn't quite understand because he never told me he had feelings for me and I never got those hints. He only recently told me that he always saw me as more. And now I'm wondering if he could be more to me too. Mathieu is more my type--dark hair, older, settled in his career, but also an adventure seeker. He's still a bit shy which is intriguing to me and very chivalrous which caters to the sensitive part of me. Not that I needed much consoling but since Andréa and I have been fighting these past few weeks, Mathieu's been there for me. And I have to admit, I really like how attentive he is. For example, he recently bought me a trick hoop after hearing me complain about how crappy hula hoops are in France. I'm not a very gifty type but it's fun to get a surprise present every once in awhile. And it's just so cute that he's just so thoughtful...
I keep telling myself that I can't grow closer to someone else right before I leave but there's something about him that just draws me in. The more I speak to him, the more I want to be with him. And the more I learn about him, the more I feel like we fit. The good thing about Mathieu's job is that it takes him to the two main places I frequent--France and the U.S. East Coast. I'm not ready for another boyfriend yet but, it's still good to have someone to look forward to seeing. It might be too soon to be getting those butterflies again, but...maybe they're there for a reason. We're heading home tomorrow so I'll get to see him before he jets off to New York for business :-)
Anyway, Greg and I camped out in my room and watched the last Twilight movie. I found myself getting emotional at certain parts of the movie. Before the grand battle, Edward tells Carlisle that he's afraid all of the witnesses are putting their lives at risk for his own needs. Carlisle replies with "Everyone here has something to fight for. I certainly do." And that made me think about Andréa with a million questions following. Is he worth fighting for? I say I don't love him anymore, but is that true? Are the arguments worth the trouble if I do still love him? Why do we argue anyway? Can he stop taking me so seriously? Can he find another outlet for his anger so that he doesn't blow up on me? Can I get past all of the cruel things he's said to me? For every question that requires a yes or no answer, I choose "no." It's obvious I still love him but this is neither the time or place for us.
It's strange that Mathieu recently came back into my life because he was absent for so long. He says he stopped talking to me because I started dating Andréa. I didn't quite understand because he never told me he had feelings for me and I never got those hints. He only recently told me that he always saw me as more. And now I'm wondering if he could be more to me too. Mathieu is more my type--dark hair, older, settled in his career, but also an adventure seeker. He's still a bit shy which is intriguing to me and very chivalrous which caters to the sensitive part of me. Not that I needed much consoling but since Andréa and I have been fighting these past few weeks, Mathieu's been there for me. And I have to admit, I really like how attentive he is. For example, he recently bought me a trick hoop after hearing me complain about how crappy hula hoops are in France. I'm not a very gifty type but it's fun to get a surprise present every once in awhile. And it's just so cute that he's just so thoughtful...
I keep telling myself that I can't grow closer to someone else right before I leave but there's something about him that just draws me in. The more I speak to him, the more I want to be with him. And the more I learn about him, the more I feel like we fit. The good thing about Mathieu's job is that it takes him to the two main places I frequent--France and the U.S. East Coast. I'm not ready for another boyfriend yet but, it's still good to have someone to look forward to seeing. It might be too soon to be getting those butterflies again, but...maybe they're there for a reason. We're heading home tomorrow so I'll get to see him before he jets off to New York for business :-)
Jeudi, 18 Avril 2013: 11 Candles for the Triplets
We celebrated the triplets' birthday tonight. Their birthday isn't until the 22nd but they'll be with their dad in Rome then. Céline's aunt and uncle came for the dinner. Everything went well until we started eating. We had steamed shrimp as an appetizer. Bonne maman made the kids use forks and knives to remove the skins, lol. Anyway, We somehow got on the topic of maman being allergic to shrimp and I admitted that I was too. Bonne maman was baffled...'Well, how are you eating it now???' I had to explain through Didier that I had built up a tolerance over the years until my antibodies no longer fought the antigen. Bonne maman told me that I was crazy and that people die from allergies all the time. Obviously I'm not an idiot and always did it little by little, building up the amount over time and keeping an epi-pen nearby. I explained the process and while everyone was listening intently, she abruptly changed the subject. It was clear that the conversation was not yet over but I was tired of trying to translate anyway.
Next problem, Didier's family has always served dinner the same way--if the dish to be passed is in front of you, you serve the oldest or the host first. Didier offered to serve Bonne Maman the entrée before serving himself and she refused. Apparently, she yelled at him too but I wasn't paying attention. The dish then came to Camille who offered to serve me first, but I told her to serve herself since it was her birthday. We got in trouble for that, ha haha. I really don't understand what the pattern is, because it's not serving to the right as we do in America. Everyone also had a special seat. Yes, there was a seating arrangement. And I do not understand it at all, because traditionally--in Anglo-Saxon countries anyway, couples are seated across from each other but Uncle Georges and Aunt Rosan were seated next to each other while Céline and Didier were seated on opposite corners of the table. Whatever. I don't really care and no one can explain to each other what the rule actually is. The only person that knows these rules and regulations is Bonne Maman. The rest of the family is just guessing.
For dessert, Céline made a chocolate cake. We all know I don't like chocolate and with how much chocolate went into the cake, I told the kids I wouldn't partake. When it came time to dig in, Uncle Georges asked me why I wasn't eating. I had to explain that I am not a fan of chocolate but that I was going to taste the cake anyway. Bonne maman interjected with 'You're going to taste it? But you have no plate.' Camille chimed in with 'Well, she's going to take a bite of my cake.' And Bonne maman replied with 'No, she can't eat cake without a clean plate and she told Baptiste that she didn't want a plate so we put it back in the cupboard.' Baptiste immediately shot back with 'Actually, she didn't say that' and then Didier tried to come to my rescue by explaining that I didn't need an entire plate for a small morsel but I just gave him a look that told him to drop it. I'm very thankful that everyone had my back, but it wasn't necessary and I didn't want her to get irritated like last night. I know that she has a certain way of doing things and I had eaten too much anyway. I waited until the conversation died down a bit before I excused myself from the table. Now, I'm here writing about all of the excitement ;-) I'm all for traditions and ritual but if you can't explain it to the people around you, then it's kind of just there for your own amusement.
Next problem, Didier's family has always served dinner the same way--if the dish to be passed is in front of you, you serve the oldest or the host first. Didier offered to serve Bonne Maman the entrée before serving himself and she refused. Apparently, she yelled at him too but I wasn't paying attention. The dish then came to Camille who offered to serve me first, but I told her to serve herself since it was her birthday. We got in trouble for that, ha haha. I really don't understand what the pattern is, because it's not serving to the right as we do in America. Everyone also had a special seat. Yes, there was a seating arrangement. And I do not understand it at all, because traditionally--in Anglo-Saxon countries anyway, couples are seated across from each other but Uncle Georges and Aunt Rosan were seated next to each other while Céline and Didier were seated on opposite corners of the table. Whatever. I don't really care and no one can explain to each other what the rule actually is. The only person that knows these rules and regulations is Bonne Maman. The rest of the family is just guessing.
For dessert, Céline made a chocolate cake. We all know I don't like chocolate and with how much chocolate went into the cake, I told the kids I wouldn't partake. When it came time to dig in, Uncle Georges asked me why I wasn't eating. I had to explain that I am not a fan of chocolate but that I was going to taste the cake anyway. Bonne maman interjected with 'You're going to taste it? But you have no plate.' Camille chimed in with 'Well, she's going to take a bite of my cake.' And Bonne maman replied with 'No, she can't eat cake without a clean plate and she told Baptiste that she didn't want a plate so we put it back in the cupboard.' Baptiste immediately shot back with 'Actually, she didn't say that' and then Didier tried to come to my rescue by explaining that I didn't need an entire plate for a small morsel but I just gave him a look that told him to drop it. I'm very thankful that everyone had my back, but it wasn't necessary and I didn't want her to get irritated like last night. I know that she has a certain way of doing things and I had eaten too much anyway. I waited until the conversation died down a bit before I excused myself from the table. Now, I'm here writing about all of the excitement ;-) I'm all for traditions and ritual but if you can't explain it to the people around you, then it's kind of just there for your own amusement.
Mercredi, 17 Avril 2013: "Tu Mange Comme Un Cochon"
We had a situation at dinner tonight. Maman had made sushi which was absolutely scrumptious. The problem was that we didn't have chopsticks and the rice was a bit too soft so it kept falling out of the rolls. Baptiste tried to catch the falling rice with his hands without success. Since it landed on his plate, he tried to use his fingers to push the rice back onto his fork since no one had set out knives. Bonne maman was absolutely livid about this...She started out by telling Baptiste that he ate like a pig--which is absolutely insulting to a 10, almost 11 year old boy. I would've been pissed too.
She continued to provoke him, telling him that she had given him plenty of chances to correct himself, etc, etc. She kept on speaking to him even though he wasn't looking at her. And he was doing this out of self-preservation. The poor kid. He knew that if he looked at her while she was being demeaning that he would cry. His face was already blood-red. Bonne maman ended up giving him an ultimatum, 'you either look at me while I'm talking to you or you put down your dessert and go to bed.' So, he lifted his eyes and started crying. I felt so bad for him especially because as I looked around the table earlier, everyone was using their fingers for one thing or another but Baptiste was the only one in Bonne Maman's line of sight.
