10h00 came and I woke up naturally. I brushed my teeth and went out to the kitchen to make my usual latté. I decided I would have a semi-healthy breakfast this morning and had 2 eggs with no bread and a banana. My host dad seems to think that my eating habits will make me severely overweight. Little does he know that my parents are 5'0, 5'2 and 115lbs, 130lbs respectively. We're all skinny--I think it's just in our genes. Plus, I think it's because I eat all the time that I'm so small. My metabolism is continuously working. I hope Didier doesn't worry too much though. I'm just going to keep my eating habits and he'll see in a few months that my physique will be unchanged. I might have to run a bit with all of this bread and cheese though! Bread is not normally in my diet.
After Didier left for some errands in town I started to box up the kitchen. I packed up everything except the food, 4 plates, 4 bowls, 3 wine glasses, 4 water glasses, and 4 knives/forks/and spoons just as Céline had asked. I also left out a pan and one pot so we could cook what was left in the pantry and fridge. The packing took me about 4 hours and by the time Didier had gotten home, I was finished. Céline and Didier are so occupied with work that this is the least I can do to help them. And like I said before, the triplets are with their dad this week so it's not like I have to do real 'au pair' work.
For lunch, I made myself a packet of Velouté de Crésson--Watercress soup. It was actually very good, but I grew up on watercress. Around 17h00 I finally took a shower. While getting ready I put in my amber Halloween contacts to see if anyone would say anything but Didier himself didn't notice. I went to get gas before I had to pick Gregoire up from the creche. Good thing I left super early because it took me about an hour to get to the gas station. Traffic was horrible and I did not foresee this especially since school is out for two weeks. I went to the creche to pick up Gregoire--he immediately pointed to my eyes. Ha haha. Kids are so observant.
I immediately started working on dinner when I got home. It was Didier's suggestion but I was more than happy to oblige. We normally eat around 20h00 or 21h00 but since we had daylight savings yesterday it got dark much sooner today and that's usually an appropriate time to start prep work. Since we're trying to get rid of all of the food we have, I mixed 4 different types of rice and cooked it in a pork stock from the previous day. I also fried some chicken in a lemon/butter/herbs de provence sauce and heated some canned ratatouille. It was a really good dinner or so we thought. Gregoire absolutely hated it because he could see the vegetables. He cried and threw a tantrum and the parents gave him the option of eating the food or going to bed. After saying he would eat it for the 3rd time and not doing so, Didier took him to his bedroom and left him there. He bawled his eyes out and came back to the kitchen and started eating. Slowly, but surely. I'm so happy to see that Céline and Didier still discipline him and don't spoil him even though he's the youngest. It makes me think of my little sister who really got the entire world handed to her on a silver platter. If any of you know her or if I've told you about her, then you know that this didn't turn out well. I'm not speaking to her or my mother at this point and I don't think I will ever speak to them again. I don't want to or feel that I need to at least. It's a long story...
With Frankenstorm approaching, I decided I would call my brother and dad--2 people I still care the most about in this world. My dad had already left for work but my brother picked up his phone. He assured me that everyone is crazy and that Hurricane Sandy is being over-hyped. He kept talking about how people are wasting time and money by cancelling work and missing a day's worth of production. Lol. That's the work ethic we were raised on. I'm so proud of Rambo. I hope I can fly him here for a vacation before I leave. He works way too much. For a 23 year old in charge of quality assurance at a huge company like Cargill, he's way too serious about work. But, it's paid off for him. He supervises people that are more than twice his age so he's doing pretty well for himself. Ahem, except he still lives at home (with his 28 year old girlfriend) and has never left. Lol. It's a cultural thing though, like Italians who also keep most of their kids (usually males) through the age of 30. Whatever floats his boat.
Even though it's only 22h00, I'm going to go to bed. I've downloaded the first 3 episodes of season 3 of the Walking Dead and I'm going to catch up on them before I pass out. I've got to be up at 8h00 to direct the movers while Céline and Didier are at work.
À Bientôt!
Monday, October 29, 2012
Dimanche, 28 Octobre 2012: Happy Birthday Molly!!!
Sunday started like it always would by waking up late. I didn't have mimosas this Sunday however. I completely forgot! I had lunch with my family which consisted of slowly cooked pork with vegetables in a broth. It reminded me of an italian style pork with au jus and giardinera. I quickly ate lunch and went to town.
I was meeting a model that afternoon, Brian Hernandez. He's another amateur model in the area and we were meeting so that he could catch me up on what's going on at each photoshoot instead of having me translate everything. Our Halloween shoot was cancelled today so we were able to get together. We met at the Lounge on the Cours Mirabeau and just talked. He caught me up on all of the photographers and models as well as what the themes will be. He showed me a few portfolios and I have picked out some photographers that do more glamour work--which I like. Hopefully they'll ask to work with me! Brian and I weren't together for long before we parted ways. I'm so thankful to have another model there that speaks english, otherwise, my french should get pretty good huh? ;-)
I went to the car to get a bottle of rum that my host dad had given me earlier that day. Didier gave me an entire box of liquor. He wants to get rid of it because they only drink it when his older 3 children come to visit. I'll probably just keep it in the car so I can drink with his kids :-) I brought the rum to the Augustins apartment and gave it to Molly. As you have probably already guessed it's her birthday today!!! She's only turning 21, soo young! But I love her and she's mature beyond her years--I'm not sure what that makes me...Ancient probably, ha haha.
We hung out for a few minutes before I had to head back home. When I got back Céline was packing so I decided to jump in and help. I mean, what else am I going to do to earn my money without the triplets here? Gregoire's not much work so I should help pack and I'm happy to do it. It's so easy and I'm so organized, it takes me no effort at all. Céline, Didier, and I each packed a different part of the house for several hours. We did good work because 3 hours later the cabinets and drawers in all the rooms beside the kitchen were empty.
Around 19h00 I headed back to the Augustins apartment to meet the girls for dinner. I brought Molly another bottle of liquor that Didier had given me, though we have no clue what it is. It's 90 proof, clear, and absolutely disgusting. I assume it must be some type of vodka. We each had a couple of shots of this mysterious liquor before heading out to dinner.
We walked around for a few minutes before deciding to go to La Claveche--one of my favorite restaurants. Three of the girls got the Tagliatelles Carbonera that I had ordered the first time while me, Kami, and Jen ordered the Tagliatelles aux Fruits de la Mer, Penne au 4 Fromages, and Gnocchi au Parmesan. Dinner was delicious as always and very pleasant although our waitress looked like a skank. Maybe that's just me being a hater because she didn't give me a box like the other servers had at prior visits, but...your belly shouldn't be showing and you shouldn't be chewing gum while you're serving.
Jen and Lauren recounted the previous night during dinner. Apparently, Lauren's gay roommate and some of Gaultier's friends we had met at the french party were beaten up outside of a gay bar for supposedly being homophobes. It sounds like the bouncer was just on edge, or on drugs and blew the entire situation out of proportion. So much so that one of Gaultier's friends ended up in the hospital with a broken arm. I don't know how you can tell a gay guy he's a homophobe and then beat the shit out of him for shit that you made up in your head. I wish I would've been there because I would've jumped in. Believe me, my brother and I beat the $#!^ out of each other growing up and my dad made sure I knew how to fight before I left for college so no one would #^(% with me. Luckily, the guys here don't know how scrappy I am so they wouldn't know what was going down. I don't care how big or tough you think you are, I knocked the wind out of a 250lb dude and that wasn't because I'm strong. It's because I know what I'm doing. People are dumb though. Hopefully no one in my circle gets into a situation like that again. All I know is that we're never going back to Chado.
Even though the girls went back to Augustins for a movie, I didn't feel like staying out so I went home. I was still hungry when I got back tonight so I had some flan and fruit. Jeez, I'm such a mental fatty but I can't help it. If I'm hungry, I eat. If I'm not hungry, I don't. It's that easy. I had to explain to my host parents that I eat every hour and if I don't do that then I feel sick. They ended up buying me a ton of groceries even though we're moving out of the house in a few weeks. It's so nice of them but they really didn't have to. I would've gotten my own or eaten in town with my friends. I guess in France though, au pairs are considered a member of the family and I feel as such! C'est la vie! Et, la vie est belle!!!
I was meeting a model that afternoon, Brian Hernandez. He's another amateur model in the area and we were meeting so that he could catch me up on what's going on at each photoshoot instead of having me translate everything. Our Halloween shoot was cancelled today so we were able to get together. We met at the Lounge on the Cours Mirabeau and just talked. He caught me up on all of the photographers and models as well as what the themes will be. He showed me a few portfolios and I have picked out some photographers that do more glamour work--which I like. Hopefully they'll ask to work with me! Brian and I weren't together for long before we parted ways. I'm so thankful to have another model there that speaks english, otherwise, my french should get pretty good huh? ;-)
I went to the car to get a bottle of rum that my host dad had given me earlier that day. Didier gave me an entire box of liquor. He wants to get rid of it because they only drink it when his older 3 children come to visit. I'll probably just keep it in the car so I can drink with his kids :-) I brought the rum to the Augustins apartment and gave it to Molly. As you have probably already guessed it's her birthday today!!! She's only turning 21, soo young! But I love her and she's mature beyond her years--I'm not sure what that makes me...Ancient probably, ha haha.
