Andréa and I headed to Beauregard Friday evening for Krystle and Sebastien's dinner party. Everyone was eating and having a good time. Post-dinner, I saw that Sebastien and Andréa were talking. I couldn't hear anything that they were saying but they were being secretive nonetheless. Everytime I looked at them they stopped their conversation so I figured I'd give them their bromance time and mingle with my other friends. About the second time that I glanced over, Sebastien said to me "What??? Can we have a private boys' conversation or not???" He said it jokingly, but even if he hadn't, I wouldn't have been offended. I just kind of winked at them both and walked off to meet the new person in our group.
Andréa and Sebastien were attached at the hip the entire night. I didn't mind at all because I knew that they were the only French speakers and that they had connected. I decided to let them bond and they seemed happy to do so. After awhile though, they both started acting awkward. When Sebastien got up, I went and sat down next to Andréa but he really didn't say anything to me, or touch me, so everytime one of my friends would sit down beside me, I would put my focus on them. I'm not the type of person to just sit quiet in a corner so if someone wants to socialize with me, I'm obviously going to return the interest.
Everyone started leaving at a certain point and it ended up just being me, Krystle, Dana, Sebastien, and Andréa. Andréa had said nothing to me practically the entire night and I decided I wasn't done partying so the girls and I decided to go to a bar. He started sulking when Sebastien told him about our plans. It annoyed me so much on top of him practically ignoring me the whole night that I said while thinking out loud--"God, this really makes me not want to be in a relationship..." And that totally flips a switch in Andréa. He gathers all of his things and says that he's leaving.
I finally decide to say something so I get up and pull him into the bathroom to see what was up with his behavior the whole night. We basically yell at each other in Franglais--half the time in french and half the time in english. He really doesn't explain much but is going off on me for making the comment about not wanting to be in a relationship. This was a side of him I had never seen before--and one that I really didn't like, so all I did was pretend I agreed with everything he was saying while nodding and saying "Uh huh, Mm hm." This pissed him off so much that he walked out of the apartment. I decided that I could somewhat try to listen since he wasn't yelling within earshot of my friends anymore so I followed him out.
Andréa told me that what I said was wrong after all he's done for me and that I'm mean and walked off. I sat outside for awhile trying to process everything that had happened. Trying to see where things started to go wrong and such. The winter weather was blistering and I knew he hadn't left yet so I went to his car. He was curled up in the driver's seat covering his face with his hand. I got in and told him to take me home. He told me to give him five minutes and I said "No. Now."
We sat in silence for awhile before he started demanding answers en route. None of my replies were satisfactory though so he started getting more and more mad. He claimed that I was the one that ignored him the whole night. He said that he didn't want to bother me when I was talking to my friends and that he was embarrassed his english wasn't good enough. Those were little league answers to me. By the time we got to my house I had decided I'd had enough. I was also drunk so my patience was low. I was tired of him yelling at me and I was tired of him turning the entire night around on me so I told him that I was done. So he said "Tu as fini???" "Yes" "Tu ne m'aime pas???" "No" and I got out of the car, opened the gate and walked through it, with no intention of ever seeing him again. That's how I get when I'm mad and I can't see beyond the dispute. It's probably a reason why I've dumped so many guys. But he made the mistake of arguing with me when I was drunk and he didn't approach the subject lightly. It was an immediate change of color and much too abrupt for me.
When I got to the balcony where the living room door was located I tried my keys and they didn't work. Maman must have left the keys in on the other side of the door because she didn't think I was coming back. The presence of keys on the other side of the lock make it null. I walked back down the stairs to the front door to try my other keys and to my surprise, Andréa's car was still there with the headlights still on. I decided to see what was holding him up. Remember, I'm still mad at this time. I open the door and he's bawling uncontrollably. F...M...L...Wrong moment for me to walk in because I care when he cries, even when I'm pissed off.
All of a sudden I was a caring girlfriend again. I told him to stop, tried to calm him down, rubbed his shoulders and said "Let's go." He said "Where?" and I said "I don't care. Let's just talk." He pulled the car out and we started talking about what really happened tonight. We still ended up not getting anywhere though, except I was getting pissed off again. When we got past the fact that none of our resulting emotions were directly caused by the other person Andréa asked if we were really broken up. I said "Yeah. I'm way too old to be dealing with stupid things like this" so he turned the car around to take me home. When he got to my house he said "But your keys don't work. I'll take you back tomorrow morning." I just shrugged my shoulders and passed out.