I understand that Céline's family comes from nobility but bitching out a 10 year old for using his fingers while eating is just ludicrous. Can someone please bitch him out when he poops and doesn't flush it, please? I feel like that merits more than eating with your hands. Other than that, it's SUSHI. Traditionally, sushi was created as a finger food. There are still many establishments in Japan today where sushi is made the way the sushi master was taught to make it ages ago and it is eaten just like that--without dipping sauce, and without chopsticks. It was made as a finger food, people. I don't care who or what you come from. http://www.wikihow.com/Practice-Sushi-Etiquette
Bonne Maman went on an on about the subject and Baptiste's reaction for about an hour or so as everyone cleaned up and tried to avoid/change the situation. She was making everyone feel uncomfortable--Didier included. I think she understood that she took the lesson too far though because she gave Baptiste chips and allowed him and his sisters to sit in front of the TV until the late hours of the night. I don't have any kids of my own, but I think that if you're going to yell at a kid about something, you shouldn't let them do something else that's normally forbidden to make yourself feel better for being mean.
She continued to provoke him, telling him that she had given him plenty of chances to correct himself, etc, etc. She kept on speaking to him even though he wasn't looking at her. And he was doing this out of self-preservation. The poor kid. He knew that if he looked at her while she was being demeaning that he would cry. His face was already blood-red. Bonne maman ended up giving him an ultimatum, 'you either look at me while I'm talking to you or you put down your dessert and go to bed.' So, he lifted his eyes and started crying. I felt so bad for him especially because as I looked around the table earlier, everyone was using their fingers for one thing or another but Baptiste was the only one in Bonne Maman's line of sight.
I understand that Céline's family comes from nobility but bitching out a 10 year old for using his fingers while eating is just ludicrous. Can someone please bitch him out when he poops and doesn't flush it, please? I feel like that merits more than eating with your hands. Other than that, it's SUSHI. Traditionally, sushi was created as a finger food. There are still many establishments in Japan today where sushi is made the way the sushi master was taught to make it ages ago and it is eaten just like that--without dipping sauce, and without chopsticks. It was made as a finger food, people. I don't care who or what you come from. http://www.wikihow.com/Practice-Sushi-Etiquette
Bonne Maman went on an on about the subject and Baptiste's reaction for about an hour or so as everyone cleaned up and tried to avoid/change the situation. She was making everyone feel uncomfortable--Didier included. I think she understood that she took the lesson too far though because she gave Baptiste chips and allowed him and his sisters to sit in front of the TV until the late hours of the night. I don't have any kids of my own, but I think that if you're going to yell at a kid about something, you shouldn't let them do something else that's normally forbidden to make yourself feel better for being mean.
Mardi, 16 Avril 2013: K.I.D.S.
I went on my run this morning. This time, I went alone, and I delved deeper into the village. I found an alley called Impasse d'Americain. I wonder if Americans were stationed there in war days. I met a young guy in the village today. He saw me running and came out to ask where I was staying since he had never seen me before. I think his name was Gaël, but I'm not sure I understood him really. He was super cool and invited me in for tea. He kind of had a strong accent though and it was way too early for me to be working cognitively. Instead of trying to struggle to understand him and asking him to repeat himself a million times, I decided to politely decline and made my way back home.
I knew that Bonne Maman wanted the leaves at the bottom of the drive to be raked and I was randomly feeling frustrated so I spent the next two hours getting down on some work. I had my music blasting in my ear and I was singing out-loud as a stranger approached me. This older fellow asked me if I knew where the wine-maker lived. Luckily, I had passed the winery the day before so I knew exactly where to tell him to go. I was reminded that I was not alone though so I stopped singing out loud. Then I got into another groove and started belting it out again. Hard labor and singing your heart out--two GREAT de-stressors, until you find a line of people chanting you on.
The kids kind of got on my nerves today. And by kids, I mean the triplets. Camille took a crap in the bidet because she was afraid to go to the bathroom by herself. Luckily, maman made her clean that up on her own. Thank the Lord, she never asks me to clean up puke or poop. I clean Greg's out of sheer love. After lunch though, the kids were told by the adults to rinse their dishes and put them in the dishwasher. Easy, right? No. I walk into the kitchen and the three of them are sitting at the table, gawking at the TV, playing on their phones, with the dishes just sitting there in front of them. I asked them once to please rinse the dishes and put them away. Léa immediately gets up and starts rinsing hers off while Camille and Baptiste try to run out of the door. I halt them before they make it all the way out and ask them what they're doing. They replied with 'we're going to play ping-pong.' This is when I absolutely bitch them out because the two of them had already half-assed what they were told to do earlier. Camille kept on taking food out of the fridge, eating a portion of it, and leaving it all over the kitchen for other people to clean up. I had asked Baptiste to help me move a huge, but plastic table before lunch and he threw a fit saying that it was pointless and too much work. I let them get away with stuff all the time but this is my vacation too so I ripped the two of them two new assholes. I told them that they were lazy and that if they can't help out with simple tasks then they can stop asking me for favors because they don't earn them.
The parents and Bonne Maman heard me yelling from outside and immediately came to my rescue. The three of them had my back and gave Camille and Baptiste a piece of their mind. These kids should honestly know better. I always ask nicely (the first and second time), and that's when they should get on it. But they wait until I have to repeat myself a third or fourth time, get pissed off, and then one or all of the adults comes to yell at them. They could really avoid being yelled at altogether if they just did what they were told. It's not like anything they're asked to do is the least bit difficult. They're honestly just lazy, and by they, I really just mean Camille and Baptiste. Oy vey...I really don't ever want to have kids. I don't care if it's a right of passage. It's too much work! I think I'll just stick with babysitting every once in awhile...
I knew that Bonne Maman wanted the leaves at the bottom of the drive to be raked and I was randomly feeling frustrated so I spent the next two hours getting down on some work. I had my music blasting in my ear and I was singing out-loud as a stranger approached me. This older fellow asked me if I knew where the wine-maker lived. Luckily, I had passed the winery the day before so I knew exactly where to tell him to go. I was reminded that I was not alone though so I stopped singing out loud. Then I got into another groove and started belting it out again. Hard labor and singing your heart out--two GREAT de-stressors, until you find a line of people chanting you on.
The kids kind of got on my nerves today. And by kids, I mean the triplets. Camille took a crap in the bidet because she was afraid to go to the bathroom by herself. Luckily, maman made her clean that up on her own. Thank the Lord, she never asks me to clean up puke or poop. I clean Greg's out of sheer love. After lunch though, the kids were told by the adults to rinse their dishes and put them in the dishwasher. Easy, right? No. I walk into the kitchen and the three of them are sitting at the table, gawking at the TV, playing on their phones, with the dishes just sitting there in front of them. I asked them once to please rinse the dishes and put them away. Léa immediately gets up and starts rinsing hers off while Camille and Baptiste try to run out of the door. I halt them before they make it all the way out and ask them what they're doing. They replied with 'we're going to play ping-pong.' This is when I absolutely bitch them out because the two of them had already half-assed what they were told to do earlier. Camille kept on taking food out of the fridge, eating a portion of it, and leaving it all over the kitchen for other people to clean up. I had asked Baptiste to help me move a huge, but plastic table before lunch and he threw a fit saying that it was pointless and too much work. I let them get away with stuff all the time but this is my vacation too so I ripped the two of them two new assholes. I told them that they were lazy and that if they can't help out with simple tasks then they can stop asking me for favors because they don't earn them.
The parents and Bonne Maman heard me yelling from outside and immediately came to my rescue. The three of them had my back and gave Camille and Baptiste a piece of their mind. These kids should honestly know better. I always ask nicely (the first and second time), and that's when they should get on it. But they wait until I have to repeat myself a third or fourth time, get pissed off, and then one or all of the adults comes to yell at them. They could really avoid being yelled at altogether if they just did what they were told. It's not like anything they're asked to do is the least bit difficult. They're honestly just lazy, and by they, I really just mean Camille and Baptiste. Oy vey...I really don't ever want to have kids. I don't care if it's a right of passage. It's too much work! I think I'll just stick with babysitting every once in awhile...
This is what happens when you let your kids watch trashy, reality TV.
If I ever have kids, they'll have two choices: Discovery or History channels
Lundi, 15 Avril 2013: Cascading Through
Maman woke me up around 9h00 today. She and Bonne Maman were going to town to get some groceries and the kids needed to be monitored. I had had beaucoup de sommeil so I immediately popped out of bed. I went down for my morning coffee and sipped on that while the two girls and Gregoire watched their usual trashy, reality TV. I told them to stay in the house and that I was going to go for a run, but they begged to come with me. About an hour later, everyone was ready to go.
The four of us jogged down to the village and made our ways through the nooks and alleys, escaping dogs that weren't accustomed to strangers. Léa stayed at my side the entire time. She's a great runner! Gregoire is even quicker than the both of us! The little dude has to take twice as many steps as us so watching him was like watching Speedy Gonzales. He is so freakin' cute! That's my little man ;-) Camille is always sick with something so as soon as we got started, she started complaining about stomach issues. For Camille, it's one of two things. Either, she doesn't actually want to run but doesn't want to look like a wuss so she pretends she really wants to go, and then finds an excuse to stop, OR, she has some sort of stomach disease that no doctor has been able to pinpoint yet. I'm guessing it's the first of the two, but whatever. She took Greg back to the house against his will while Léa and I explored the rest of the village. Everything is so old and everyone is so friendly here. It reminds me a lot of the rural areas surrounding Harrisonburg but the history here dates back before North America was even discovered. Léa and I passed by the winemaker's house who my host family apparently knows extremely well. I wonder if he'll show me his ways because I really enjoyed his 2012 bottle of white.