We hung out for a few minutes before I had to head back home. When I got back Céline was packing so I decided to jump in and help. I mean, what else am I going to do to earn my money without the triplets here? Gregoire's not much work so I should help pack and I'm happy to do it. It's so easy and I'm so organized, it takes me no effort at all. Céline, Didier, and I each packed a different part of the house for several hours. We did good work because 3 hours later the cabinets and drawers in all the rooms beside the kitchen were empty.
Around 19h00 I headed back to the Augustins apartment to meet the girls for dinner. I brought Molly another bottle of liquor that Didier had given me, though we have no clue what it is. It's 90 proof, clear, and absolutely disgusting. I assume it must be some type of vodka. We each had a couple of shots of this mysterious liquor before heading out to dinner.
We walked around for a few minutes before deciding to go to La Claveche--one of my favorite restaurants. Three of the girls got the Tagliatelles Carbonera that I had ordered the first time while me, Kami, and Jen ordered the Tagliatelles aux Fruits de la Mer, Penne au 4 Fromages, and Gnocchi au Parmesan. Dinner was delicious as always and very pleasant although our waitress looked like a skank. Maybe that's just me being a hater because she didn't give me a box like the other servers had at prior visits, but...your belly shouldn't be showing and you shouldn't be chewing gum while you're serving.
Jen and Lauren recounted the previous night during dinner. Apparently, Lauren's gay roommate and some of Gaultier's friends we had met at the french party were beaten up outside of a gay bar for supposedly being homophobes. It sounds like the bouncer was just on edge, or on drugs and blew the entire situation out of proportion. So much so that one of Gaultier's friends ended up in the hospital with a broken arm. I don't know how you can tell a gay guy he's a homophobe and then beat the shit out of him for shit that you made up in your head. I wish I would've been there because I would've jumped in. Believe me, my brother and I beat the $#!^ out of each other growing up and my dad made sure I knew how to fight before I left for college so no one would #^(% with me. Luckily, the guys here don't know how scrappy I am so they wouldn't know what was going down. I don't care how big or tough you think you are, I knocked the wind out of a 250lb dude and that wasn't because I'm strong. It's because I know what I'm doing. People are dumb though. Hopefully no one in my circle gets into a situation like that again. All I know is that we're never going back to Chado.
Even though the girls went back to Augustins for a movie, I didn't feel like staying out so I went home. I was still hungry when I got back tonight so I had some flan and fruit. Jeez, I'm such a mental fatty but I can't help it. If I'm hungry, I eat. If I'm not hungry, I don't. It's that easy. I had to explain to my host parents that I eat every hour and if I don't do that then I feel sick. They ended up buying me a ton of groceries even though we're moving out of the house in a few weeks. It's so nice of them but they really didn't have to. I would've gotten my own or eaten in town with my friends. I guess in France though, au pairs are considered a member of the family and I feel as such! C'est la vie! Et, la vie est belle!!!
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Samedi, 27 Octobre 2012: Melinda the Uber-Bitch
I woke up to a text message around 10h00. It was Jacob saying he was up and ready to go. I didn't feel like getting out of bed yet so I put my phone down and closed my eyes. By 10h30 my mind and body were fully awake so I got out of bed. After I got ready for the day, I went to the kitchen for breakfast. Today, my meal consisted only of a café au lait. I've been pigging out like I normally do and since I have a photo shoot tomorrow, I thought I would "fast."
I drove to centre ville to go to the market and get some Saint Félicien cheese and lavender honey--which I've been craving. I eventually found Jacob who told me he was by an obelisk--there are a ton of those in Aix. I had an idea of where he might've been though, so I did my shopping really quick and then searched for him. It didn't take me long to find him, I just went to the first obelisk I could think of that would be in a food market. I grabbed Jacob and we were on our way back to the house. I drove past the drive a bit so that he could see St. Victoire. Now I can say that he saw something when he came to visit me...Not that St. Victoire's a big deal. Jacob's by Mt. St. Helens....
I expected to start packing as soon as we got back but it was lunch time. I re-heated leftovers from last night and we all got to enjoy another asian dinner, this time with Jacob. The egg rolls turned out much better today, I heated the frying oil to a lower temperature so the rice paper wasn't so dark or crisp. Gregoire stuffed his face like a champ before we put him down for a nap.
Jacob and I went upstairs to the kids' rooms so that I could box up Camille's room since she'll be gone until after fall break. Jacob was very nice and boxed up all of the things in the hallway closets. Once we finished, we got on my laptop to find something to do. I got fed up with Jacob not doing anything in France so I decided to make him. He decided that he wanted to see a roman bridge close to Aix called Roquefavour. I'd already seen it and though it was a nice sunny day with clear blue skies, there was also a cold, crisp wind so I didn't want to go. Though I was completely unenthusiastic about the bridge I asked Didier how to get to it anyway. He let Jacob and I know that it was closed to the public and that you can only drive under it now. Even though I was excited about not having to walk 4 km in the cold I was also disappointed because I would have to find something else for Jacob and I to do.
I started talking about wine tastings and Didier suggested we go to his wine shop Cave D'Aix on Rue de la Molle since all of the vineyards/wineries were closed for the day. It took a bit longer for us to leave because I booked my ticket to Morocco with the girls. YESSS!!!! Can't wait!!!
We followed Didier's directions downtown and I guess we went too far because it was literally a block from where we parked. It took us at least 30 mins to find it...We had already walked all over downtown by the time we found it so I was super grumpy. I also hate being late--not that we had an appointment or anything, but most of the shops close early on Saturdays unless they're on the Cours Mirabeau. I didn't want the store to stay open just because they had been told to wait for us. I had a flash of anger and snapped at Jacob for talking to me. I felt bad but it was probably the best thing that happened to us because with his mind in focus and him on point, he got us there.
We finally made it to Cave D'Aix and I threw out my Neanderthal behavior. I spoke to Fabrice, the other shop owner, about being Didier's au pair and he lit up--probably because he was happy we finally got there. I accidentally called him the wrong name though. Oops! Ha haha. After he helped some customers, he let Jacob and I taste about 6 wines. 4 red and 2 white--all from the Bordeaux region. I gave Jacob a quick lesson on wine tasting--all of those years working at Bravo being put to good use. Though I didn't tell him enough to truly understand the art of wine, he seemed to get the broad idea and seemed like he enjoyed himself. I ended up buying 3 bottles of wine from Fabrice--a dry white, a sweet white, and a red from Bordeaux.
I said goodbye to Jacob outside of the shop. He replied with "That's it?" He held his arms out for a hug and I moved in. I guess that's the last time I'll see him for awhile considering he's leaving at 5h00. He's going home a day early if that says anything...Agh...I'm a horrible, horrible person.
During the walk back to my car two Mormon missionaries stopped me. Here's how the conversation went.
ELDERS: "Hi! How are you doing tonight?"
ME: "Good"
ELDERS: "Good! Could we take a moment of your time to talk about the Book of Mormon?"
ME: "Oh, I already know about it. I'm an inactive member."
ELDERS: "That's great! So, can we ask why you're no longer involved with the church?"
ME: "Well, the church is great, but I'm the type of person that doesn't feel like she needs to be in a building every week to be a good person. I try to do right by others and I'm satisfied with that. You live your life the way you want to live it and no one is really going to change that unless you decide to."
ELDERS: "You have a point. But being a part of the church is like being a part of a family and every Sunday is kind of just like a reunion."
ME: "Yeah. Okay."
ELDERS: "Can we give you our card?"
ME: "Sure."
ELDERS: "Can we exchange numbers?"
ME: *Chuckle* "No."
ELDERS: "It's because you know we'll call you, right?"
ME: "Yep."
ELDERS: "Well, if you ever feel like getting with some people. We're getting ready to carve some pumpkins this week."
ME: "Thanks. I'll think about it."
ELDERS: "Cool. We also have dances too..."
ME: "Um...Not interested."
ELDERS: "Okay, well, before you were baptized. What did God say when you asked him if the book was true?"
ME: "I can't remember."
ELDERS: "Well, I know with all of my heart that the Book of Mormon is true and that the church is true."
ME: "I believe you. You don't know how many times I've heard that..."
ELDERS: "Ha haha, I bet. Well, will you promise us that you'll pray about the book tonight?"
ME: "I'll consider it. I'm gonna go...this...way...I'm sure I'll see you around. Bye!"
Ha haha. Those guys are funny. They remind me of the missionaries that I became such good friends with when I was 16. The ones that stand out the most are Elder Marble, Elder White, Elder Turner, and Elder Engman. It's not usual for the missionaries to stay in one area for long but those guys were around for awhile so I got to build friendships with them. They changed my life and I am grateful for it. But I don't need a church to live an honest life. God is everywhere.
