Mercredi, 3 Juillet 2013: PART I: Eyes Open

I was still feeling down last night after dinner so I took a sleeping pill in case it would be another difficult night. Breakups are always difficult, whether you wanted them or not. Luckily, Andréa took back all of the things he had given me so I have no reminders of him around. Thank the Lord! He, on the other hand, has an apartment full of reminders of me. I did have a lot of trouble sleeping last night though. Even with the sedatives in my system. Last night was probably the most difficult night since the breakup because I came to the realization that Andréa and I will never be together again. Once I leave France, there will be no reason for me to move back. He was the reason why I set myself the 2 year goal. I was going to spend 2 years working in America with him by my side and then move back to France and start a family with him here. Now that we're not together, I have no interest in coming back. There are other parts of the world that I want to explore for extended periods of time.

Even with all of the trouble sleeping and the usual heartache that accompanied it, I surprisingly woke up feeling extremely perky this morning. I didn't feel an ounce of sadness. I felt relief! My mind was filled with extreme clarity! I DON'T NEED ANDRÉA!!! The events over the weekend were really a blessing in disguise. I do NOT need a man like that in my life! This one certain line kept rolling over and over in my head as I was sleeping last night, so much that I remembered it when I woke up. "Love is patient, love is kind." After thinking about it for awhile, I remembered where I had seen it and immediately pulled out a Bible. 

Love is patient, love is kind. 

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, 

it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

I can't believe that I was so upset about the breakup. I feel so stupid that I was holding on so tightly to this relationship when it's not what I wanted in the first place. Yes, there are a lot of things that would make Andréa the perfect husband, except for his inability to manage his emotions. It's a deal breaker in any situation. I warned him that he could lose me over that. No one wants calamity in their life. What I needed to realize was that love doesn't hurt, loving the wrong person does. 

Though I'm still exalting in this new revelation, I know that there will still be difficult moments throughout the week. The thing about me though, is that after the first week following a breakup, I'm fine. Unless they contact me, I'm able to completely forget about them. I just need to keep in mind that I only have 5 days left until my mind is completely free from this turmoil. I just need to keep busy until then. Good thing I have the Tour de France passing through my city tomorrow!!!