With the steps I had taken on Monday, my relationship with Andréa was on its way to changing--for the better. We still hadn't seen each other since the day my host parents stepped in, so I was scared today when he asked me to come to Marseille to see him. He had wanted to wait for Didier's permission before he saw me in person. Didier had previously told him to stay away. We waited a few days until he was back from his business trip to ask in person. Neither of us wanted to ask via text or phone call. I explained the situation to my host dad and how our conversation about emotions and opening up has resulted in me doing just that. Didier was ecstatic that I was no longer hiding my true feelings and of course gave Andréa and I permission to see each other even though he said we didn't need to ask him.
I went to Marseille after lunch today. I parked the car outside of Andréa's apartment complex, fiddled with my belongings, and just sat there for 10 minutes. I wasn't ready yet. As much as I love Andréa, I hadn't seen him in over 2 weeks and I was nervous. I wasn't afraid that anything was going to go wrong. I was just nerve-wracked. I finally got out of my car and walked up to his apartment complex, slowly. I waited outside for a bit but then I finally hit the button by his name. When he buzzed me in, I held the door open and just waited for awhile. Andréa buzzed me in a second time, probably because I hadn't walked through his door yet. When he opened his door to come out and find me, I was planted against the wall at the bottom of the steps. I was so nervous! I walked into his apartment without stopping as he walked out to find me. I went straight to the couch, sat down, and put a pillow over my head. I was just so overwhelmed with emotion and I didn't want to show it. I guess Andréa was feeling the same way because he just stood in the doorway for awhile.
Andréa came and sat down beside me on the couch after awhile. We didn't say anything to each other. I tried to relax but listening to the way he was breathing didn't help. I don't know if he was crying or if he was just taking really deep breaths. Either way, I didn't relax. About an hour later, we finally made eye contact. It was weird...I averted my eyes a few times because I was just uncomfortable. It wasn't like we were strangers. It kind of just felt like we were both embarrassed for what had happened between us. Once we got comfortable, we just stared at each other for a long, long time. The talking never really happened. We kind of just fed off of each others' presence and took advantage of our time together. I think that was the longest hug I've ever had my whole life...
I went to Marseille after lunch today. I parked the car outside of Andréa's apartment complex, fiddled with my belongings, and just sat there for 10 minutes. I wasn't ready yet. As much as I love Andréa, I hadn't seen him in over 2 weeks and I was nervous. I wasn't afraid that anything was going to go wrong. I was just nerve-wracked. I finally got out of my car and walked up to his apartment complex, slowly. I waited outside for a bit but then I finally hit the button by his name. When he buzzed me in, I held the door open and just waited for awhile. Andréa buzzed me in a second time, probably because I hadn't walked through his door yet. When he opened his door to come out and find me, I was planted against the wall at the bottom of the steps. I was so nervous! I walked into his apartment without stopping as he walked out to find me. I went straight to the couch, sat down, and put a pillow over my head. I was just so overwhelmed with emotion and I didn't want to show it. I guess Andréa was feeling the same way because he just stood in the doorway for awhile.
Andréa came and sat down beside me on the couch after awhile. We didn't say anything to each other. I tried to relax but listening to the way he was breathing didn't help. I don't know if he was crying or if he was just taking really deep breaths. Either way, I didn't relax. About an hour later, we finally made eye contact. It was weird...I averted my eyes a few times because I was just uncomfortable. It wasn't like we were strangers. It kind of just felt like we were both embarrassed for what had happened between us. Once we got comfortable, we just stared at each other for a long, long time. The talking never really happened. We kind of just fed off of each others' presence and took advantage of our time together. I think that was the longest hug I've ever had my whole life...
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