I tried to take the highway home like Didier taught me the other day. I took the wrong exit and was lost for over an hour. If Jacob had been with me, he would've seen the Roquefavor bridge and a frontal view of St. Victoire. Eh, I guess it just wasn't in the cards. When I finally made it home, Didier and Céline left for the party. I checked my messages and saw that my photoshoot tomorrow is cancelled due to cold weather. I'm relieved. I really just need to veg out for once. I opened a bottle of wine and messaged Jacob. There was a lot I needed to say to him but didn't know how to put it into words until now. I always say I'm an open book, and I am, but sometimes it's difficult to tell someone how you're really feeling if you don't understand what's going on yourself. Before you read the conversation, I already know I am incredibly rude. But I'm the same to all of my friends. If I think it'll help you, I'll tell you bluntly what needs to be done.
I drove to centre ville to go to the market and get some Saint Félicien cheese and lavender honey--which I've been craving. I eventually found Jacob who told me he was by an obelisk--there are a ton of those in Aix. I had an idea of where he might've been though, so I did my shopping really quick and then searched for him. It didn't take me long to find him, I just went to the first obelisk I could think of that would be in a food market. I grabbed Jacob and we were on our way back to the house. I drove past the drive a bit so that he could see St. Victoire. Now I can say that he saw something when he came to visit me...Not that St. Victoire's a big deal. Jacob's by Mt. St. Helens....
I expected to start packing as soon as we got back but it was lunch time. I re-heated leftovers from last night and we all got to enjoy another asian dinner, this time with Jacob. The egg rolls turned out much better today, I heated the frying oil to a lower temperature so the rice paper wasn't so dark or crisp. Gregoire stuffed his face like a champ before we put him down for a nap.
Jacob and I went upstairs to the kids' rooms so that I could box up Camille's room since she'll be gone until after fall break. Jacob was very nice and boxed up all of the things in the hallway closets. Once we finished, we got on my laptop to find something to do. I got fed up with Jacob not doing anything in France so I decided to make him. He decided that he wanted to see a roman bridge close to Aix called Roquefavour. I'd already seen it and though it was a nice sunny day with clear blue skies, there was also a cold, crisp wind so I didn't want to go. Though I was completely unenthusiastic about the bridge I asked Didier how to get to it anyway. He let Jacob and I know that it was closed to the public and that you can only drive under it now. Even though I was excited about not having to walk 4 km in the cold I was also disappointed because I would have to find something else for Jacob and I to do.
I started talking about wine tastings and Didier suggested we go to his wine shop Cave D'Aix on Rue de la Molle since all of the vineyards/wineries were closed for the day. It took a bit longer for us to leave because I booked my ticket to Morocco with the girls. YESSS!!!! Can't wait!!!
We followed Didier's directions downtown and I guess we went too far because it was literally a block from where we parked. It took us at least 30 mins to find it...We had already walked all over downtown by the time we found it so I was super grumpy. I also hate being late--not that we had an appointment or anything, but most of the shops close early on Saturdays unless they're on the Cours Mirabeau. I didn't want the store to stay open just because they had been told to wait for us. I had a flash of anger and snapped at Jacob for talking to me. I felt bad but it was probably the best thing that happened to us because with his mind in focus and him on point, he got us there.
We finally made it to Cave D'Aix and I threw out my Neanderthal behavior. I spoke to Fabrice, the other shop owner, about being Didier's au pair and he lit up--probably because he was happy we finally got there. I accidentally called him the wrong name though. Oops! Ha haha. After he helped some customers, he let Jacob and I taste about 6 wines. 4 red and 2 white--all from the Bordeaux region. I gave Jacob a quick lesson on wine tasting--all of those years working at Bravo being put to good use. Though I didn't tell him enough to truly understand the art of wine, he seemed to get the broad idea and seemed like he enjoyed himself. I ended up buying 3 bottles of wine from Fabrice--a dry white, a sweet white, and a red from Bordeaux.
I said goodbye to Jacob outside of the shop. He replied with "That's it?" He held his arms out for a hug and I moved in. I guess that's the last time I'll see him for awhile considering he's leaving at 5h00. He's going home a day early if that says anything...Agh...I'm a horrible, horrible person.
During the walk back to my car two Mormon missionaries stopped me. Here's how the conversation went.
ELDERS: "Hi! How are you doing tonight?"
ME: "Good"
ELDERS: "Good! Could we take a moment of your time to talk about the Book of Mormon?"
ME: "Oh, I already know about it. I'm an inactive member."
ELDERS: "That's great! So, can we ask why you're no longer involved with the church?"
ME: "Well, the church is great, but I'm the type of person that doesn't feel like she needs to be in a building every week to be a good person. I try to do right by others and I'm satisfied with that. You live your life the way you want to live it and no one is really going to change that unless you decide to."
ELDERS: "You have a point. But being a part of the church is like being a part of a family and every Sunday is kind of just like a reunion."
ME: "Yeah. Okay."
ELDERS: "Can we give you our card?"
ME: "Sure."
ELDERS: "Can we exchange numbers?"
ME: *Chuckle* "No."
ELDERS: "It's because you know we'll call you, right?"
ME: "Yep."
ELDERS: "Well, if you ever feel like getting with some people. We're getting ready to carve some pumpkins this week."
ME: "Thanks. I'll think about it."
ELDERS: "Cool. We also have dances too..."
ME: "Um...Not interested."
ELDERS: "Okay, well, before you were baptized. What did God say when you asked him if the book was true?"
ME: "I can't remember."
ELDERS: "Well, I know with all of my heart that the Book of Mormon is true and that the church is true."
ME: "I believe you. You don't know how many times I've heard that..."
ELDERS: "Ha haha, I bet. Well, will you promise us that you'll pray about the book tonight?"
ME: "I'll consider it. I'm gonna go...this...way...I'm sure I'll see you around. Bye!"
Ha haha. Those guys are funny. They remind me of the missionaries that I became such good friends with when I was 16. The ones that stand out the most are Elder Marble, Elder White, Elder Turner, and Elder Engman. It's not usual for the missionaries to stay in one area for long but those guys were around for awhile so I got to build friendships with them. They changed my life and I am grateful for it. But I don't need a church to live an honest life. God is everywhere.
I tried to take the highway home like Didier taught me the other day. I took the wrong exit and was lost for over an hour. If Jacob had been with me, he would've seen the Roquefavor bridge and a frontal view of St. Victoire. Eh, I guess it just wasn't in the cards. When I finally made it home, Didier and Céline left for the party. I checked my messages and saw that my photoshoot tomorrow is cancelled due to cold weather. I'm relieved. I really just need to veg out for once. I opened a bottle of wine and messaged Jacob. There was a lot I needed to say to him but didn't know how to put it into words until now. I always say I'm an open book, and I am, but sometimes it's difficult to tell someone how you're really feeling if you don't understand what's going on yourself. Before you read the conversation, I already know I am incredibly rude. But I'm the same to all of my friends. If I think it'll help you, I'll tell you bluntly what needs to be done.
Today
8:32pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I'm sorry I was a monster bitch today. I think you visiting was a huge mistake. I just want to tell you that before I write about it
8:34pm
Jacob Schloss
is that why you were so upset?
yes, it was a mistake. we misinterpreted each other. i would not call it a huge mistake.
i still liked seeing aix, and getting to sleep for a change
and i liked hanging out with you
i'm sorry if i was poor company the last few days.
i was depressed, and i get distant when that happens
8:41pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I was just irritated because it's Saturday and it's normally my chill day. I knew I had to do some packing but that really doesn't take any effort especially when you don't have someone hovering. I don't know if you really were or not. But I just feel like you're someone that has no real direction or sense or what you want to do, so that kind of annoyed me too. I also felt like I was obligated to hang out with you because you wouldn't actually do anything otherwise. I feel like you're not the type of person to go off on your own like I am. And yeah, you walked around by yourself, but I go to foreign countries and cities by myself without a second thought. I assumed you'd be more adventurous here but you weren't so I feel like you wasted your time, and with that, I kind of felt like you wasted my time. I'm sorry. I know I sound like a snob, but I don't know what someone would do in a foreign country if they weren't going to do touristey things. I know you said you wanted down time and I completely understand that but I think you had more than enough of that and I feel like you were just saying that. I expected you to go to Paris or Marseille or some ruins and come back and tell me how awesome it was
8:43pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I feel so fucking awful right now. But I have to be honest with you. And I wish I would've told you to your face but I didn't know how you would handle it and I was scared. My thoughts also weren't organized and I didn't know what to say earlier
8:43pm
Jacob Schloss
you still can say it to my face if youd rather
8:44pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I'm sorry if I led you on. It was definitely not my intention. I thought we were just friends, but that was stupid. I'm an idiot.
