I drove to centre ville to go to the market and get some Saint Félicien cheese and lavender honey--which I've been craving. I eventually found Jacob who told me he was by an obelisk--there are a ton of those in Aix. I had an idea of where he might've been though, so I did my shopping really quick and then searched for him. It didn't take me long to find him, I just went to the first obelisk I could think of that would be in a food market. I grabbed Jacob and we were on our way back to the house. I drove past the drive a bit so that he could see St. Victoire. Now I can say that he saw something when he came to visit me...Not that St. Victoire's a big deal. Jacob's by Mt. St. Helens....
I expected to start packing as soon as we got back but it was lunch time. I re-heated leftovers from last night and we all got to enjoy another asian dinner, this time with Jacob. The egg rolls turned out much better today, I heated the frying oil to a lower temperature so the rice paper wasn't so dark or crisp. Gregoire stuffed his face like a champ before we put him down for a nap.
Jacob and I went upstairs to the kids' rooms so that I could box up Camille's room since she'll be gone until after fall break. Jacob was very nice and boxed up all of the things in the hallway closets. Once we finished, we got on my laptop to find something to do. I got fed up with Jacob not doing anything in France so I decided to make him. He decided that he wanted to see a roman bridge close to Aix called Roquefavour. I'd already seen it and though it was a nice sunny day with clear blue skies, there was also a cold, crisp wind so I didn't want to go. Though I was completely unenthusiastic about the bridge I asked Didier how to get to it anyway. He let Jacob and I know that it was closed to the public and that you can only drive under it now. Even though I was excited about not having to walk 4 km in the cold I was also disappointed because I would have to find something else for Jacob and I to do.
I started talking about wine tastings and Didier suggested we go to his wine shop Cave D'Aix on Rue de la Molle since all of the vineyards/wineries were closed for the day. It took a bit longer for us to leave because I booked my ticket to Morocco with the girls. YESSS!!!! Can't wait!!!
We followed Didier's directions downtown and I guess we went too far because it was literally a block from where we parked. It took us at least 30 mins to find it...We had already walked all over downtown by the time we found it so I was super grumpy. I also hate being late--not that we had an appointment or anything, but most of the shops close early on Saturdays unless they're on the Cours Mirabeau. I didn't want the store to stay open just because they had been told to wait for us. I had a flash of anger and snapped at Jacob for talking to me. I felt bad but it was probably the best thing that happened to us because with his mind in focus and him on point, he got us there.
We finally made it to Cave D'Aix and I threw out my Neanderthal behavior. I spoke to Fabrice, the other shop owner, about being Didier's au pair and he lit up--probably because he was happy we finally got there. I accidentally called him the wrong name though. Oops! Ha haha. After he helped some customers, he let Jacob and I taste about 6 wines. 4 red and 2 white--all from the Bordeaux region. I gave Jacob a quick lesson on wine tasting--all of those years working at Bravo being put to good use. Though I didn't tell him enough to truly understand the art of wine, he seemed to get the broad idea and seemed like he enjoyed himself. I ended up buying 3 bottles of wine from Fabrice--a dry white, a sweet white, and a red from Bordeaux.
I said goodbye to Jacob outside of the shop. He replied with "That's it?" He held his arms out for a hug and I moved in. I guess that's the last time I'll see him for awhile considering he's leaving at 5h00. He's going home a day early if that says anything...Agh...I'm a horrible, horrible person.
During the walk back to my car two Mormon missionaries stopped me. Here's how the conversation went.
ELDERS: "Hi! How are you doing tonight?"
ME: "Good"
ELDERS: "Good! Could we take a moment of your time to talk about the Book of Mormon?"
ME: "Oh, I already know about it. I'm an inactive member."
ELDERS: "That's great! So, can we ask why you're no longer involved with the church?"
ME: "Well, the church is great, but I'm the type of person that doesn't feel like she needs to be in a building every week to be a good person. I try to do right by others and I'm satisfied with that. You live your life the way you want to live it and no one is really going to change that unless you decide to."