Léa and I circled the entire village before we met Camille and Gregoire at the bottom of the hill. They must've been walking really slow because we weren't running fast at all and had made quite a few stops. The four of us climbed back up the hill to the house and re-hydrated. Then, while the three of them played in the rec house, I laid out in the sun with my music and reflected on life for a bit. Self-reflection--DONE. I am independent and I've never needed a partner to define me. I am here to do one thing, and that's change the world. I can't allow love to get in the way of that. Love is just a mixture of dopamine, oxytocin, seratonin, and a bunch of other chemicals that are released in your brain that cloud your judgement. Basically, it makes you stupid.
With my renewed sense of self, maman loaded all of us kids into her van and we took a short drive in the early evening. When she stopped the car, the seven of us jetted across the highway and descended down a steep, leaf-covered trail. When we got to the bottom I was shocked! Sitting in front of me were three beautiful waterfalls. These were not your average, trickling waterfalls. These were sizeable rapids. ABSOLUTELY BREATHTAKING. I haven't seen waterfalls this gorgeous since Whiteoak Canyon Trail in Virginia. The perk of the waterfalls here is that you can pass right beneath them without wading through deep water.
I say it all the time but I am so blessed. I am so blessed that I found a host family that loves me like one of their own. They want me to experience all things french and everything that makes them who they are. I am so lucky that my family wants to show me France and take me on vacations with them. They really care about my experience here and it's so apparent with everything that they do for me. They've even shared their entire family history with me. I feel like I'm a part of this bloodline. Who knows? Maybe my great, great, grandfather who was french was a distant ancestor. That would be kind of weird and fateful in a way.
The four of us jogged down to the village and made our ways through the nooks and alleys, escaping dogs that weren't accustomed to strangers. Léa stayed at my side the entire time. She's a great runner! Gregoire is even quicker than the both of us! The little dude has to take twice as many steps as us so watching him was like watching Speedy Gonzales. He is so freakin' cute! That's my little man ;-) Camille is always sick with something so as soon as we got started, she started complaining about stomach issues. For Camille, it's one of two things. Either, she doesn't actually want to run but doesn't want to look like a wuss so she pretends she really wants to go, and then finds an excuse to stop, OR, she has some sort of stomach disease that no doctor has been able to pinpoint yet. I'm guessing it's the first of the two, but whatever. She took Greg back to the house against his will while Léa and I explored the rest of the village. Everything is so old and everyone is so friendly here. It reminds me a lot of the rural areas surrounding Harrisonburg but the history here dates back before North America was even discovered. Léa and I passed by the winemaker's house who my host family apparently knows extremely well. I wonder if he'll show me his ways because I really enjoyed his 2012 bottle of white.
Léa and I circled the entire village before we met Camille and Gregoire at the bottom of the hill. They must've been walking really slow because we weren't running fast at all and had made quite a few stops. The four of us climbed back up the hill to the house and re-hydrated. Then, while the three of them played in the rec house, I laid out in the sun with my music and reflected on life for a bit. Self-reflection--DONE. I am independent and I've never needed a partner to define me. I am here to do one thing, and that's change the world. I can't allow love to get in the way of that. Love is just a mixture of dopamine, oxytocin, seratonin, and a bunch of other chemicals that are released in your brain that cloud your judgement. Basically, it makes you stupid.
With my renewed sense of self, maman loaded all of us kids into her van and we took a short drive in the early evening. When she stopped the car, the seven of us jetted across the highway and descended down a steep, leaf-covered trail. When we got to the bottom I was shocked! Sitting in front of me were three beautiful waterfalls. These were not your average, trickling waterfalls. These were sizeable rapids. ABSOLUTELY BREATHTAKING. I haven't seen waterfalls this gorgeous since Whiteoak Canyon Trail in Virginia. The perk of the waterfalls here is that you can pass right beneath them without wading through deep water.
Dimanche, 14 Avril 2013: Explore and Be Explored
I went out last night with some guys I met on Couchsurfing. Florent was kind enough to meet me in the nearest "big" town and took me out to meet his friends. We spent the night partying with other blokes who wanted to practice their english skills. Everyone was super nice and hospitable. They educated me on the wine and history of the region. Definitely my type of people considering I make my own wine and love historical facts. They're a certain sort of intellectual that I enjoy. The entire night reminded me of my friends back in Harrisonburg. At home, I'm just one of the guys. We drink. We chat. We make fun of each other. And we laugh about it. I have a lot of close girlfriends but the majority of my friends are dudes and I'm okay with that.
The guys got me home at a semi-decent hour and I got ample sleep. Bonne maman woke me up at 9h00 for mass but considering the fact that I'm not Catholic, I opted out, and explored the massive garden instead. I did about 8 laps around the property which is probably a bit more than two miles. Running in a scenic area is so much easier because you're always distracted by the view in front of you rather than the thought of running out of breath.
I threw on my bikini and passed out under the bright sun while music blasted through my headphones. About 4 hours later, the kids came and found me in the garden, about 10 shades darker, ha haha. The weather has been absolutely impeccable since we've been here without a single, shady cloud in the sky. I love the serenity of this property so much that I never, EVER want to leave. It's a bit cut off from "civilization" with no internet and all but I had some practice letting go when I closed my Facebook account about a month ago. I feel so free! You have no idea. It's so liberating to be in this country lifestyle. I can understand why people move away from the city. You wouldn't think there would be, but there's so much to do. I spent the next five hours hiking the forests around us, getting lost, and finding my way back. I had forgotten how much I loved to do that back home...which really makes me miss home.
After dinner, I went upstairs to check my phone. I had been leaving it in my room because I wanted to detach myself from the outer world. I saw that I had a missed call from a number with no name and a few text messages from the same origin. It was obviously Andréa which was easily determined by the attitude. He claimed that someone called him, told him I had given them his number, etc, etc. You ALL know that if you're a friend of mine, I would NEVER give out your number without your permission, no matter how much I hate you at the time. So, there are two explanations. Either, A.) Andréa's friends are being uber-douche bags and screwing with him, or B.) He's just looking for a reason to talk to me. No matter which one it is, he should know that if I'm up to any shenanigans that I would WANT him to know that I'm the cause of his distress. Does he know who I am yet or not? Obviously, NOT.
The guys got me home at a semi-decent hour and I got ample sleep. Bonne maman woke me up at 9h00 for mass but considering the fact that I'm not Catholic, I opted out, and explored the massive garden instead. I did about 8 laps around the property which is probably a bit more than two miles. Running in a scenic area is so much easier because you're always distracted by the view in front of you rather than the thought of running out of breath.
I threw on my bikini and passed out under the bright sun while music blasted through my headphones. About 4 hours later, the kids came and found me in the garden, about 10 shades darker, ha haha. The weather has been absolutely impeccable since we've been here without a single, shady cloud in the sky. I love the serenity of this property so much that I never, EVER want to leave. It's a bit cut off from "civilization" with no internet and all but I had some practice letting go when I closed my Facebook account about a month ago. I feel so free! You have no idea. It's so liberating to be in this country lifestyle. I can understand why people move away from the city. You wouldn't think there would be, but there's so much to do. I spent the next five hours hiking the forests around us, getting lost, and finding my way back. I had forgotten how much I loved to do that back home...which really makes me miss home.
After dinner, I went upstairs to check my phone. I had been leaving it in my room because I wanted to detach myself from the outer world. I saw that I had a missed call from a number with no name and a few text messages from the same origin. It was obviously Andréa which was easily determined by the attitude. He claimed that someone called him, told him I had given them his number, etc, etc. You ALL know that if you're a friend of mine, I would NEVER give out your number without your permission, no matter how much I hate you at the time. So, there are two explanations. Either, A.) Andréa's friends are being uber-douche bags and screwing with him, or B.) He's just looking for a reason to talk to me. No matter which one it is, he should know that if I'm up to any shenanigans that I would WANT him to know that I'm the cause of his distress. Does he know who I am yet or not? Obviously, NOT.
Samedi, 13 Avril 2013: A Renewed View on Family History
I got all of my packing done in about 10 minutes this morning. I spent the rest of the time cleaning myself up, making lunch for the road, and making sure the house was in tip-top shape before we took off for our extended trip. Bonne maman, maman, the triplets, Google, and I hit the road by 11h00. I decided I'd sit in the very back of the van so that I could be by myself for the trip. This turned out to be a brilliant idea and I was able to take in the breath-taking scenery with my headphones in.
The seven of us got to the vacation home in less than four hours. It is absolutely magnificent!!! Out of respect for the family, I won't post any descriptive photos or reveal the location. The home has over 20 rooms, while the rest of the property includes a massive garden, prairies, stables, and recreational building. There's also a pool but it hasn't been cleaned yet.
I spent the rest of the evening getting to know the area. The girls showed me all of the rooms in the house and I was able to see Céline's family all the way back to Napoleonic times. Speaking of Napoleon, the room that they put me in has furniture dating back to that era. I absolutely love history so this place is kind of my haven. Plus, there's cool secret entrances everywhere which is a ton of fun!
Andréa and I had planned on not being able to talk these next 10 days because everyone said that there was no reception in this village, but it turns out that I'm the only one that has all 4 bars. It would have been better if Andréa and I weren't allowed to communicate though because our conversations throughout the day were absolutely worthless. He started out by sending me a text saying that he was going to get a tattoo while I was gone. First of all, when you're dating someone this seriously, you make these decisions together, so I felt disrespected. Second, the tattoo was absolutely f-ugly. It's a feather with a scrolled tip. As far as tattoos go, it was the least masculine I'd ever seen a guy suggest. I've had boyfriends get flowers that were more manly than that. But apparently, it's a symbol of love--a very ugly and unapparent symbol of love...I thought about it for awhile and figured maybe I wasn't seeing something that Andréa was seeing in the design so I showed it to everyone at the house. Without making any suggestions to sway their opinion, every single adult and child at the house blatantly said that they hated the tattoo. I don't understand people who get tattoos on a whim. For each of my tattoos, it took me years of reflection to think of the design, placement, and whether or not I would actually want it on my body for the rest of my life. It took even more time to find designs that would illustrate my personality and mean something to me. It had to go beyond pure definition. I'm down with being spontaneous from time to time, but not with something so permanent.