8:46pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
No. I don't want to go back to Aix. Traffic is a bitch and I was lost for over an hour after I left you. I accidentally found the entrance to the roman bridge though, and a head-on view of Saint Victoire. I just wish there was more planning involved in the whole sightseeing thing. And I really, honest to God, wish you would have gone out more
8:58pm
Jacob Schloss
i did interpret things different then you. i thought you were moving to pdx because you wanted to date me. otherwise idk why you would pick pdx over seattle or some other city. i mean... i don't know. some of the things you said i thought you were more serious about. we were friends, i though we had some interest in each other. i don't want you to take my lack of desire to sightsee personally. the weather was shitty yesterday otherwise i would have gone to Marseilles. we did have plans to go to nimes on thursday that fell through, i kinda screwed that up. i didn't want you to feel obligated to hang out with me... i thought you would want to.
8:59pm
Jacob Schloss
im just different... touring around by myself has little apeal
i didnt expect to see you all the time either
i knew you had stuff to do
touring around in general isn't that intresting to me... i guess im jaded
9:02pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I don't understand how you could be jaded if you've never been here before
9:02pm
Jacob Schloss
more of travel constantly under high stress = travel is not fun
9:02pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
And I didn't want to move to Portland for you. I told you I had never lived on the west coast and that I just wanted to try it out. If I wanted to move there to be with you I would have said it
9:02pm
Jacob Schloss
ok
9:04pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
And, I told you I've always wanted to live in Portland. It just had more appeal when I found out more of my friends were out there
9:05pm
Jacob Schloss
ah. i don't remember that. i just remember you saying you wanted to live on the west coast
9:06pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
And I was looking forward to hanging out with you until I saw how anti-social you were. I mean, we've never been alone before so I guess I couldn't see it coming. But everyone that I introduced you to thought you were awkward, I'm sorry if that's too blunt. You never really had anything to say and when you did, you'd either say something that no one would understand, or you'd talk so fast and not project your voice in that nervous manner that you do so that no one can hear what you're saying
9:07pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
When I came home tonight my host parents told me that they don't understand how we are friends and that they were uncomfortable around you but didn't want to tell me.
9:07pm
Jacob Schloss
yeah... i thought they were
9:07pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
You honestly need to find a balance between your intelligence and social skills
I mean, it never really bothered me to not know what you were talking about, but I would always try because you're my friend. But you need to realize that most people are looking for casual conversation and a little bit of a connection. That's not asking much
9:10pm
Jacob Schloss
yes, i am pretty bad at small talk. i am trying, and used to be worse if you can imagine...
as in, talk to someone for 15s then stand awkwardly while my roommate is still talking to other person
i have issues connecting to people
9:11pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
Well Jacob, I don't understand why you would try to establish a relationship with someone knowing that
9:12pm
Jacob Schloss
because i am trying : P
and i felt some connection to you
not trying isnt going to make it any better
most of my freinds are not into small talk
its discussions of robotics and computers. logic jokes, stuff in the news
ppl talk to me when they want me to teach them statistics, not to catch up generally
9:17pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
Okay, but not everyone knows about engineering and physics. You need to tailor your conversation to the person you're talking to
You really can't use that as an excuse knowing that everyone is different. That's what irritates me
9:19pm
Jacob Schloss
i know... i default to setting my filter too high until i know people. it takes me a long time to get to know them
not saying that is good, just it is what happens.
that is part of why i wanted to be your friend. push me way outside my normal social circle
9:22pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
You need to do that on your own. Sure, I would introduce you to more people and maybe be somewhat of an example of how you should act around strangers, but you really need to mentally re-wire your brain to be able to go outside of your comfort zone
It's no good hanging out with an extrovert if you don't genuinely try to adapt to that personality type. It just makes you and everyone around you extremely uncomfortable
You've been here for a week and I haven't seen you act any differently. I'm not helping
9:25pm
Jacob Schloss
yeah, i can see how that would happen. they think im being depressed and sullen in the corner, when really that is just me being shy.
9:25pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I understand that things take time, but you're on a time crunch
9:26pm
Jacob Schloss
why time crunch?
9:26pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
You're only here for a week
I would think that'd be motivation to speed up the socialization
9:30pm
Jacob Schloss
maybe. i'm not wanting to turn into an extrovert to impress you... just want to be able to talk to more people, have casual friends. not be mr crazy all the time
i dont even want to be an extrovert. just more sociable.
so im trying. and it sometimes is better sometimes is worse. this week was worse because i was depressed and our friendship was strained, so it was harder for me to be outgoing.
9:32pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
Good luck with that
9:32pm
Jacob Schloss
haha
9:36pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
Welll, is there anything you want to tell me? If you call me a bitch, I won't be hurt, I know I was
9:38pm
Jacob Schloss
i didn't intend for the "i only talk about engineering stuff" thing to be a jibe at you, or some manlihood redeeming thing
i don't think you are a bitch
a bitch would have just said fuck you and stopped talking to me
9:42pm
Jacob Schloss
you said we hadn't hung out much just us, which is true. that is really why I came. I wanted to just hang out since we never got a chance to, to talk a bunch and get to know each other. I was always working in VA so we could never just go get coffee and talk, or sit and watch tv or whatever. I wanted to do that.
9:43pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I would've been more apt to hang out with you on a one on one basis but everytime we were alone you said something I didn't want to hear or I didn't know what the fuck you were talking about
After the first few times, I just didn't want to. I realized within the first two days that we really don't have anything in common. That's why whenever I was with you, I always brought other people too
9:44pm
Jacob Schloss
yeah i noticed that
9:45pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I like being with my friends, but I can also be a loner too. When I realized that you and I would basically be sitting in silence or I would be ignoring your 'jibberish', I started backng up
9:47pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
It was just a lot easier for me to digest when my friends would be the ones asking you questions to try to engage you. That still didn't really work out though. Even when we went out to dinner or a bar, you'd sit there without saying a word. And I get that you don't know what's really happening in Aix, but you could have related to anything that we were talking about. But you really can't, because you haven't experienced any of the stuff we were talking about, and I mean, Jacob, this is general stuff...
9:48pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
It's stuff that can happen anywhere in the world to anyone
9:54pm
Jacob Schloss
i hadn't experienced it... idk. i mean, one of the conversations was which close friends do you know of dying... wasnt really sure how to approach that one.
i wasn't totally silent. i always tried to reenter the conversation when it wan't local stuff
9:55pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
They weren't close friends. They were just people we were acquainted with. You need to learn to listen Jacob. If you had had someone you know die, you should have interjected with "Oh, blah blah blah, I had a friend die in the 7th grade. It was horrible" Anything
People just need to know you're listening. Or that you're interested in what is being discussed
You didn't make eye contact with anyone and you mostly kept your head down. I'm telling you as a friend, you need to work on that
People are always happy to have other people around as long as they're being interactive. And I don't mean obnoxiously joining the conversation at any moment. I mean, making a sincere comment
9:58pm
Jacob Schloss
i agree i need to work on this. basically if i dont have anything to add i get distant... im still listening and processing what is said but i guess i look like im not
10:01pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
Okay. A conversation is more than spoken words. It's your facial expressions, the movement of your eyes, your body language with the people around you
I just don't understand how you've been on this earth for 23 years in civilization and you don't know how to do this. It's reflex
10:02pm
Jacob Schloss
i do know how to read body language. i just dont give off the correct kind to other people.
10:02pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I wasn't talking about reading it. I was talking about your body language
10:03pm
Jacob Schloss
yes. 2nd sentence
i don't think about it usually
10:03pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
Reflex...
10:03pm
Jacob Schloss
not to me
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Vendredi, 26 Octobre 2012: Pad Thai
I got up in a panic this morning. I woke up about 30 minutes after my alarm had already gone off and ran out to the kitchen to see if someone else had already taken Baptiste to his soccer game. It turns out that because it was raining, his game was postponed until 18h00.
By the time we were finished, it was past 14h00 and Didier was calling us for lunch. I'm not sure what we ate besides green beans. The other thing was like a crepe rolled and filled with chipped beef gravy. I've never seen anything like it before but it was tasty for sure! And yes, we had bread and cheese afterward :-)
Léa made us all hot chocolates afterward which put me into chill mode. I went back to my room and watched the rain fall. It's strange, we're not supposed to get much rain here in Aix but since Jacob's been here, it's rained every other day at least...Bummer for him. He can't experience Aix for all that it's worth. I've been told it's raining everywhere else in France and Italy though.
I laid in my bed for about an hour or so and talked to Jacob. I tried to talk him into taking a trip somewhere since I would have the kids everyday but he refused and said that he didn't really want to see anything. Totally a lie!!! When he first got here he told me that he really wanted to see Paris and the Mediterranean...I guess some people just don't like doing things on their own. And I am definitely not one of those people...I just don't know how you can go to a foreign country and not do anything besides walking around and seeing the same sights. If I didn't have any responsibilities for a week, you know I'd be all over the place. Oh well, his loss.
Baptiste's game had been cancelled indefinitely so I took him and Léa to their father's house. They will be spending the first week of fall break with their dad while the rest of us are moving into the new house so I gave them huge hugs. Didier and I picked Gregoire up from daycare and proceeded to the supermarket.