ELDERS: "You have a point. But being a part of the church is like being a part of a family and every Sunday is kind of just like a reunion."
ME: "Yeah. Okay."
ELDERS: "Can we give you our card?"
ME: "Sure."
ELDERS: "Can we exchange numbers?"
ME: *Chuckle* "No."
ELDERS: "It's because you know we'll call you, right?"
ME: "Yep."
ELDERS: "Well, if you ever feel like getting with some people. We're getting ready to carve some pumpkins this week."
ME: "Thanks. I'll think about it."
ELDERS: "Cool. We also have dances too..."
ME: "Um...Not interested."
ELDERS: "Okay, well, before you were baptized. What did God say when you asked him if the book was true?"
ME: "I can't remember."
ELDERS: "Well, I know with all of my heart that the Book of Mormon is true and that the church is true."
ME: "I believe you. You don't know how many times I've heard that..."
ELDERS: "Ha haha, I bet. Well, will you promise us that you'll pray about the book tonight?"
ME: "I'll consider it. I'm gonna go...this...way...I'm sure I'll see you around. Bye!"
Ha haha. Those guys are funny. They remind me of the missionaries that I became such good friends with when I was 16. The ones that stand out the most are Elder Marble, Elder White, Elder Turner, and Elder Engman. It's not usual for the missionaries to stay in one area for long but those guys were around for awhile so I got to build friendships with them. They changed my life and I am grateful for it. But I don't need a church to live an honest life. God is everywhere.
I tried to take the highway home like Didier taught me the other day. I took the wrong exit and was lost for over an hour. If Jacob had been with me, he would've seen the Roquefavor bridge and a frontal view of St. Victoire. Eh, I guess it just wasn't in the cards. When I finally made it home, Didier and Céline left for the party. I checked my messages and saw that my photoshoot tomorrow is cancelled due to cold weather. I'm relieved. I really just need to veg out for once. I opened a bottle of wine and messaged Jacob. There was a lot I needed to say to him but didn't know how to put it into words until now. I always say I'm an open book, and I am, but sometimes it's difficult to tell someone how you're really feeling if you don't understand what's going on yourself. Before you read the conversation, I already know I am incredibly rude. But I'm the same to all of my friends. If I think it'll help you, I'll tell you bluntly what needs to be done.
Today
8:32pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I'm sorry I was a monster bitch today. I think you visiting was a huge mistake. I just want to tell you that before I write about it
8:34pm
Jacob Schloss
is that why you were so upset?
yes, it was a mistake. we misinterpreted each other. i would not call it a huge mistake.
i still liked seeing aix, and getting to sleep for a change
and i liked hanging out with you
i'm sorry if i was poor company the last few days.
i was depressed, and i get distant when that happens
8:41pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I was just irritated because it's Saturday and it's normally my chill day. I knew I had to do some packing but that really doesn't take any effort especially when you don't have someone hovering. I don't know if you really were or not. But I just feel like you're someone that has no real direction or sense or what you want to do, so that kind of annoyed me too. I also felt like I was obligated to hang out with you because you wouldn't actually do anything otherwise. I feel like you're not the type of person to go off on your own like I am. And yeah, you walked around by yourself, but I go to foreign countries and cities by myself without a second thought. I assumed you'd be more adventurous here but you weren't so I feel like you wasted your time, and with that, I kind of felt like you wasted my time. I'm sorry. I know I sound like a snob, but I don't know what someone would do in a foreign country if they weren't going to do touristey things. I know you said you wanted down time and I completely understand that but I think you had more than enough of that and I feel like you were just saying that. I expected you to go to Paris or Marseille or some ruins and come back and tell me how awesome it was
8:43pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I feel so fucking awful right now. But I have to be honest with you. And I wish I would've told you to your face but I didn't know how you would handle it and I was scared. My thoughts also weren't organized and I didn't know what to say earlier
8:43pm
Jacob Schloss
you still can say it to my face if youd rather
8:44pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I'm sorry if I led you on. It was definitely not my intention. I thought we were just friends, but that was stupid. I'm an idiot.