In the later hours of the evening, Andréa sent me a text saying that he and Damien dressed up as their girl friends for fun. DOT...DOT...DOT...Are you kidding me??? You're off for a weekend with three of your friends and that's what you're doing for "fun"? No offense to anyone that likes to go out in drag, actually, I have quite a few gay friends that do that, but he is MY BOYFRIEND. I was forced to picture the "man" in my life in a skirt, heels, with full on make-up. Ça ne va pas du tout...I almost barfed! If every girl wants to marry their father, then I'm obviously not marrying Andréa. My dad was military. Straight up! Do you think my dad would give his blessing??? Think about it. He dressed my brother and I up in camouflage and posed us with guns as children...
I joked with Andréa about him being gay and he totally flipped out!!! He didn't even ask if I was being serious. And yeah, I didn't like the fact that he looked like a chick but it wasn't THAT big of a deal. I saw that I struck a nerve though so I went along with it. The conversation really went much too far and Andréa really took me too seriously though you can't really tell when someone's being sarcastic over text messages. He started cursing and really insulting me so I ended up getting pissed off. Honestly, he reacted much too badly to the comments for me to not wonder if the critiques had some sort of foundation. I'm sure he looked in the mirror after I told him he looked like a loser and thought "Fuck. She's right." I have absolutely no doubt in my mind...The four of them must've been EXTREMELY bored if they were on vacation and that's how they chose to spend their time. I can honestly say that I've never done that with any of my guy friends, and no, I don't find it funny at all, especially because Andréa is supposed to be a man. My man.
I knew there was a good possibility it'd be a mistake to date a French guy. Not only was I NOT looking for a relationship, but French guys are not my type at all. They're much more feminine, much more manicured than what I'm used to. Andréa already cares more about fashion than me. I'm the type of girl that likes to be pretty every once in awhile, but I'm completely comfortable going out in a t-shirt and jeans. I don't really care about what I'm wearing because I want people to look at my face, not my body. On top of that, I listen to metal, love horror movies, and have a python as a pet. I'm a country girl at heart--I shoot guns, fish with my dad and brother, and play paintball with my guy friends. I cannot understand how anyone who knows any of that about me would think that I'd date a guy that thinks he can be Barbie--even for a night. I'm twenty six years old. I don't want to be with a boy, I want a MAN. I've never had a boyfriend dress up like a girl before. My ex Matt put on my jeans once and that was kind of funny because they barely went up his legs, but he never tried on my heels, nor did he ever wear any of my make-up. Had I known this was Andréa's idea of fun, I would've thought twice about dating him before-hand. I guess it really just is cultural differences. Those differences though are already built into Andréa, therefore, I need to move on because I cannot picture him looking like a chick again. Do any of you hetero-women out there think you could have sex with your boyfriends or husbands after you saw them dressed as a girl? If you can, more power to you, but as for me, my sex drive totally died.
I guess I'm still searching. Or more likely, I'm not. Those of you who know me understand. I'll wait until the next challenger falls into my lap as they always do. I'm just not one to look for love. It always just shows up when I least expect it.
Andréa ended up saying some really harsh things and I blew back with some of my own creative words. He's the one single boyfriend that has annoyed me no matter what he does and my critiques lower his confidence no matter how miniscule they are. I'm sure like everything else, they just build up. I feel really bad that I make him self-conscious but if he's looking to grow up and live in the adult world (i.e. move to a different country and find a lasting profession), he needs to double-track every once in awhile and think about what he's doing and the repercussions that might be involved. That includes who might find out what he's been up to especially because he and his friends put everything on FB. He thinks I have no humor, but honestly, he and I just don't have the SAME TYPE of humor. He's easily amused whereas I like to have a good genuine laugh where some intellect is involved. It's just not funny to me if there aren't any neurons involved. If any two-bit idiot can do it, then it won't intrigue me. Andréa's just too young to understand what I really need and expect, and I'm too old and serious to understand him in general. I'm just going to leave it at that.
I was looking at my pictures the other day and I haven't grinned from ear-to-ear since about February when we started getting super serious. I think it's because he doesn't make me happy anymore. Epictetus once said "If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid" and that just does not exist with Andréa. I don't care if I look like a dumbass because I'm human, obviously, but for some reason, it's such a big deal to him. Any sort of criticism is constructive and most people don't give you advice to hurt your feelings. It's like no one makes mistakes to him. So, I'm done with pretending that things will get better just because one or both of us has hope. Honestly, hope is for pussies. If you want to get something done, you just have to go out and do it. And we're not doing jack or shit, so it's time to drop it all.
Andréa said that I'm always looking for a reason to get rid of him, and you know, I think he's right. Since he wigged out on me a few weeks ago, I haven't felt the same about him. I don't look at him the same way...I've fallen out of love with him. I know it and he knows it. But I can't change it. It's so funny how one event can change an entire relationship. But for as fast as this relationship started, I knew there was a possibility it'd shut down just as fast. I'm not sorry for what's happened between us. I think what we had was great, at one point in time, but ultimately "all great things must come to an end."
The seven of us got to the vacation home in less than four hours. It is absolutely magnificent!!! Out of respect for the family, I won't post any descriptive photos or reveal the location. The home has over 20 rooms, while the rest of the property includes a massive garden, prairies, stables, and recreational building. There's also a pool but it hasn't been cleaned yet.
I spent the rest of the evening getting to know the area. The girls showed me all of the rooms in the house and I was able to see Céline's family all the way back to Napoleonic times. Speaking of Napoleon, the room that they put me in has furniture dating back to that era. I absolutely love history so this place is kind of my haven. Plus, there's cool secret entrances everywhere which is a ton of fun!
Andréa and I had planned on not being able to talk these next 10 days because everyone said that there was no reception in this village, but it turns out that I'm the only one that has all 4 bars. It would have been better if Andréa and I weren't allowed to communicate though because our conversations throughout the day were absolutely worthless. He started out by sending me a text saying that he was going to get a tattoo while I was gone. First of all, when you're dating someone this seriously, you make these decisions together, so I felt disrespected. Second, the tattoo was absolutely f-ugly. It's a feather with a scrolled tip. As far as tattoos go, it was the least masculine I'd ever seen a guy suggest. I've had boyfriends get flowers that were more manly than that. But apparently, it's a symbol of love--a very ugly and unapparent symbol of love...I thought about it for awhile and figured maybe I wasn't seeing something that Andréa was seeing in the design so I showed it to everyone at the house. Without making any suggestions to sway their opinion, every single adult and child at the house blatantly said that they hated the tattoo. I don't understand people who get tattoos on a whim. For each of my tattoos, it took me years of reflection to think of the design, placement, and whether or not I would actually want it on my body for the rest of my life. It took even more time to find designs that would illustrate my personality and mean something to me. It had to go beyond pure definition. I'm down with being spontaneous from time to time, but not with something so permanent.
In the later hours of the evening, Andréa sent me a text saying that he and Damien dressed up as their girl friends for fun. DOT...DOT...DOT...Are you kidding me??? You're off for a weekend with three of your friends and that's what you're doing for "fun"? No offense to anyone that likes to go out in drag, actually, I have quite a few gay friends that do that, but he is MY BOYFRIEND. I was forced to picture the "man" in my life in a skirt, heels, with full on make-up. Ça ne va pas du tout...I almost barfed! If every girl wants to marry their father, then I'm obviously not marrying Andréa. My dad was military. Straight up! Do you think my dad would give his blessing??? Think about it. He dressed my brother and I up in camouflage and posed us with guns as children...
I joked with Andréa about him being gay and he totally flipped out!!! He didn't even ask if I was being serious. And yeah, I didn't like the fact that he looked like a chick but it wasn't THAT big of a deal. I saw that I struck a nerve though so I went along with it. The conversation really went much too far and Andréa really took me too seriously though you can't really tell when someone's being sarcastic over text messages. He started cursing and really insulting me so I ended up getting pissed off. Honestly, he reacted much too badly to the comments for me to not wonder if the critiques had some sort of foundation. I'm sure he looked in the mirror after I told him he looked like a loser and thought "Fuck. She's right." I have absolutely no doubt in my mind...The four of them must've been EXTREMELY bored if they were on vacation and that's how they chose to spend their time. I can honestly say that I've never done that with any of my guy friends, and no, I don't find it funny at all, especially because Andréa is supposed to be a man. My man.
I knew there was a good possibility it'd be a mistake to date a French guy. Not only was I NOT looking for a relationship, but French guys are not my type at all. They're much more feminine, much more manicured than what I'm used to. Andréa already cares more about fashion than me. I'm the type of girl that likes to be pretty every once in awhile, but I'm completely comfortable going out in a t-shirt and jeans. I don't really care about what I'm wearing because I want people to look at my face, not my body. On top of that, I listen to metal, love horror movies, and have a python as a pet. I'm a country girl at heart--I shoot guns, fish with my dad and brother, and play paintball with my guy friends. I cannot understand how anyone who knows any of that about me would think that I'd date a guy that thinks he can be Barbie--even for a night. I'm twenty six years old. I don't want to be with a boy, I want a MAN. I've never had a boyfriend dress up like a girl before. My ex Matt put on my jeans once and that was kind of funny because they barely went up his legs, but he never tried on my heels, nor did he ever wear any of my make-up. Had I known this was Andréa's idea of fun, I would've thought twice about dating him before-hand. I guess it really just is cultural differences. Those differences though are already built into Andréa, therefore, I need to move on because I cannot picture him looking like a chick again. Do any of you hetero-women out there think you could have sex with your boyfriends or husbands after you saw them dressed as a girl? If you can, more power to you, but as for me, my sex drive totally died.