The traffic today was beyond horrible, even on our side of town. It took us almost an hour just to get to the Super Casino which normally takes about 5 minutes. When we got to town we saw the culprit. It was a MINOR collision between one car and a bus!!! The two people were just standing in the middle of the street screaming at each other while the lines were backed up into the outskirts of Aix! The nerve of some people!!! Get over it!!! Move your car off of the road!!! It's Friday!!!
We finally get to the Casino and go on a shopping spree. Didier asked me to make a 'thai' dinner to surprise Céline tonight so I chose 3 dishes that I was craving, made a list, and Didier bought all the ingredients along with 10 bottles of wine. Mon Dieu!!! I love my family :-)
On the way home, Didier directed me to the highway so we could avoid traffic. It was my first time on a french highway. I was so excited to put the car into 4th, 5th, and 6th gear!!! If you've ever been in a car wth me, especially my manual cars, you know I like you go fast so this was a treat for me!
We finally make it home and I get in full chef mode. I throw together all of the ingredients, make a huge mess, and we were able to eat by 20h00. Tonight, I made chicken curry, pad thai, and my mom's egg rolls. They loved it!!! Even Gregoire was inhaling the food like a champ. He NEVER does that!!! Céline and Didier liked it so much that they went back for seconds AND thirds!!! These weren't baby portions either, these were full-sized plates filled from edge to edge. I am so happy that they enjoyed it because I was really missing some real asian food, ha haha. We had a bit of everything left so they're taking the rest to work with them tomorrow. What a trip!
We ended tonight with a few extra glasses of wine and cigarettes (for them). We had a lot of fun joking around with each other and Céline ended up making some crazy but amusing moves, lol. She had on her rain coat and Didier said she looked like Inspector Gadget so she started kicking her leg here and there, waving her arms everywhere. She's hilarious. They're so awesome together.
At the end of the 2nd bottle of wine, Céline tells me that I'm too drunk to take the car out--especially on a rainy night. So here I am, eating flan, and writing this blog post. Afterward, I'll go to my bedroom with Google and watch Underworld 4: Awakening. Ahh...I live such a difficult life ;-)
Bonne nuit!!!
Friday, October 26, 2012
Jeudi, 25 Octobre 2012: The Hive
The kids left early with Céline this morning. I
ate breakfast then hopped in the car to go to centre ville. On the way there I
saw my language prof get off of the bus. I immediately call to her because I've
missed her. She said to me "Melinda! You were not in class
yesterday!" and I replied with "No more school for me." She
reacted with sadness in her expression and said "Write to me!" as I
drove off. I am disappointed that I will not see Nathalie as much but I sent
her an e-mail saying that she could keep me on her e-mail list so I can tag
along on cultural events. She's the greatest teacher here. She helps you
understand the language in so many ways and doesn't just stick with the formal
lessons, she also teaches us l'argo which is helpful in casual conversation.
Plus, she lets us eat and gets us drunk in class.
When I got to town I couldn't find my usual free
parking spots so I drove to the Rotunde parking garage which descends down 5
levels below the city. It's like the Hive from Resident Evil. I got out of the
car, took an elevator back to ground level and walked straight to the post
office. There was a crowd like you wouldn't believe waiting to get in. After 20
minutes of waiting, the post office workers opened the gates and all of the
people just flood in. Though it was very hectic, there were more than enough
employees going through the lines to help you prepare your package or envelope
before you reach the register. My line was about 10 people long but I was in
and out within minutes.
Kami and Molly met me at the post office since
they had packages to retrieve and ballots to send. We stopped by the apartment
to drop off the packages. Afterward, we went to the Hotel de Ville plaza to see
if the market was still open. It was around 14h30 and the plaza had been washed
with all of the vendors gone, so that was our cue to turn around.
We ended up walking to Crepes A GoGo which is a
speedy creperie below ground. I asked an employee for her favorite crepe. On
the crepe was powdered sugar, coconut flakes, and lemon juice. It was
absolutely marvelous! I would never have imagined putting those things on
crepes but it is now my new favorite combination! We went back to ground level
and sat at a statue to eat.
Jacob eventually found us and we all got up to do
some sightseeing. We didn't see much besides the three dolphins fountain and a cathedral
but the walking was the fun part. Kami and Molly went back to the apartment
afterward and Jacob and I went back to the papeterie so I could send another
fax.
Somehow we got back on the topic of our
"relationship." I think I brought up the fact that I was disappointed
he didn't try to see anything outside of Aix and it just evolved from there. We
came to an understanding Tuesday night that it would be futile to try and that
there would be no attempt at re-kindling. I'm not sure why but I felt like he
still had a smidgen of hope so I explained again that we were too different and
that it just wouldn't work. Jacob eventually said something like
"Yeah...And most of the time when I have something to say it's engineering
related and that's not something I can really talk to you about so..." I
kind of giggled in my mind. I felt like that was a shot at me as an attempt to
redeem his manlihood but I wasn't offended. I just thought it was funny because
that's pretty much what I've been saying all along--we don't have anything in
common. Just because you like someone doesn't mean that that alone gives you
grounds to be together. It's so much more than that. And of course someone
who's only had one girlfriend wouldn't understand. I wouldn't really consider
her a girlfriend though--especially since she didn't want anyone to know they
were together. It sounded like she took advantage of him--used him to do her
homework and basically paid him with "the currency between her legs."
I hope that Jacob finds someone that fits his personality who will truly care
for him. Sure, I could be that girl, but he would be the only person getting
satisfaction out of the relationship. Jacob is a great guy, but he lacks the
qualities that I need in a partner. And it wasn't something I realized until I
spent more time with him.
I left Jacob at his hotel and picked the kids up
from school. When we got home, I did the usual ironing and the kids went
straight to the TV. I made them turn it off and come with me to the kitchen so
I could make them a snack. When I say 'no' to something they never ask again,
try to milk anything out of me, or argue. I love these kids :-) They're so
well-mannered. I know that the children love and respect me. I'm not sure how I
managed that but I'm glad.
As soon as Céline got home last night she started
work on the "poulet bresse." It's a type of chicken indigenous to
France and famous for its flavorful qualities. We ate the chicken with a salad.
Somehow I've become responsible for all of the salad dressings. I guess this
means they like my random concoctions. Tonight's dressing consisted of
balsalmic vinegar, orange juice, olive oil, grated parmesan, oregano, salt, and
pepper. The kids seemed to like it a lot so I suppose I should start a recipe
book. We finished dinner with ice cream--some pretty amazing ice cream...I
would compare it to Ivanhofs in Indiana.
I stayed home tonight. I've left every evening
(besides one) since Jacob has been here and I felt like spending more time with
my family. French people are pretty serious about the relationships they
develop with the people around them. I'm the same, maybe I could thank the
1/16th french ancestry that I have for that. I sat at the dinner table and had
the usual 'life' conversation with Didier--it's like our dessert. He does the
dad thing and gives me advice, tells me about similar problems he's encountered
in the past, and recounts the horrible things he's gone through--things he
would never want me to experience. All in all, I know that I am with good people.
Though Céline comes from nobility, she's worked all her life and earned
everything that she has. Didier came from a blue collar family and worked his
way to the top. These two are good examples to their children. I hope that I
can contribute to the mental growth of these kids in the short year that I am
here.
Mercedi, 24 Octobre 2012: The Celebration of Life
I got a late start this morning. Though I woke up
at 9h30, I didn't get out of bed until 10h30. I put my clothes in the wash for
once and had breakfast. On the kitchen table was some cash and a note to grab
some groceries.
When the washing machine had finished its cycle I
threw my clothes in a bag and headed to town. I had Jacob meet me at my car so
he could help me carry the mountain of clothes to the laverie. When we arrived,
Mark and Will were there waiting for us. I combined the clothes into one
machine and put it on the hottest cycle for about 40 minutes. Since the clothes
had some time to dry the three of us headed to centre ville for some lunch.
Jacob had been craving a panini so we decided to
go to Paninaix. This place was pretty awesome! For 5.50 euro I got a delicious
tomato/fresh mozzarella panini and 50 cl beer. Besides the fact that the
employees understood our broken french and spoke english, there were super
sweet 90's music videos playing on the tele--most notably: "Truly, Madly,
Deeply" by Savage Garden which the guys were too young to remember. Ha haha.
After lunch, we headed to Mark's so he could grab
his books. We still had time to kill so we hung out on his balcony. It was such
a nice day to be outside! I made the huge mistake of wearing a long cardigan,
scarf, and boots. That's the french style for you though--modest. Everyone is
always in a cardigan and/or scarf even if it's hot out. Rarely will you see a
bare shoulder--even in the summer apparently.
Around 14h40 Mark and Will headed to class while
Jacob and I headed back to the Cours Sextius to check on my laundry. It still
wasn't dry yet so we made the short trek to Pavillon Vendome so that Jacob
could get the chance to see something besides markets and cafés in Aix. We went
to the papeterie afterward so I could send a few faxes.
At this point all of the clothes were dry so I
packed them back up and headed home while Jacob went back to his hotel room to
read about algorithms. It was about 16h30 and I didn't want to go home alone so
I grabbed Gregoire from the creche. I didn't have to pick him up until 17h30
but Wednesdays are long for him so I decided to make his day a bit more
eventful.