8:46pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
No. I don't want to go back to Aix. Traffic is a bitch and I was lost for over an hour after I left you. I accidentally found the entrance to the roman bridge though, and a head-on view of Saint Victoire. I just wish there was more planning involved in the whole sightseeing thing. And I really, honest to God, wish you would have gone out more
8:58pm
Jacob Schloss
i did interpret things different then you. i thought you were moving to pdx because you wanted to date me. otherwise idk why you would pick pdx over seattle or some other city. i mean... i don't know. some of the things you said i thought you were more serious about. we were friends, i though we had some interest in each other. i don't want you to take my lack of desire to sightsee personally. the weather was shitty yesterday otherwise i would have gone to Marseilles. we did have plans to go to nimes on thursday that fell through, i kinda screwed that up. i didn't want you to feel obligated to hang out with me... i thought you would want to.
8:59pm
Jacob Schloss
im just different... touring around by myself has little apeal
i didnt expect to see you all the time either
i knew you had stuff to do
touring around in general isn't that intresting to me... i guess im jaded
9:02pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I don't understand how you could be jaded if you've never been here before
9:02pm
Jacob Schloss
more of travel constantly under high stress = travel is not fun
9:02pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
And I didn't want to move to Portland for you. I told you I had never lived on the west coast and that I just wanted to try it out. If I wanted to move there to be with you I would have said it
9:02pm
Jacob Schloss
ok
9:04pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
And, I told you I've always wanted to live in Portland. It just had more appeal when I found out more of my friends were out there
9:05pm
Jacob Schloss
ah. i don't remember that. i just remember you saying you wanted to live on the west coast
9:06pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
And I was looking forward to hanging out with you until I saw how anti-social you were. I mean, we've never been alone before so I guess I couldn't see it coming. But everyone that I introduced you to thought you were awkward, I'm sorry if that's too blunt. You never really had anything to say and when you did, you'd either say something that no one would understand, or you'd talk so fast and not project your voice in that nervous manner that you do so that no one can hear what you're saying
9:07pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
When I came home tonight my host parents told me that they don't understand how we are friends and that they were uncomfortable around you but didn't want to tell me.
9:07pm
Jacob Schloss
yeah... i thought they were
9:07pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
You honestly need to find a balance between your intelligence and social skills
I mean, it never really bothered me to not know what you were talking about, but I would always try because you're my friend. But you need to realize that most people are looking for casual conversation and a little bit of a connection. That's not asking much
9:10pm
Jacob Schloss
yes, i am pretty bad at small talk. i am trying, and used to be worse if you can imagine...
as in, talk to someone for 15s then stand awkwardly while my roommate is still talking to other person
i have issues connecting to people
9:11pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
Well Jacob, I don't understand why you would try to establish a relationship with someone knowing that
9:12pm
Jacob Schloss
because i am trying : P
and i felt some connection to you
not trying isnt going to make it any better
most of my freinds are not into small talk
its discussions of robotics and computers. logic jokes, stuff in the news
ppl talk to me when they want me to teach them statistics, not to catch up generally
9:17pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
Okay, but not everyone knows about engineering and physics. You need to tailor your conversation to the person you're talking to
You really can't use that as an excuse knowing that everyone is different. That's what irritates me
9:19pm
Jacob Schloss
i know... i default to setting my filter too high until i know people. it takes me a long time to get to know them
not saying that is good, just it is what happens.
that is part of why i wanted to be your friend. push me way outside my normal social circle
9:22pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
You need to do that on your own. Sure, I would introduce you to more people and maybe be somewhat of an example of how you should act around strangers, but you really need to mentally re-wire your brain to be able to go outside of your comfort zone
It's no good hanging out with an extrovert if you don't genuinely try to adapt to that personality type. It just makes you and everyone around you extremely uncomfortable
You've been here for a week and I haven't seen you act any differently. I'm not helping
9:25pm
Jacob Schloss
yeah, i can see how that would happen. they think im being depressed and sullen in the corner, when really that is just me being shy.