I woke up in his bed the next morning to him kissing the back of my neck, trying to undo whatever was done. I was cold and unmoved. I was drunk last night but I always remember everything. The only difference between drunk Melinda and sober Melinda is the manner in which I hold my tongue. I was upset with the way he conducted himself, getting so bent-out-of-shape in front of my friends and yelling. I thought I had made a mistake in choosing him--that's what I was thinking the entire time he was trying to cuddle with me. Andréa said that I was being really distant. It's true, I was. He tried kissing me on the lips and I felt nothing. All I said to him was "Pas pareil" (Not the same). He just closed his eyes in pain and started talking about how he needed another chance. But honestly, it wasn't just me that had to give him another chance, it was required the other way around too. I decided to tell him no but I was being stubborn. I wasn't allowing myself to feel. It's really easy for me to control my emotions like that. I can be mad if I allow myself to be mad and I can let someone back in if I decide they merit it. When he asked "Why?" I said "Because I don't want to" and that's when he started crying again. Damn it...Those tears always melt my hard exterior. I started to listen to him. When he tried to pull me closer, I let him. When he kissed me, I allowed myself to feel it. All of a sudden, I remembered how much I loved him. I finally started listening but I was able to get him to fully listen to me too. It's easier to make someone understand you when you're not being a bitch.
We spent the rest of the weekend inseparable except for one of his photoshoots. I know that this is the guy for me. If I can get over myself and say that I'm sorry, well, you know it's meant to be. Because Andréa said it right...A relationship isn't perfect. You fight sometimes. But you learn more about each other in the process. You have to talk. And you have to want to work for it. He's the one person that makes me want to put in the effort...
Andréa and Sebastien were attached at the hip the entire night. I didn't mind at all because I knew that they were the only French speakers and that they had connected. I decided to let them bond and they seemed happy to do so. After awhile though, they both started acting awkward. When Sebastien got up, I went and sat down next to Andréa but he really didn't say anything to me, or touch me, so everytime one of my friends would sit down beside me, I would put my focus on them. I'm not the type of person to just sit quiet in a corner so if someone wants to socialize with me, I'm obviously going to return the interest.
Everyone started leaving at a certain point and it ended up just being me, Krystle, Dana, Sebastien, and Andréa. Andréa had said nothing to me practically the entire night and I decided I wasn't done partying so the girls and I decided to go to a bar. He started sulking when Sebastien told him about our plans. It annoyed me so much on top of him practically ignoring me the whole night that I said while thinking out loud--"God, this really makes me not want to be in a relationship..." And that totally flips a switch in Andréa. He gathers all of his things and says that he's leaving.
I finally decide to say something so I get up and pull him into the bathroom to see what was up with his behavior the whole night. We basically yell at each other in Franglais--half the time in french and half the time in english. He really doesn't explain much but is going off on me for making the comment about not wanting to be in a relationship. This was a side of him I had never seen before--and one that I really didn't like, so all I did was pretend I agreed with everything he was saying while nodding and saying "Uh huh, Mm hm." This pissed him off so much that he walked out of the apartment. I decided that I could somewhat try to listen since he wasn't yelling within earshot of my friends anymore so I followed him out.
Andréa told me that what I said was wrong after all he's done for me and that I'm mean and walked off. I sat outside for awhile trying to process everything that had happened. Trying to see where things started to go wrong and such. The winter weather was blistering and I knew he hadn't left yet so I went to his car. He was curled up in the driver's seat covering his face with his hand. I got in and told him to take me home. He told me to give him five minutes and I said "No. Now."