As soon as we got home Gregoire asked for a bon
bon. I said no and asked him if he wanted a sandwich instead. Surprisingly, he
said yes! I threw together two pieces of a multi-grain bread with a cheese
spread, ham, and dijon mayo and cut it into little triangles. I walked up to
Gregoire with the plate and he delightfully picked a piece up in each hand and
ate it. I wonder what Super Nanny would think of that.
I had a few hours before everyone would be
getting home so I opened all of the doors to let some fresh air in and went to
the other side of the house to iron some clothes. Gregoire mostly played by
himself and with the dog during this time. He couldn't see me, but I was able
to keep an eye on him. He tried to get away with a lot of things like climbing
a tree before he realized I was watching him. I think me saying "get
down" out of nowhere would be a hint. Kids aren't stupid. He eventually
came inside and watched the Wild Thornberry's while I was ironing.
The rest of the family arrived around 19h00,
minus Camille who is currently on a field trip. Didier called me down to the
kitchen to notify me that he added me to his car insurance. He also mentioned
that he spoke to his agent about adding me to his home insurance policy. I've
never heard of this being done for an au pair before but I guess if it helps
him sleep at night then there's obviously no issue on my part.
I went back to ironing but a few minutes later
Didier came to retrieve me from the family room. Our conversation:
DIDIER: "Melinda, come downstairs. I've
opened a bottle of champagne to celebrate."
ME: "Okay. What are we celebrating?"
DIDIER: "Everything! You becoming a part of
our family...Life...Céline...The kids...Your glass is ready."
ME: "What a great philosophy...Those are
perfect reasons to celebrate!"
And down I went :-)
Tonight for dinner we had the rest of my risotto,
peas, and fish sticks--Baptiste's favorite. Nothing glamorous like the norm but
Wow...I really enjoyed those fish sticks...I got kind of nostalgic. It brought
back memories of being a kid. Plus, they were made with real fish so they were
perfectly enjoyable. Once we finished eating Didier broke out a bottle of red
wine. This one was more special than those we've had in the past because it
came from a vineyard Didier previously owned. The wine was made from syrah
grapes--one of my favorite varietals. It was exceptional! It had had time to
age so it presented a lot of good complexities. For a medium bodied wine, it
had full fruit/tobacco flavor with rich color and a delicate berry nose. I
would drink it every day.
I'm not sure if my host parents were drunk or if
they're just extremely comfortable around me but they started talking about
"getting it on." It wasn't a gross conversation by any means. It was
actually pretty cute. I'm so happy that I'm with two people that are actually
in love. Céline wants to have more children. I guess 4 biological children and
5 step-children are just not enough ;-) She's a great mom though. She kind of
reminds me of Michelle Duggar with how involved she is in her kids' lives,
except she works outside of the home too.
I left the parentals around midnight-ish to go to
Lydia's. As soon as I got in the door there was a knock behind me. I opened it
and it was a guy complaining about us being too loud. Apparently he does it all
the time. But seriously, the girls weren't even speaking at a normal volume
since Maggie was sleeping. It must've been me running up the stairs. The
neighbor looked so uptight like he got no enjoyment out of life...He probably
just needs to get laid. Good luck dude!!!
Jen, Sara, Danielle, Lydia, Jacob, and I walked
around a bit to find a chill bar. After seeing that most places were closed, we
went back to a bar we avoided earlier because it was a complete sausage-fest.
Jen and Danielle left us since they had an early morning ahead. The rest of us
had one drink and headed home. I dropped Jacob off at his hotel and Sara and I
continued on. When we pulled up to the roundabout at La Rotunde we were stopped
by police. Merde!!! It was a checkpoint. I didn't think these occured outside
of the U.S. but I guess it's a good thing. I really didn't know what the cop
was saying but when she held out the breathalizer I just blew. She showed it to
her supervisor and waved goodbye to us. It was kind of cute.
I eventually got Sara home. My 5 minute drive could
have been a 30 minute walk for her. I would never make someone walk home alone
that far and that late unless I was drunk.
When I got home tonight I was surprised when I
saw a lizard on the kitchen floor. I thought it was one of Gregoire's toys at
first. I turned around to find something to trap it in and when I went to look
for it again, it was gone. I searched all over the kitchen until going back to
the origin. There it was, only about a foot from where I first saw it,
perfectly camouflaged against the stairs. I grabbed a piece of tupperware and a
sheet of paper and caught it. I put the lizard in a fish bowl with a make-shift
lid which I poked holes in. I left it on the table with a note for my family.
Hopefully when I see them for breakfast in the morning they won't think I'm a
complete weirdo!!!
Mardi, 23 Octobre 2012: Relationship Smationship!!!
I had moved all of my stuff from the guest bedroom upstairs to the apartment downstairs on Monday. Here, I have my own private bathroom, kitchen, and bedroom with a direct exit outside. I was only staying in the kids' wing the first week because Didier's parents couldn't go up and down a lot of stairs. I slept so wonderfully in my new queen size bed that I completely missed my 8h30 language class. I felt like such a jerk because my favorite prof Nathalie teaches it and I hate being disrespectful.
I didn't have class again until 15h00 so I met Danielle and Jacob for lunch on Rue Italie. I had already eaten so Danielle just got me a café au lait which a bee had gleefully landed in. I watched him struggle for a few minutes before I decided I was being cruel and fished him out. Alors, it must have been destined that he was to die that day because as soon as I pulled him out, he was stepped on by a random passerby.
When Tehtahua and Vctora stopped by to chat I found out that Nathalie did not give the exam this morning because she was waiting for me to get there. Agh!!! Now I feel like a super jerk!!!
I picked Gregoire from daycare comme d'habitude. Léa and Baptiste are with their dad tonight and Camille is still on her field trip. Céline and Didier made it home at their usual hour and I left for the Cours Mirabeau to meet up with Jacob, Kami, and Danielle. We went to a restaurant called La Piazza Papa--an italian chain restaurant. For being on the Cours Mirabeau it was decently priced. Jacob and Kami ordered pizzas while I ordered a combo. My meal came with a salad surrounding a white soft cheese, tenderized chicken, and pasta in a goat cheese and honey sauce.
Danielle met up with Gaultier while Kami went home. Jacob offered to walk me back to the parking garage. When we got back to my car, we hugged and said our goodbyes. He really caught me off guard when he said "I love you..." I'm not sure what the expression on my face was but I pretty much had a heart attack! I didn't know what to say or do so I asked him if he was being serious. He didn't even have to answer because I knew by his expression that he was. I was absolutely horrified. What is going on here??? I asked him if he expected me to say it back and he said "no." Though I was extremely put off, I offered to drive him home. He refused so we went our separate ways.
Let me provide you a little bit on my history with Jacob...
It was March, and I had gone to Clementine for trivia night. I was meeting Matt--a guy I was dating, and Jameson--one of the regulars at my bar and a friend. Jameson brought Jacob who he worked with. After we met, I started seeing him more at my bar. He seemed like an interesting person. I like the super intelligent people who can teach me something. After seeing him regularly, I invited him out on a hike, like I always invite people to do things. He came with me and another guy I was seeing--we'll call him DJ. Somehow that night, he ended up having a drunken converstion with DJ about how he was upset that I liked DJ but not him. I kind of brushed it off. But, with the more I saw Jacob, the more I became interested in him. I liked him, yes, and I saw the possibility of a relationship, yes, but I didn't really entertain the idea so much. I talked to him about moving out to Portland for med school. I'm obsessed with traveling, obviously, and I've never lived on the west coast. I suggested that we move in together because I don't like paying for an entire house by myself, and I would want a house, not an apartment. This was not at all motivated by any idea of a relationship. All of his co-workers knew that he liked me and that I returned some interest. We all joked about how cute our half-asian nerd kids would be and I would tell Jacob about this. I guess you can't really kid about that because some people might take it seriously. I'm a freakin' idiot. Another thing I need to learn not to do is use the word love, especially when I don't mean it. I told Jacob this past summer "You are such a nerd! That's why I love you." This was when he said 'thank you' in japanese when I was serving him a beer at my bar. Of course I didn't mean 'I'm in love with you'. Jacob is a nice guy, but I need someone more forward, outgoing, and romantic. Like an idiot, I thought he came to France because he had been working so much and needed a break. I had no idea he came to pursue a romance. But it's only a romance when it's romantic...Does that make sense?
When I got home tonight, I was still flabbergasted. I didn't know what to do or really how to react so I got on Facebook to tell Danielle what had happened. She wasn't online, but Jacob was. Instead of putting the entire conversation in my own words, I'm just going to copy and paste. I feel like an awful bitch by the way. I don't know how I always get myself into this sitution...I am just a horrible human being...
Tuesday
10:48pm
Jacob Schloss
hopefully you aren't super weirded out. i didn't want a repeat of my last relationship
10:51pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
What do you mean about your last relationship?