9:25pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I understand that things take time, but you're on a time crunch
9:26pm
Jacob Schloss
why time crunch?
9:26pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
You're only here for a week
I would think that'd be motivation to speed up the socialization
9:30pm
Jacob Schloss
maybe. i'm not wanting to turn into an extrovert to impress you... just want to be able to talk to more people, have casual friends. not be mr crazy all the time
i dont even want to be an extrovert. just more sociable.
so im trying. and it sometimes is better sometimes is worse. this week was worse because i was depressed and our friendship was strained, so it was harder for me to be outgoing.
9:32pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
Good luck with that
9:32pm
Jacob Schloss
haha
9:36pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
Welll, is there anything you want to tell me? If you call me a bitch, I won't be hurt, I know I was
9:38pm
Jacob Schloss
i didn't intend for the "i only talk about engineering stuff" thing to be a jibe at you, or some manlihood redeeming thing
i don't think you are a bitch
a bitch would have just said fuck you and stopped talking to me
9:42pm
Jacob Schloss
you said we hadn't hung out much just us, which is true. that is really why I came. I wanted to just hang out since we never got a chance to, to talk a bunch and get to know each other. I was always working in VA so we could never just go get coffee and talk, or sit and watch tv or whatever. I wanted to do that.
9:43pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I would've been more apt to hang out with you on a one on one basis but everytime we were alone you said something I didn't want to hear or I didn't know what the fuck you were talking about
After the first few times, I just didn't want to. I realized within the first two days that we really don't have anything in common. That's why whenever I was with you, I always brought other people too
9:44pm
Jacob Schloss
yeah i noticed that
9:45pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I like being with my friends, but I can also be a loner too. When I realized that you and I would basically be sitting in silence or I would be ignoring your 'jibberish', I started backng up
9:47pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
It was just a lot easier for me to digest when my friends would be the ones asking you questions to try to engage you. That still didn't really work out though. Even when we went out to dinner or a bar, you'd sit there without saying a word. And I get that you don't know what's really happening in Aix, but you could have related to anything that we were talking about. But you really can't, because you haven't experienced any of the stuff we were talking about, and I mean, Jacob, this is general stuff...
9:48pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
It's stuff that can happen anywhere in the world to anyone
9:54pm
Jacob Schloss
i hadn't experienced it... idk. i mean, one of the conversations was which close friends do you know of dying... wasnt really sure how to approach that one.
i wasn't totally silent. i always tried to reenter the conversation when it wan't local stuff
9:55pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
They weren't close friends. They were just people we were acquainted with. You need to learn to listen Jacob. If you had had someone you know die, you should have interjected with "Oh, blah blah blah, I had a friend die in the 7th grade. It was horrible" Anything
People just need to know you're listening. Or that you're interested in what is being discussed
You didn't make eye contact with anyone and you mostly kept your head down. I'm telling you as a friend, you need to work on that
People are always happy to have other people around as long as they're being interactive. And I don't mean obnoxiously joining the conversation at any moment. I mean, making a sincere comment
9:58pm
Jacob Schloss
i agree i need to work on this. basically if i dont have anything to add i get distant... im still listening and processing what is said but i guess i look like im not
10:01pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
Okay. A conversation is more than spoken words. It's your facial expressions, the movement of your eyes, your body language with the people around you
I just don't understand how you've been on this earth for 23 years in civilization and you don't know how to do this. It's reflex
10:02pm
Jacob Schloss
i do know how to read body language. i just dont give off the correct kind to other people.
10:02pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I wasn't talking about reading it. I was talking about your body language
10:03pm
Jacob Schloss
yes. 2nd sentence
i don't think about it usually
10:03pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
Reflex...
10:03pm
Jacob Schloss
not to me
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