"According to Greek Mythology,
humans were originally created with four arms,
four legs, and a head with two faces.
Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate beings,
condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves."
- Plato's The Symposium
I guess I'm still searching. Or more likely, I'm not. Those of you who know me understand. I'll wait until the next challenger falls into my lap as they always do. I'm just not one to look for love. It always just shows up when I least expect it.
Andréa ended up saying some really harsh things and I blew back with some of my own creative words. He's the one single boyfriend that has annoyed me no matter what he does and my critiques lower his confidence no matter how miniscule they are. I'm sure like everything else, they just build up. I feel really bad that I make him self-conscious but if he's looking to grow up and live in the adult world (i.e. move to a different country and find a lasting profession), he needs to double-track every once in awhile and think about what he's doing and the repercussions that might be involved. That includes who might find out what he's been up to especially because he and his friends put everything on FB. He thinks I have no humor, but honestly, he and I just don't have the SAME TYPE of humor. He's easily amused whereas I like to have a good genuine laugh where some intellect is involved. It's just not funny to me if there aren't any neurons involved. If any two-bit idiot can do it, then it won't intrigue me. Andréa's just too young to understand what I really need and expect, and I'm too old and serious to understand him in general. I'm just going to leave it at that.
I was looking at my pictures the other day and I haven't grinned from ear-to-ear since about February when we started getting super serious. I think it's because he doesn't make me happy anymore. Epictetus once said "If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid" and that just does not exist with Andréa. I don't care if I look like a dumbass because I'm human, obviously, but for some reason, it's such a big deal to him. Any sort of criticism is constructive and most people don't give you advice to hurt your feelings. It's like no one makes mistakes to him. So, I'm done with pretending that things will get better just because one or both of us has hope. Honestly, hope is for pussies. If you want to get something done, you just have to go out and do it. And we're not doing jack or shit, so it's time to drop it all.
Andréa said that I'm always looking for a reason to get rid of him, and you know, I think he's right. Since he wigged out on me a few weeks ago, I haven't felt the same about him. I don't look at him the same way...I've fallen out of love with him. I know it and he knows it. But I can't change it. It's so funny how one event can change an entire relationship. But for as fast as this relationship started, I knew there was a possibility it'd shut down just as fast. I'm not sorry for what's happened between us. I think what we had was great, at one point in time, but ultimately "all great things must come to an end."
Vendredi, 12 Avril 2013: Preparations, Preparations...
I arrived back from Marseille early this morning. I had spent last night with Andréa in preparation for my 10 day visit to my host family's vacation home. My family and I, in fact, didn't leave today like I had thought but Andréa left for Montpellier on time with his friends. I spent the rest of the morning getting my documents in order to renew my student visa. I drove around centre ville to find a parking spot so that I could easily access the sous-prefecture. I ended up driving around for an hour and when I finally found a spot, I decided I was going to give up. The sous-prefecture was closing in 15 minutes. So that's it folks, I'm not renewing my visa. I'm either going to leave for the states in May or I'll just leave the Schengen area temporarily and return as a "tourist." As an American, I can stay in France for up to 90 days as a visitor. Though, I have a lot of desire to go back to Virginia and settle all of my business.
I went home and opened up the package my brother had sent me with all of my mail. There is no foreign mail forwarding service so even though I've changed my address with the U.S. Postal Office, my mail is still going to my parents' house. All of the letters in the package were repercussions of my mom's false fraud claim last summer. Fortunately, she wasn't able to fabricate any proof that she didn't sign any of the student loan documents so I win, again. There are a lot of fees attached to all of the legal work that went to my defense though, so I have a mound of bills to pay on top of all of the bills I already have when I get back to the states. I'm lucky to have a good job at home.
I was kind of short with Andréa all day due to all of the stress but I made an effort not to be mean and take it out on him. He did that thing that he always does though--asks questions. There are just some things that I prefer not to talk about at the time being but will tell him in due time. He likes to be up-to-date though--to the moment, so it's a bit of a problem for us. I often give one word answers when I'm frustrated and when I do this, Andréa always thinks he's the cause. I ended up having to tell him that if he didn't let it go that I would get pissed. He got the message. I don' t know if being nosy is a French thing or not, but it's certainly a difference between Andréa and I. I'm more of the "don't ask, don't tell" type. Americans are more inclined to keep things to themselves, or so I've been told.
I spent the rest of the night re-doing my taxes. I just got another W2 in the mail from a job I forgot I had last year. Let me tell you, filling out 1040X's are super annoying...So make sure you have all of your W2s and 1098-E's before you fill out your 1040 form!!!
I went home and opened up the package my brother had sent me with all of my mail. There is no foreign mail forwarding service so even though I've changed my address with the U.S. Postal Office, my mail is still going to my parents' house. All of the letters in the package were repercussions of my mom's false fraud claim last summer. Fortunately, she wasn't able to fabricate any proof that she didn't sign any of the student loan documents so I win, again. There are a lot of fees attached to all of the legal work that went to my defense though, so I have a mound of bills to pay on top of all of the bills I already have when I get back to the states. I'm lucky to have a good job at home.
I was kind of short with Andréa all day due to all of the stress but I made an effort not to be mean and take it out on him. He did that thing that he always does though--asks questions. There are just some things that I prefer not to talk about at the time being but will tell him in due time. He likes to be up-to-date though--to the moment, so it's a bit of a problem for us. I often give one word answers when I'm frustrated and when I do this, Andréa always thinks he's the cause. I ended up having to tell him that if he didn't let it go that I would get pissed. He got the message. I don' t know if being nosy is a French thing or not, but it's certainly a difference between Andréa and I. I'm more of the "don't ask, don't tell" type. Americans are more inclined to keep things to themselves, or so I've been told.
I spent the rest of the night re-doing my taxes. I just got another W2 in the mail from a job I forgot I had last year. Let me tell you, filling out 1040X's are super annoying...So make sure you have all of your W2s and 1098-E's before you fill out your 1040 form!!!
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Jeudi, 11 Avril 2013: Parc de la Torse
I decided I would re-start my morning runs today. I had been jogging on and off during the winter after I would drop Gregoire off at the crèche. I stopped altogether when the wind became blistering cold. You know that horrible sensation when you run and the cold wind is just blowing in your ears until they throb and your cartilage feels like it's going to break? Yeah, it was like that. I also have exercise-induced asthma so inhaling the cold air would make my lungs hurt more and slow me down. But, it's been nice for awhile now. So, I jump started my old morning regime. The park is just up the road from my house so it's conveniently there whenever I'm feeling motivated. There's really not much to say, so I'll let the pictures speak for me.
Mercredi, 10 Avril 2013: Lac de Peyrolles
I had a new adventure today! Krystle has kind of been my tour guide since I moved to France. She and Andréa have done well to show me things I would enjoy. Today Krystle, Graydon, and I went to Lac de Peyrolles in Peyrolles-de-Provence. It's an extremely small area in the midst of a beautiful countryside. It was a gorgeous day! Warm, sunny, inviting...The lake is big and turquoise, closed-in by a delicate, rocky beach which is surrounded by grassy areas. The water was much too cold to swim in, though I did test it much too early in the day. Andréa met us out there after he got off work. I'm surprised he didn't pass out with the sun beaming down on us--especially with his 4h00 to noon job stint. The four of us snacked, drank some beer, wine, and Panaché, hula hooped, and just relaxed. Andréa and I wrestled at some point in there ;-) Remember, "those who play together, stay together." What a great way to start the spring season!
Lac de Peyrolles
Graydon burying his Heinekens in the lake for chilling
Andréa, Krystle, and Graydon. The two guys were afraid to get burnt, haha
My lover
Kids absolutely love Graydon, and no one knows why.
This one's too young to know not to talk to strangers, ha haha.
Once the day was over, Andréa headed back to Marseille while Krystle and Graydon came with me to pick Baptiste up from soccer practice. After I dropped my buddies off, Baptiste and I headed home. Bonne maman and my host parents headed out the door soon after. They had a soirée with Didier's boss so I had the kids to myself again tonight. When I asked the kids what they wanted to eat, they decided they wanted steak haché medium rare and linguini with ketchup. I decided I wanted to make them eat a salad too. I guess they got almost all of their food groups ;-)
Mardi, 9 Avril 2013: A Day in Le Tholonet
I went straight to Krystle's apartment after I dropped Gregoire off today. She was trying to help me find some clothes for my shoot later on. We found a few things and headed back to my house so I could shower. I talked her into coming with me because the last time I did a mass shoot with a group of photographers and models, this photographer in particular was attached at my side. I was nervous.
We met up with the photographer at a grocery store and he led us out to Le Tholonet. I had visited this park before with Andréa but I'd never seen this part before. This area was full of red clay. It wasn't what I had imagined when he proposed the ideas for the shoot but it was too late to go back and find new outfits now. We shot for a good three hours. Krystle styled me and did my make-up. She even helped the photographer out a bit when he lost his sense of direction. All in all, it was a good shoot even though the photographer was a bit unprofessional at times. He carried me up and down the clay hills while I was in a short dress. Awkward. It was still a million times much better than the studio shoot I was a part of last month.