We sat in silence for awhile before he started demanding answers en route. None of my replies were satisfactory though so he started getting more and more mad. He claimed that I was the one that ignored him the whole night. He said that he didn't want to bother me when I was talking to my friends and that he was embarrassed his english wasn't good enough. Those were little league answers to me. By the time we got to my house I had decided I'd had enough. I was also drunk so my patience was low. I was tired of him yelling at me and I was tired of him turning the entire night around on me so I told him that I was done. So he said "Tu as fini???" "Yes" "Tu ne m'aime pas???" "No" and I got out of the car, opened the gate and walked through it, with no intention of ever seeing him again. That's how I get when I'm mad and I can't see beyond the dispute. It's probably a reason why I've dumped so many guys. But he made the mistake of arguing with me when I was drunk and he didn't approach the subject lightly. It was an immediate change of color and much too abrupt for me.
When I got to the balcony where the living room door was located I tried my keys and they didn't work. Maman must have left the keys in on the other side of the door because she didn't think I was coming back. The presence of keys on the other side of the lock make it null. I walked back down the stairs to the front door to try my other keys and to my surprise, Andréa's car was still there with the headlights still on. I decided to see what was holding him up. Remember, I'm still mad at this time. I open the door and he's bawling uncontrollably. F...M...L...Wrong moment for me to walk in because I care when he cries, even when I'm pissed off.
All of a sudden I was a caring girlfriend again. I told him to stop, tried to calm him down, rubbed his shoulders and said "Let's go." He said "Where?" and I said "I don't care. Let's just talk." He pulled the car out and we started talking about what really happened tonight. We still ended up not getting anywhere though, except I was getting pissed off again. When we got past the fact that none of our resulting emotions were directly caused by the other person Andréa asked if we were really broken up. I said "Yeah. I'm way too old to be dealing with stupid things like this" so he turned the car around to take me home. When he got to my house he said "But your keys don't work. I'll take you back tomorrow morning." I just shrugged my shoulders and passed out.
I woke up in his bed the next morning to him kissing the back of my neck, trying to undo whatever was done. I was cold and unmoved. I was drunk last night but I always remember everything. The only difference between drunk Melinda and sober Melinda is the manner in which I hold my tongue. I was upset with the way he conducted himself, getting so bent-out-of-shape in front of my friends and yelling. I thought I had made a mistake in choosing him--that's what I was thinking the entire time he was trying to cuddle with me. Andréa said that I was being really distant. It's true, I was. He tried kissing me on the lips and I felt nothing. All I said to him was "Pas pareil" (Not the same). He just closed his eyes in pain and started talking about how he needed another chance. But honestly, it wasn't just me that had to give him another chance, it was required the other way around too. I decided to tell him no but I was being stubborn. I wasn't allowing myself to feel. It's really easy for me to control my emotions like that. I can be mad if I allow myself to be mad and I can let someone back in if I decide they merit it. When he asked "Why?" I said "Because I don't want to" and that's when he started crying again. Damn it...Those tears always melt my hard exterior. I started to listen to him. When he tried to pull me closer, I let him. When he kissed me, I allowed myself to feel it. All of a sudden, I remembered how much I loved him. I finally started listening but I was able to get him to fully listen to me too. It's easier to make someone understand you when you're not being a bitch.
We spent the rest of the weekend inseparable except for one of his photoshoots. I know that this is the guy for me. If I can get over myself and say that I'm sorry, well, you know it's meant to be. Because Andréa said it right...A relationship isn't perfect. You fight sometimes. But you learn more about each other in the process. You have to talk. And you have to want to work for it. He's the one person that makes me want to put in the effort...
I agree 100% with what Andrea (don't know how to do the accent over the e, ha!) said about relationships not being perfect and that you fight sometimes. You already know all the drama and fights me and Vince went through when we all lived together. And how many times we "broke up" in the heat of an argument, only to realize how much we loved each other. Its hard, but sometimes you just have to bite your tongue and keep your mouth shut and instead of yelling about things, actually talk them through... civilly (which was our problem before.) I always wanted to be the one who was right (and always thought I was, regardless if that was the truth or not.) Then I realized it's not about who's right and who's wrong. And I realized I didn't always need to be right (even though I STILL think I am 99.99999% of the time.)
ReplyDeleteYou will find that middle group with you and Andrea. You're still new in your relationship and it takes time to get there, but you will get there. Just keep pushing forward and remember why you choose him to begin with. It's worth it, fights and all!
Good luck Melly Belly!