10:52pm
Jacob Schloss
i had feelings for her, she moved far away, she gradually stopped having feelings for me and at some later point I found out
10:58pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
Well, did she tell you herself?
10:59pm
Jacob Schloss
yes. but first she said she didn't want to be in a relationship with me but still felt the same way. so i was left hanging with that for 6 months
11:00pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
Ahhh
Okay. So, what do you think is happening with us then?
11:00pm
Jacob Schloss
i don't know what is happening with us : )
i wanted to find out how you felt
11:03pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
Honestly, I've lost what I've felt for you before. It's just different when there's not constant affection and re-affirmation. I'm the type of girl that needs that. And when I don't get it, I don't get upset. I just kind of forget about the people. It's not your fault.
11:03pm
Jacob Schloss
sometimes it seems like you want to be in one, sometimes it doesnt
11:03pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I was still excited for you to come and to show you around and stuff. It's just different now
11:03pm
Jacob Schloss
i see
11:03pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I do want to be in a relationship. I really do. But there's just no one that fits my personality or needs
And that includes you. You're a great person but everytime I think about us together I think about how inexperienced you are with relationships and how I would walk all over you. That just doesn't sound right to me. But I know it would happen
I've only been single since May and that's...pretty pathetic. I don't think I need to seek or push anything to happen, even with you, especially with you living on the other side of the world
11:05pm
Jacob Schloss
do you mean being single since may is pathetic?
11:06pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
No, only having been single for 5 months is pathetic. I think I need more me time and I'm not looking for anything. Especially since I'm not planning on settling down for a long long time
Maybe ever
11:08pm
Jacob Schloss
that is part of what i wanted to know. I didnt want to be the only one trying (again)
11:14pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I don't know. I just don't see us together anymore. You're never "home." I crave adventure and romance and excitement. You're inexperienced in those areas. You're introverted. I'm a crazy type of extroverted. You're 3 years younger than me. I'm a 40 year old living in a 26 year old body. etc...
11:15pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I spent all summer thinking about what it would be like to be with you. I think I was over-romanticizing the idea because in theory, we'd be perfect together--because of our interests. But in reality, we would never satisfy each others' needs. You know?
I'm just trying to be reasonable and I don't want to drag you along. I think you're great, but not great for me
And I do love you, a lot. As a friend though. I remember telling you that the last time you were at JB's. But I was being playful. There's a difference between saying "I love ya" or "I love you" and "I'm in love with you"--for girls anyway
11:17pm
Jacob Schloss
i just generally do not use the first two
11:18pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I see
11:18pm
Jacob Schloss
i am inexperienced.
haha you knew that the whole time
i have tried to do one big grand romantic gesture before
it kind of failed spectacularly
it is somewhat funny in retrospect
ive spent a bit of time thinking about us as well
i dont know if it would work or not, i have no baseline to compare to
ive never lived with anyone
i wanted to try
because i thought it might work
11:24pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
It wouldn't work
If you remember Matt, my last boyfriend. You remind me a lot of him--just with the experience you lack. I liked him, but we were just too different. I don't want to put you through the same thing he went through.
11:26pm
Jacob Schloss
i don't know him, only saw him once
11:26pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
k. Well, he sucked. But it wasn't really his fault. We didn't mesh
11:27pm
Jacob Schloss
pessimist ; )
11:27pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
No, I'm a realist. There's a difference
11:27pm
Jacob Schloss
thats too bad
11:28pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
There's one thing you learn from living in different parts of the world. Or the US at least. Those closer to DC are realists. Midwesterners and true southerners are optimists and northerners are usually no where
11:28pm
Jacob Schloss
im a midwesterner lol
i guess that is true
11:30pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I wasn't sure if I didn't want anything to happen with you until you kissed me the other night. And when you did, I just knew
11:31pm
Jacob Schloss
lol
that bad eh
ok. i guess in a surprising mirror I hadn't decided if i wanted anything to happen until i kissed you
but like you said how your feelings werent the same as before, mine came back when we hung out
i just dont lose people with distance like most people seem to
11:42pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I know. Guys are like that. Girls are the more "out of sight, out of mind" crowd
11:43pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
It's just like every time I would go home for break, I would dump whoever I was dating in Indiana unless I knew they would be coming to VA to visit. Because otherwise, I knew I'd be interested in someone else by then, even if I loved them a lot. I think it's a survival mechanism that's just built in because of all the women scorned in the past
11:43pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
Are you upset with me?
11:47pm
Jacob Schloss
wow. that is fast...
upset, yes somewhat, it usually gets worse later. upset with you, slightly but not that much.
11:47pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
Mmk
Well, don't let it ruin your time here
I want you to experience France for all that it's worth, without me on your mind
11:48pm
Jacob Schloss
you would be on my mind regardless : P
11:48pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I honestly [stupidly] thought that you were coming here just to vacation
11:49pm
Jacob Schloss
lol. the part where you said you wanted to live with me changed thigns
11:49pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
But everytime someone asks you why you're here and you say that you came to see me, I feel like a major idiot
11:49pm
Jacob Schloss
oh. lol. i did kind of notice you body language the first time i said that
11:50pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
Well, I would still want to live with you as long as you wouldn't have any romantic feelings for me. But I'm still staying in VA
Great...
11:51pm
Jacob Schloss
i was wondering why you reacted that way heh
i did mostly come to see you
but such is life
11:56pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
See, I'm not that type of person. Even if I like a person in a certain place that I'm visiting, my motivation would really just be the travel and the cultural experience
11:57pm
Jacob Schloss
it is both
i guess this was me wanting to give it a shot. i knew it would fail if we waited until you came back
so i came to visit
because i missed you
12:03am
Melinda Xaynhasone
Well, I missed you too
12:05am
Jacob Schloss
i know : )
12:13am
Melinda Xaynhasone
So, you gonna move to VA or what?
12:14am
Jacob Schloss
i still have feeling for you
so living with you would not work
if you dont have feelings too
12:14am
Melinda Xaynhasone
But it's just a smidgen of a feeling, right?
lol
12:14am
Jacob Schloss
*feelings
: )
no
not a smidgen
def plural
lol
12:15am
Melinda Xaynhasone
Well, you wouldn't have to live with me silly
12:15am
Jacob Schloss
id want to though
12:16am
Melinda Xaynhasone
That doesn't make sense
12:17am
Jacob Schloss
as in, at the moment, i want to
forgetting the conversation from the last several hours
12:18am
Melinda Xaynhasone
lol
12:21am
Jacob Schloss
hehe
"discussing possibility the our unborn children being cute. Everyone agrees that they will be super gorgeous and a nerd herd."
12:22am
Melinda Xaynhasone
People always do that
12:22am
Jacob Schloss
does what
12:23am
Melinda Xaynhasone
Talks about how cute certain peoples' kids could be
12:23am
Jacob Schloss
i was just thinking about it and it made me laugh
12:23am
Melinda Xaynhasone
It IS funny, but it's weird now
12:23am
Jacob Schloss
lol
12:23am
Melinda Xaynhasone
Especially since your boss said it
12:24am
Jacob Schloss
lol
i though you said it
mmk
12:26am
Melinda Xaynhasone
I was repeating
I didn't have class again until 15h00 so I met Danielle and Jacob for lunch on Rue Italie. I had already eaten so Danielle just got me a café au lait which a bee had gleefully landed in. I watched him struggle for a few minutes before I decided I was being cruel and fished him out. Alors, it must have been destined that he was to die that day because as soon as I pulled him out, he was stepped on by a random passerby.
When Tehtahua and Vctora stopped by to chat I found out that Nathalie did not give the exam this morning because she was waiting for me to get there. Agh!!! Now I feel like a super jerk!!!
I picked Gregoire from daycare comme d'habitude. Léa and Baptiste are with their dad tonight and Camille is still on her field trip. Céline and Didier made it home at their usual hour and I left for the Cours Mirabeau to meet up with Jacob, Kami, and Danielle. We went to a restaurant called La Piazza Papa--an italian chain restaurant. For being on the Cours Mirabeau it was decently priced. Jacob and Kami ordered pizzas while I ordered a combo. My meal came with a salad surrounding a white soft cheese, tenderized chicken, and pasta in a goat cheese and honey sauce.
Danielle met up with Gaultier while Kami went home. Jacob offered to walk me back to the parking garage. When we got back to my car, we hugged and said our goodbyes. He really caught me off guard when he said "I love you..." I'm not sure what the expression on my face was but I pretty much had a heart attack! I didn't know what to say or do so I asked him if he was being serious. He didn't even have to answer because I knew by his expression that he was. I was absolutely horrified. What is going on here??? I asked him if he expected me to say it back and he said "no." Though I was extremely put off, I offered to drive him home. He refused so we went our separate ways.
Let me provide you a little bit on my history with Jacob...