By 15h00, Krystle and I headed to centre ville to pick up Céline's mom who I lovingly call "Bonne Maman." I always love when she's here. She always helps with the housework and always backs me up when disciplining or setting rules for the children. Not that my host parents don't reinforce my ideas, but Bonne Maman is just much more strict and persistent. I like it!
When my host mom got home tonight, I headed back over to Krystle's so we could have dinner together. Her boyfriend Sebastien works two jobs to provide for them both so he's often gone until the early hours of the morning. Tonight, Krystle made me the most delicious, unworldly meal...This type of flavor explosion has never before graced my taste buds. It was salmon steaks covered in herbed cream cheese and wrapped in raw pastry dough. The cakes were brushed with egg yolk and baked to perfection. I died and went to Heaven! I can't wait to make this for Andréa! Though, he never likes my food ;-)
We met up with the photographer at a grocery store and he led us out to Le Tholonet. I had visited this park before with Andréa but I'd never seen this part before. This area was full of red clay. It wasn't what I had imagined when he proposed the ideas for the shoot but it was too late to go back and find new outfits now. We shot for a good three hours. Krystle styled me and did my make-up. She even helped the photographer out a bit when he lost his sense of direction. All in all, it was a good shoot even though the photographer was a bit unprofessional at times. He carried me up and down the clay hills while I was in a short dress. Awkward. It was still a million times much better than the studio shoot I was a part of last month.
By 15h00, Krystle and I headed to centre ville to pick up Céline's mom who I lovingly call "Bonne Maman." I always love when she's here. She always helps with the housework and always backs me up when disciplining or setting rules for the children. Not that my host parents don't reinforce my ideas, but Bonne Maman is just much more strict and persistent. I like it!
When my host mom got home tonight, I headed back over to Krystle's so we could have dinner together. Her boyfriend Sebastien works two jobs to provide for them both so he's often gone until the early hours of the morning. Tonight, Krystle made me the most delicious, unworldly meal...This type of flavor explosion has never before graced my taste buds. It was salmon steaks covered in herbed cream cheese and wrapped in raw pastry dough. The cakes were brushed with egg yolk and baked to perfection. I died and went to Heaven! I can't wait to make this for Andréa! Though, he never likes my food ;-)
Lundi, 8 Avril 2013: The Fight Against Cancer
The only person in our bloodline who has gotten cancer is my dad's sister. As far as diseases go, our family is generally untouched but that doesn't mean I don't worry. I think it's important to practice cancer prevention everyday. Honestly, everyone in this world gets cancer everyday, we just don't know it, and our body normally corrects itself before we even find out it ever existed. A lot of people aren't that lucky.
Since I've been living in France and getting to know my host family's extended families and friends, I've calculated that about a quarter of their family members have been afflicted with one or more cancers. I can't ever imagine losing anyone to cancer or getting it myself. I knew a kid once, Johnny, who was Laotian like me. He died of cancer when he was 8 years old. He had Leukemia during a time when treatment was pretty limited. I remember his parents after he died. They were absolutely destroyed. He was their only child until his brother was born many years later.
My friend Molly posted something on her FB a few weeks ago about a tea I had been drinking pretty much my whole life, Kombucha. It wasn't until I read her post that I found out Kombucha has cancer prevention and treatment properties. Apparently, some researchers studied cancer rates in slavic countries and found that cancer was pretty much non-existant in areas where people consumed Kombucha regularly--mainly Russia.
A few weeks before that, I discovered another cancer killer, Soursop fruit. I had been on StumbleUpon and stumbled upon a page about the fruit. There's no definitive research but the word on the street is that Soursop kills cancer 10,000 times more efficiently than chemotherapy. The only disadvantage is that if the fruit is over-consumed, you can develop neurological problems similar to Parkinson's disease due to the high annonacin content. I became extremely curious though and Googled forums about the Soursop fruit. Inhabitants of the areas where the fruit is most prominent claim to eat Soursop often and have never experienced mal-effects.
I kind of feel like the cosmos was trying to tell me something by bringing these two cancer fighting agents to my attention. It might be possible that I will get cancer in the future or maybe someone I really care about will get it. Whatever the reason, I ordered a Kombucha mother off of eBay and started brewing my first batch of tea last weekend. I've been checking the batch everyday and it seems to be doing well. It's been five days and the baby mushroom has already formed. I normally just buy it in the states but this way is so much cheaper, besides, I'll get to make it to my liking. I'll of course share it with all of my friends, host family, and extended host family. Cancer seems to be a pretty big problem in France so I would of course do anything to help. The Kombucha should be ready to drink in about a week or so but I'll be on vacation with my host family so this first batch will get some extra time to ferment. The next time I go out to the open air markets I'll look for the Soursop. Fruits and vegetables come in great variety here in the south of France so I'm sure I won't have any trouble finding it. I've seen enough pictures of the fruit to recognize it in person, but I looked up the french name just to be sure. It's called Corossol in French in case anyone here is interested.
Á votre santé!
Since I've been living in France and getting to know my host family's extended families and friends, I've calculated that about a quarter of their family members have been afflicted with one or more cancers. I can't ever imagine losing anyone to cancer or getting it myself. I knew a kid once, Johnny, who was Laotian like me. He died of cancer when he was 8 years old. He had Leukemia during a time when treatment was pretty limited. I remember his parents after he died. They were absolutely destroyed. He was their only child until his brother was born many years later.
My friend Molly posted something on her FB a few weeks ago about a tea I had been drinking pretty much my whole life, Kombucha. It wasn't until I read her post that I found out Kombucha has cancer prevention and treatment properties. Apparently, some researchers studied cancer rates in slavic countries and found that cancer was pretty much non-existant in areas where people consumed Kombucha regularly--mainly Russia.
A few weeks before that, I discovered another cancer killer, Soursop fruit. I had been on StumbleUpon and stumbled upon a page about the fruit. There's no definitive research but the word on the street is that Soursop kills cancer 10,000 times more efficiently than chemotherapy. The only disadvantage is that if the fruit is over-consumed, you can develop neurological problems similar to Parkinson's disease due to the high annonacin content. I became extremely curious though and Googled forums about the Soursop fruit. Inhabitants of the areas where the fruit is most prominent claim to eat Soursop often and have never experienced mal-effects.
I kind of feel like the cosmos was trying to tell me something by bringing these two cancer fighting agents to my attention. It might be possible that I will get cancer in the future or maybe someone I really care about will get it. Whatever the reason, I ordered a Kombucha mother off of eBay and started brewing my first batch of tea last weekend. I've been checking the batch everyday and it seems to be doing well. It's been five days and the baby mushroom has already formed. I normally just buy it in the states but this way is so much cheaper, besides, I'll get to make it to my liking. I'll of course share it with all of my friends, host family, and extended host family. Cancer seems to be a pretty big problem in France so I would of course do anything to help. The Kombucha should be ready to drink in about a week or so but I'll be on vacation with my host family so this first batch will get some extra time to ferment. The next time I go out to the open air markets I'll look for the Soursop. Fruits and vegetables come in great variety here in the south of France so I'm sure I won't have any trouble finding it. I've seen enough pictures of the fruit to recognize it in person, but I looked up the french name just to be sure. It's called Corossol in French in case anyone here is interested.
Á votre santé!
Dimanche, 7 Avril 2013: Spring Has Arrived!!!
Céline's sister Lucille, her husband JP, and three kids--Axel, Clémence, and Jean-Pierre visited today. The 13 of us all pitched in for a spring barbeque lunch. Didier grilled three types of sausages in the fire pit which we got to use for the first time since we moved into the house. There was mergeuze, a duck intestine sausage, and a classic pork sausage. Nom nom nom!!! It was so warm today with the perfect breeze!
The plethora of sausages cooking over the fire
Being a nanny when the weather is nice is so easy.
There are no walls for noise to echo off of,
and no messes to clean up.
AND, you get to watch the kids from the house.
Our aperitif--which was given to me last weekend. Super yummy!!!
And perfect for this warm day!!!
Lunch outdoors with my host family,
and my extended host family.
I love them so much!!!
I really feel like I belong here :-)
Right after we finished up lunch an old friend texted me, Mathieu. We had met when I first moved to France but I hadn't heard from him in months. He's one of those friends that talks to you when he feels like it. He lives in neighboring Gardanne and got bored lounging around all weekend so he proposed a hiking excursion. The relatives were getting ready to leave and everyone else was getting ready for a nap so I decided to go with him. We decided not to go far and hiked up Mont St. Victoire. Mathieu isn't really the hiking type--actually, he's not really the outdoorsy type at all, so we only made it halfway up the mountain before he called it quits. When we stopped for a break, he pulled out a picnic. I, of course, had already had a big lunch with my family so the poor guy basically ate by himself, ha haha.
When I got home tonight I Skyped with some of my friends and caught up on my blog reading. Through that, I found out that one of my best friends from college is pregnant!!! Caitlin, my roommate married Vince, my other roommate at the end of our senior year of college. The three of us along with Meagon lived together for 3 whole years in a house we lovingly called The Burrow. The four of us were one big, happy family :-) Meagon and I were in Caitlin and Vince's wedding. We were also there for every disagreement and happy moment that they had so it makes me so incredibly happy to know that two people I love so much are going to bring a little human being in this world with an endless amount of love and wisdom!!! I can't wait to see how cute Caitsies is going to be while pregnant and I can't wait to meet the little bug!!! After the week I've had, I'm so happy to finally get some great news!!!
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Samedi, 6 Avril 2013: Low-Key Babysitting...YES!!!
I woke up this morning with Andréa's arms around me. It took me a second to realize that I was in Marseille but when I figured it out I became uncomfortable. I started squirming under his arms and he woke up. He immediately started kissing me on my shoulders. I could tell he was nervous about kissing me on my face but he eventually got there and I became more at ease with each kiss. I wouldn't let him kiss me on my mouth though. I wonder if it actually works the way it does in Pretty Woman...
I didn't feel like staying there long and I had a photo shoot at noon anyway, so I made Andréa drive me back to Aix. When I got back, it was raining and it rained the whole day so no shoot. Céline and Didier were going out for the night so they told me to invite some friends over. I decided I was only going to invite one person, Kami. We hadn't hung out alone in over a month so it was overdue.
Kami really wanted spring rolls so we decided to make some tonight. I've made spring rolls three times since I've been in France and I always save her a batch but she never gets them, lol. Poor girl. Kami bought all of the ingredients for the spring rolls so we made a vegetarian variety tonight. I've never done that before but it was pretty good. I'll have to make her some marinated meat spring rolls next time. It's my favorite meal!
In addition to spring rolls, I baked two pizzas for the kids. I told everyone that we were going to eat 'the asian way' and that Asians don't use plates and eat with their hands. It's mostly true but honestly, I just didn't want to put dishes in the dishwasher if it wasn't necessary. The kids were all for it and clean up took a whole 60 seconds or less.
The kids were pretty good all night. Nicolas is in Greece with his school at the moment so we were down one energy level. All three of the rest of the boys went to bed pretty early while the girls decided to put on a fashion show for me and Kami. Kami had put my hair in a fishtail braid and the girls were mesmerized by the complicity of the look so the four of us ended up watching YouTube videos on different types of braids for the rest of the night. I was going to cut my hair tomorrow but after seeing all of the pretty things I could do to my long hair, I think I'll wait awhile...
I didn't feel like staying there long and I had a photo shoot at noon anyway, so I made Andréa drive me back to Aix. When I got back, it was raining and it rained the whole day so no shoot. Céline and Didier were going out for the night so they told me to invite some friends over. I decided I was only going to invite one person, Kami. We hadn't hung out alone in over a month so it was overdue.
Kami really wanted spring rolls so we decided to make some tonight. I've made spring rolls three times since I've been in France and I always save her a batch but she never gets them, lol. Poor girl. Kami bought all of the ingredients for the spring rolls so we made a vegetarian variety tonight. I've never done that before but it was pretty good. I'll have to make her some marinated meat spring rolls next time. It's my favorite meal!
In addition to spring rolls, I baked two pizzas for the kids. I told everyone that we were going to eat 'the asian way' and that Asians don't use plates and eat with their hands. It's mostly true but honestly, I just didn't want to put dishes in the dishwasher if it wasn't necessary. The kids were all for it and clean up took a whole 60 seconds or less.
The kids were pretty good all night. Nicolas is in Greece with his school at the moment so we were down one energy level. All three of the rest of the boys went to bed pretty early while the girls decided to put on a fashion show for me and Kami. Kami had put my hair in a fishtail braid and the girls were mesmerized by the complicity of the look so the four of us ended up watching YouTube videos on different types of braids for the rest of the night. I was going to cut my hair tomorrow but after seeing all of the pretty things I could do to my long hair, I think I'll wait awhile...
Vendredi, 5 Avril 2013: French Faux Pas
Léa and Baptiste had carnaval today at school. I picked them up around 11h30 with a friend and took them home to get ready. I had made penne in a whisky moscato sauce right before I picked them up so they ate as I showered. The pasta sauce idea kind of just came to me. I was looking around the kitchen and saw that there was a bit of alcohol left from my party so I wanted to get rid of it. I was craving pasta with a semi-sweet sauce so I thought, why not? I hadn't eaten a real meal in awhile so I thought today was a good time to get creative. I minced some garlic and sliced some white onions which I sautéed in butter. Then I found some frozen chanterelle mushrooms and cocktail onions which I threw into the mixture. Next came the alcohol. There was about a cup of whiskey left and a half a cup of moscato so I just finished off the bottles. I poured the alcohol over the vegetables and allowed the mixture to boil. Once the alcohol had boiled off and the sauce had reduced by half, I mixed in some brown sugar. I allowed the sauce to cool before I added the heavy cream. Today is the first day I've actually had an appetite so my concoction treated my taste buds well. The kids also seemed to enjoy it so that made me happy.
After lunch, the kids changed into their costumes. Baptiste decided to dress up as a soccer player--how original, ha haha. Léa and Colline decided they wanted to be goth for the day so they dressed in all black with skulls and crosses in random places. The next step was make-up which was my job. I put white foundation on the girls' faces, lined their eyes heavily, slapped on the black lipstick, and painted red streaks in their hair. I think my real-life goth friends would criticize me for this but hey, it wasn't my idea, and I was working with what I had. They're kids, they don't actually know anyone in the gothic world.
I dropped the kids off around 13h30, met maman by her office so I could get some paperwork from her, and drove straight to Krystle's. All of my friends in France have really been there for me this week, especially Krystle. She's really good at talking me through situations and getting me to some sort of conclusion so I can achieve some peace of mind. This time though, the process involved a little blue pill. Though I wouldn't normally take meds for my nerves, Krystle obviously knew that the Valium would help this time around. And she was right, I did feel better. I was still sad about my rabbit dying, but I wasn't as tormented. I wouldn't say I forgot about it, but it wasn't all that I thought about. I was distracted.
Krystle and I went to centre ville to run some errands. We stopped by our banks, gave some money to the less fortunate, and stopped by the sous-prefecture where I attempted to renew my student visa. The old building had some sizeable doors and no signs so I buzzed every button out there. A man came to the smallest door, opened the mail slot, and asked me what I needed. When I told him that I needed to extend my visa, he told me that they were closed and to come back Monday. They were 'closed' an hour before actual closing time so I was irritated. That's the thing about France, businesses don't actually have to abide by their listed hours. Since we had over an hour left before we had any other obligations, Krystle and I decided to get some coffee at a new café. We were in a part of centre ville that I never visit so it was pretty neat. I actually really love the location we stopped at and prefer the service over that of the Cours Mirabeau or Rue d'Italie.
Sebastien was due home around 17h00 so I took Krystle back so she could make him lunch. I got a text message from Andréa around the same time saying that he'd be at the house soon so we zipped out of the café. Andréa offered to come to Aix to drive Baptiste to soccer practice. He had been late the past two times due to his sisters forgetting random things at the house. I told Andréa that it wasn't his responsibility to take Baptiste to practice and that I didn't want him to use any gas on my part (especially after what he said during our dispute) so I told him not to come. He basically told me that he was just being a dick on Monday and that he didn't actually care about how much gas he used to see me, and that he wanted to come. I wasn't ready to see him yet and tried to find any excuse I could to deter him but none of it worked.
When Andréa arrived at the house, it was weird. He was obviously embarrassed for the way he acted and had his head bowed down the whole time. Anytime he looked up and caught my eyes, he'd blush and put his head back down. I kind of found this funny. I didn't feel like talking about what happened on Monday so I finished cleaning up in the kitchen as he just stood there. I wasn't really doing it to ignore him but I just felt really detached from him. It's like when you know that you love someone but so much has happened and so much time has elapsed that you've forgotten what it's like. I hate to say this but I felt like Andréa was a stranger to me. The memories that I had with him seemed like they took place years ago.
The two of us went and grabbed the triplets from their schools. Andréa and Baptiste took off toward the soccer stadium while I dropped Camille off at the pool and took Léa home with me. I had maman pick Gregoire up from the creche because my car was running on empty and I was afraid it would die on the road since the gas light had been on all day. I told maman I didn't have any gas earlier and she said she would fill it up later. I guess when I said I needed gas she thought I still had enough left to run the kids all over town. Sooo not the case. I used to ask for gas money when the tank was down to a quarter of a tank, but I've resorted to asking for it when I'm on empty because maman said that I fill up too often. They've started going to the gas station with me and filling my car up all the way which is so much better! Now they can see how much gas I use with the kids and how crappy the gas mileage on the car is.
As everyone else was at work or practice, Léa, Andréa and I were at the house alone. When Léa went outside to play with Google, Andréa started talking. When he got on the subject of how he was terrified he had actually lost me, he started crying. I couldn't really empathize with him this time and I can honestly say that I didn't feel bad, but I still gave him a hug and rubbed his back. Just because it's what I would normally do. He went on to explain that he knew he was being an asshole while he was yelling at me but that he was too proud to take any of it back. That bothered me but I know I can be guilty of that at times. The difference between him and I though, is that I'm really not violent when I'm being a bitch. He got whatever he needed to say out of his system and though I had more clarity on the situation I didn't feel any closer to him.
When everyone got home that night, Andréa took me out to dinner. We went to Piazza Papa which is one of my favorite places, only because it has my favorite salad with fromage blanc. My appetite still wasn't entirely back but I was at least able to taste my meal. I ate my whole salad and most of the meat cutlet. Sadly, the mound of pasta was left mostly untouched. I wanted to bring the leftovers to a homeless man I saw by the parking garage but like I said in past posts, to-go boxes are a French faux pas.