It was March, and I had gone to Clementine for trivia night. I was meeting Matt--a guy I was dating, and Jameson--one of the regulars at my bar and a friend. Jameson brought Jacob who he worked with. After we met, I started seeing him more at my bar. He seemed like an interesting person. I like the super intelligent people who can teach me something. After seeing him regularly, I invited him out on a hike, like I always invite people to do things. He came with me and another guy I was seeing--we'll call him DJ. Somehow that night, he ended up having a drunken converstion with DJ about how he was upset that I liked DJ but not him. I kind of brushed it off. But, with the more I saw Jacob, the more I became interested in him. I liked him, yes, and I saw the possibility of a relationship, yes, but I didn't really entertain the idea so much. I talked to him about moving out to Portland for med school. I'm obsessed with traveling, obviously, and I've never lived on the west coast. I suggested that we move in together because I don't like paying for an entire house by myself, and I would want a house, not an apartment. This was not at all motivated by any idea of a relationship. All of his co-workers knew that he liked me and that I returned some interest. We all joked about how cute our half-asian nerd kids would be and I would tell Jacob about this. I guess you can't really kid about that because some people might take it seriously. I'm a freakin' idiot. Another thing I need to learn not to do is use the word love, especially when I don't mean it. I told Jacob this past summer "You are such a nerd! That's why I love you." This was when he said 'thank you' in japanese when I was serving him a beer at my bar. Of course I didn't mean 'I'm in love with you'. Jacob is a nice guy, but I need someone more forward, outgoing, and romantic. Like an idiot, I thought he came to France because he had been working so much and needed a break. I had no idea he came to pursue a romance. But it's only a romance when it's romantic...Does that make sense?
When I got home tonight, I was still flabbergasted. I didn't know what to do or really how to react so I got on Facebook to tell Danielle what had happened. She wasn't online, but Jacob was. Instead of putting the entire conversation in my own words, I'm just going to copy and paste. I feel like an awful bitch by the way. I don't know how I always get myself into this sitution...I am just a horrible human being...
Tuesday
10:48pm
Jacob Schloss
hopefully you aren't super weirded out. i didn't want a repeat of my last relationship
10:51pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
What do you mean about your last relationship?
10:52pm
Jacob Schloss
i had feelings for her, she moved far away, she gradually stopped having feelings for me and at some later point I found out
10:58pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
Well, did she tell you herself?
10:59pm
Jacob Schloss
yes. but first she said she didn't want to be in a relationship with me but still felt the same way. so i was left hanging with that for 6 months
11:00pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
Ahhh
Okay. So, what do you think is happening with us then?
11:00pm
Jacob Schloss
i don't know what is happening with us : )
i wanted to find out how you felt
11:03pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
Honestly, I've lost what I've felt for you before. It's just different when there's not constant affection and re-affirmation. I'm the type of girl that needs that. And when I don't get it, I don't get upset. I just kind of forget about the people. It's not your fault.
11:03pm
Jacob Schloss
sometimes it seems like you want to be in one, sometimes it doesnt
11:03pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I was still excited for you to come and to show you around and stuff. It's just different now
11:03pm
Jacob Schloss
i see
11:03pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I do want to be in a relationship. I really do. But there's just no one that fits my personality or needs
And that includes you. You're a great person but everytime I think about us together I think about how inexperienced you are with relationships and how I would walk all over you. That just doesn't sound right to me. But I know it would happen
I've only been single since May and that's...pretty pathetic. I don't think I need to seek or push anything to happen, even with you, especially with you living on the other side of the world
11:05pm
Jacob Schloss
do you mean being single since may is pathetic?
11:06pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
No, only having been single for 5 months is pathetic. I think I need more me time and I'm not looking for anything. Especially since I'm not planning on settling down for a long long time
Maybe ever
11:08pm
Jacob Schloss
that is part of what i wanted to know. I didnt want to be the only one trying (again)
11:14pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I don't know. I just don't see us together anymore. You're never "home." I crave adventure and romance and excitement. You're inexperienced in those areas. You're introverted. I'm a crazy type of extroverted. You're 3 years younger than me. I'm a 40 year old living in a 26 year old body. etc...
11:15pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I spent all summer thinking about what it would be like to be with you. I think I was over-romanticizing the idea because in theory, we'd be perfect together--because of our interests. But in reality, we would never satisfy each others' needs. You know?
I'm just trying to be reasonable and I don't want to drag you along. I think you're great, but not great for me
And I do love you, a lot. As a friend though. I remember telling you that the last time you were at JB's. But I was being playful. There's a difference between saying "I love ya" or "I love you" and "I'm in love with you"--for girls anyway
11:17pm
Jacob Schloss
i just generally do not use the first two
11:18pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I see
11:18pm
Jacob Schloss
i am inexperienced.
haha you knew that the whole time
i have tried to do one big grand romantic gesture before
it kind of failed spectacularly
it is somewhat funny in retrospect
ive spent a bit of time thinking about us as well
i dont know if it would work or not, i have no baseline to compare to
ive never lived with anyone
i wanted to try
because i thought it might work
11:24pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
It wouldn't work
If you remember Matt, my last boyfriend. You remind me a lot of him--just with the experience you lack. I liked him, but we were just too different. I don't want to put you through the same thing he went through.
11:26pm
Jacob Schloss
i don't know him, only saw him once
11:26pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
k. Well, he sucked. But it wasn't really his fault. We didn't mesh
11:27pm
Jacob Schloss
pessimist ; )
11:27pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
No, I'm a realist. There's a difference
11:27pm
Jacob Schloss
thats too bad
11:28pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
There's one thing you learn from living in different parts of the world. Or the US at least. Those closer to DC are realists. Midwesterners and true southerners are optimists and northerners are usually no where
11:28pm
Jacob Schloss
im a midwesterner lol
i guess that is true
11:30pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I wasn't sure if I didn't want anything to happen with you until you kissed me the other night. And when you did, I just knew
11:31pm
Jacob Schloss
lol
that bad eh
ok. i guess in a surprising mirror I hadn't decided if i wanted anything to happen until i kissed you
but like you said how your feelings werent the same as before, mine came back when we hung out
i just dont lose people with distance like most people seem to
11:42pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I know. Guys are like that. Girls are the more "out of sight, out of mind" crowd
11:43pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
It's just like every time I would go home for break, I would dump whoever I was dating in Indiana unless I knew they would be coming to VA to visit. Because otherwise, I knew I'd be interested in someone else by then, even if I loved them a lot. I think it's a survival mechanism that's just built in because of all the women scorned in the past
11:43pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
Are you upset with me?
11:47pm
Jacob Schloss
wow. that is fast...
upset, yes somewhat, it usually gets worse later. upset with you, slightly but not that much.
11:47pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
Mmk
Well, don't let it ruin your time here
I want you to experience France for all that it's worth, without me on your mind
11:48pm
Jacob Schloss
you would be on my mind regardless : P
11:48pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
I honestly [stupidly] thought that you were coming here just to vacation
11:49pm
Jacob Schloss
lol. the part where you said you wanted to live with me changed thigns
11:49pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
But everytime someone asks you why you're here and you say that you came to see me, I feel like a major idiot
11:49pm
Jacob Schloss
oh. lol. i did kind of notice you body language the first time i said that
11:50pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
Well, I would still want to live with you as long as you wouldn't have any romantic feelings for me. But I'm still staying in VA
Great...
11:51pm
Jacob Schloss
i was wondering why you reacted that way heh
i did mostly come to see you
but such is life
11:56pm
Melinda Xaynhasone
See, I'm not that type of person. Even if I like a person in a certain place that I'm visiting, my motivation would really just be the travel and the cultural experience
11:57pm
Jacob Schloss
it is both
i guess this was me wanting to give it a shot. i knew it would fail if we waited until you came back
so i came to visit
because i missed you
12:03am
Melinda Xaynhasone
Well, I missed you too
12:05am
Jacob Schloss
i know : )
12:13am
Melinda Xaynhasone
So, you gonna move to VA or what?
12:14am
Jacob Schloss
i still have feeling for you
so living with you would not work
if you dont have feelings too
12:14am
Melinda Xaynhasone
But it's just a smidgen of a feeling, right?
lol
12:14am
Jacob Schloss
*feelings
: )
no
not a smidgen
def plural
lol
12:15am
Melinda Xaynhasone
Well, you wouldn't have to live with me silly
12:15am
Jacob Schloss
id want to though
12:16am
Melinda Xaynhasone
That doesn't make sense
12:17am
Jacob Schloss
as in, at the moment, i want to
forgetting the conversation from the last several hours
12:18am
Melinda Xaynhasone
lol
12:21am
Jacob Schloss
hehe
"discussing possibility the our unborn children being cute. Everyone agrees that they will be super gorgeous and a nerd herd."
12:22am
Melinda Xaynhasone
People always do that
12:22am
Jacob Schloss
does what
12:23am
Melinda Xaynhasone
Talks about how cute certain peoples' kids could be
12:23am
Jacob Schloss
i was just thinking about it and it made me laugh
12:23am
Melinda Xaynhasone
It IS funny, but it's weird now
12:23am
Jacob Schloss
lol
12:23am
Melinda Xaynhasone
Especially since your boss said it
12:24am
Jacob Schloss
lol
i though you said it
mmk
12:26am
Melinda Xaynhasone
I was repeating
.......
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