As we walked past the homeless man on our way to the car, I saw how much he loved his dogs--feeding them all the food he had without taking a bite himself. This, of course, reminded me of Simba who was bigger than most small dogs. I started getting teary-eyed. I realized I was getting overwhelmed with sadness and couldn't let the thought of Simba go. I started feeling depressed in the car but I knew we were going out tonight with Krystle and Sebastien. I didn't want to ruin anyone's time by being a downer so I took the other Valium that Krystle had given me. I still didn't have much food in my stomach and I'm sensitive to medication anyway so it took no time for the effects to hit me. I remember feeling nonchalant and really indifferent to everything.
By the time the four of us made it to O'Neals I was feeling okay. I was neither sad or happy. I didn't dance which is absolutely strange for me. I basically just existed. Krystle thought that I would liven up if I drank but I was still feeling the effects of last weekend's hangover so I refused. She basically took my head and pushed it against the straw until I took a sip. After that first sip, I was okay to drink, though not much. I was a bit tipsy but I still felt inhibited so by 1h45, Andréa and I decided to go.
On our way to the car, we passed by a young man who was passed out on the sidewalk. You all know me, I can't just walk by without doing something, and it was cold so Andréa, another passerby, and I stopped. I crouched down to wake up the guy. It took a few times...When the guy woke up, he was super violent, but only toward the older man. He tried to pick a fight with the kind gentleman which I convinced to walk away. Andréa offered to give the older man a ride but he refused and continued on home with the drunken idiot trailing him and talking shit. I was scared for him, but he seemed sure of himself. I hope they both made it home safely. Andréa explained to me that you should never wake up a drunken person in France because 9 times out of 10 they'll be aggressive. Faux Pas lesson 101. It baffles me because if you wake up a drunken person in the states, they're always so thankful that you're not leaving them out there for the cops to arrest them. Maybe people don't get ticketed here for being drunk in public?
As Andréa and I passed through the tunnel in Marseille, I started sobering up. I finally realized that I was going back to Andréa's apartment and that I would be alone with him. I started freaking out, thinking back to him screaming at me on Monday. I wasn't ready to go back yet but I remembered telling him at the bar that I would. It was too late to turn around now. We were almost there. I began having a panic attack and for me, the only solution was telling Andréa how I felt. He said he understood and that somewhat put me at ease but I was still uncomfortable. I didn't really know what to do with myself when we got to his apartment. I obviously felt welcome there but it still didn't feel right. I just climbed into bed and fell asleep with Andréa kissing my back.
After lunch, the kids changed into their costumes. Baptiste decided to dress up as a soccer player--how original, ha haha. Léa and Colline decided they wanted to be goth for the day so they dressed in all black with skulls and crosses in random places. The next step was make-up which was my job. I put white foundation on the girls' faces, lined their eyes heavily, slapped on the black lipstick, and painted red streaks in their hair. I think my real-life goth friends would criticize me for this but hey, it wasn't my idea, and I was working with what I had. They're kids, they don't actually know anyone in the gothic world.
I dropped the kids off around 13h30, met maman by her office so I could get some paperwork from her, and drove straight to Krystle's. All of my friends in France have really been there for me this week, especially Krystle. She's really good at talking me through situations and getting me to some sort of conclusion so I can achieve some peace of mind. This time though, the process involved a little blue pill. Though I wouldn't normally take meds for my nerves, Krystle obviously knew that the Valium would help this time around. And she was right, I did feel better. I was still sad about my rabbit dying, but I wasn't as tormented. I wouldn't say I forgot about it, but it wasn't all that I thought about. I was distracted.
Krystle and I went to centre ville to run some errands. We stopped by our banks, gave some money to the less fortunate, and stopped by the sous-prefecture where I attempted to renew my student visa. The old building had some sizeable doors and no signs so I buzzed every button out there. A man came to the smallest door, opened the mail slot, and asked me what I needed. When I told him that I needed to extend my visa, he told me that they were closed and to come back Monday. They were 'closed' an hour before actual closing time so I was irritated. That's the thing about France, businesses don't actually have to abide by their listed hours. Since we had over an hour left before we had any other obligations, Krystle and I decided to get some coffee at a new café. We were in a part of centre ville that I never visit so it was pretty neat. I actually really love the location we stopped at and prefer the service over that of the Cours Mirabeau or Rue d'Italie.
Sebastien was due home around 17h00 so I took Krystle back so she could make him lunch. I got a text message from Andréa around the same time saying that he'd be at the house soon so we zipped out of the café. Andréa offered to come to Aix to drive Baptiste to soccer practice. He had been late the past two times due to his sisters forgetting random things at the house. I told Andréa that it wasn't his responsibility to take Baptiste to practice and that I didn't want him to use any gas on my part (especially after what he said during our dispute) so I told him not to come. He basically told me that he was just being a dick on Monday and that he didn't actually care about how much gas he used to see me, and that he wanted to come. I wasn't ready to see him yet and tried to find any excuse I could to deter him but none of it worked.
When Andréa arrived at the house, it was weird. He was obviously embarrassed for the way he acted and had his head bowed down the whole time. Anytime he looked up and caught my eyes, he'd blush and put his head back down. I kind of found this funny. I didn't feel like talking about what happened on Monday so I finished cleaning up in the kitchen as he just stood there. I wasn't really doing it to ignore him but I just felt really detached from him. It's like when you know that you love someone but so much has happened and so much time has elapsed that you've forgotten what it's like. I hate to say this but I felt like Andréa was a stranger to me. The memories that I had with him seemed like they took place years ago.
The two of us went and grabbed the triplets from their schools. Andréa and Baptiste took off toward the soccer stadium while I dropped Camille off at the pool and took Léa home with me. I had maman pick Gregoire up from the creche because my car was running on empty and I was afraid it would die on the road since the gas light had been on all day. I told maman I didn't have any gas earlier and she said she would fill it up later. I guess when I said I needed gas she thought I still had enough left to run the kids all over town. Sooo not the case. I used to ask for gas money when the tank was down to a quarter of a tank, but I've resorted to asking for it when I'm on empty because maman said that I fill up too often. They've started going to the gas station with me and filling my car up all the way which is so much better! Now they can see how much gas I use with the kids and how crappy the gas mileage on the car is.
As everyone else was at work or practice, Léa, Andréa and I were at the house alone. When Léa went outside to play with Google, Andréa started talking. When he got on the subject of how he was terrified he had actually lost me, he started crying. I couldn't really empathize with him this time and I can honestly say that I didn't feel bad, but I still gave him a hug and rubbed his back. Just because it's what I would normally do. He went on to explain that he knew he was being an asshole while he was yelling at me but that he was too proud to take any of it back. That bothered me but I know I can be guilty of that at times. The difference between him and I though, is that I'm really not violent when I'm being a bitch. He got whatever he needed to say out of his system and though I had more clarity on the situation I didn't feel any closer to him.
When everyone got home that night, Andréa took me out to dinner. We went to Piazza Papa which is one of my favorite places, only because it has my favorite salad with fromage blanc. My appetite still wasn't entirely back but I was at least able to taste my meal. I ate my whole salad and most of the meat cutlet. Sadly, the mound of pasta was left mostly untouched. I wanted to bring the leftovers to a homeless man I saw by the parking garage but like I said in past posts, to-go boxes are a French faux pas.
As we walked past the homeless man on our way to the car, I saw how much he loved his dogs--feeding them all the food he had without taking a bite himself. This, of course, reminded me of Simba who was bigger than most small dogs. I started getting teary-eyed. I realized I was getting overwhelmed with sadness and couldn't let the thought of Simba go. I started feeling depressed in the car but I knew we were going out tonight with Krystle and Sebastien. I didn't want to ruin anyone's time by being a downer so I took the other Valium that Krystle had given me. I still didn't have much food in my stomach and I'm sensitive to medication anyway so it took no time for the effects to hit me. I remember feeling nonchalant and really indifferent to everything.
By the time the four of us made it to O'Neals I was feeling okay. I was neither sad or happy. I didn't dance which is absolutely strange for me. I basically just existed. Krystle thought that I would liven up if I drank but I was still feeling the effects of last weekend's hangover so I refused. She basically took my head and pushed it against the straw until I took a sip. After that first sip, I was okay to drink, though not much. I was a bit tipsy but I still felt inhibited so by 1h45, Andréa and I decided to go.
On our way to the car, we passed by a young man who was passed out on the sidewalk. You all know me, I can't just walk by without doing something, and it was cold so Andréa, another passerby, and I stopped. I crouched down to wake up the guy. It took a few times...When the guy woke up, he was super violent, but only toward the older man. He tried to pick a fight with the kind gentleman which I convinced to walk away. Andréa offered to give the older man a ride but he refused and continued on home with the drunken idiot trailing him and talking shit. I was scared for him, but he seemed sure of himself. I hope they both made it home safely. Andréa explained to me that you should never wake up a drunken person in France because 9 times out of 10 they'll be aggressive. Faux Pas lesson 101. It baffles me because if you wake up a drunken person in the states, they're always so thankful that you're not leaving them out there for the cops to arrest them. Maybe people don't get ticketed here for being drunk in public?
As Andréa and I passed through the tunnel in Marseille, I started sobering up. I finally realized that I was going back to Andréa's apartment and that I would be alone with him. I started freaking out, thinking back to him screaming at me on Monday. I wasn't ready to go back yet but I remembered telling him at the bar that I would. It was too late to turn around now. We were almost there. I began having a panic attack and for me, the only solution was telling Andréa how I felt. He said he understood and that somewhat put me at ease but I was still uncomfortable. I didn't really know what to do with myself when we got to his apartment. I obviously felt welcome there but it still didn't feel right. I just climbed into bed and fell asleep with Andréa kissing my back.
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